Girlfriend went on trip to vegas with her girlfriends

[b52guy]

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years but this weekend she took a trip with two girlfriends to las vegas to party and relax. She is 8 years older than me and has a kid, me being 29 and she is 37. Im just trying to battle these thoughts that she is out there cheating on me while on vacation. She told me she is going to go to clubs and hit the pool while there, but I cant get the thought of her cheating on me out of my head. her birthday was the weekend before and I went all out and gave her a great birthday, and she actually wanted to have dinner with me the night before she left for vegas. So everything is going well right now, but she is known to dance with other guys and I dont know if shed get blackout drunk and do something bad. She has gotten really drunk with her friends before when I wasnt there, and actually wanted me to look after her because of this. But her two friends that are going with her are single, one friend I know well and I cant say I have seen her sleep around anytime we all have gone out either, but the other friend idk about. She has before taken a guys number when she was drunk at a club with me, when I had gone to get her water, but this was almost a year ago and I havent seen any similar type of behavior. Please help me out guys, thanks

[Ginger Beer]

What you just said:

 

- She's gone on holiday with her girlfriends.

 

- Her girlfriends are single.

 

- She is known the dance with other men.

 

- She is known to get blind drunk.

 

- She has in the past taken a guy's number on a night out with you when you went to get water, i.e. you weren't there.

 

It's not looking good. From reading your post it seems your gut feeling is she will cheat. Is this the case?

 

My opinion on this is, no woman should be going on holiday with her girlfriends (who are single!) to party and get drunk in clubs if she is in a relationship.

[sweetypielovely]

I dont know...I guess go with your gut on this. You know her past precedes her. You cant trust her so why are you with her?

[OnyxSnowfall]

It's impossible to tell whether or not she will be cheating on you.

 

Did you let her KNOW of your concerns? Did you two communicate about them?

Did you establish boundaries (like it would make you uncomfortable if she danced with other men, and she understood and agreed she wouldn't?)

 

If you let her think everything was peachy before she left, I don't think you should hold it against her. But if you did tell her your concerns and she's going and will be dancing with guys anyway, then you should sit down and consider if it's really something you are willing to tolerate --- even if she doesn't sleep with anyone else etc.

 

If there was no communication about this, I think you should discuss this with her when she returns. Let her KNOW your feelings. Give her a chance to listen to you.

 

However... sometimes people just need to get out and get away for awhile and then they come back appreciating what they were a part from...

Edited August 29, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[Bryanp]

I think a more important question to ask is why you wish to be with someone who engaged in such behavior you outlined. This is a train wreck just waiting to happen down the line. Have more respect in yourself and find a better quality person. Good luck.

[Ginger Beer]

Oh yea she's cheating. Women always use that stupid "girls night out" excuse to drink and screw around with men in the club.

 

I think she is yeah, the signs are all there.

 

People are too relaxed about the night club thing, we've been desensitised to it and we believe you can truly go out every weekend, get drunk surrounded by members of the opposite sex and no harm is done, that we can dress ourselves up provocatively and turn down all advances without being tempted, all because 'he/she trusts me'. All while you're in a relationship. We believe we only go there to 'dance' and 'drink' and 'have fun'.

 

The fact is clubs are there for men and women to get together, that is their primary purpose. If you're single and you want to get a one night stand, where is the first place you go?

 

I saw a quote on here once something like 'if you surround yourself with targets, eventually you're going to hit something', this is spot on.

 

Going to a club once every 6 months, with your SO and a mixed group of friends is fine, once every week/2 weeks with your single friends of the same sex while your SO is elsewhere is not. It's not OK, I don't care where it is it is not OK.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[OnyxSnowfall]

I think she is yeah, the signs are all there.

 

People are too relaxed about the night club thing, we've been desensitised to it and we believe you can truly go out every weekend, get drunk surrounded by members of the opposite sex and no harm is done, that we can dress ourselves up provocatively and turn down all advances without being tempted, all because 'he/she trusts me'. All while you're in a relationship. We believe we only go there to 'dance' and 'drink' and 'have fun'.

 

The fact is clubs are there for men and women to get together, that is their primary purpose. If you're single and you want to get a one night stand, where is the first place you go?

 

I saw a quote on here once something like 'if you surround yourself with targets, eventually you're going to hit something', this is spot on.

 

Going to a club once every 6 months, with your SO and a mixed group of friends is fine, once every week/2 weeks with your single friends of the same sex while your SO is elsewhere is not. It's not OK, I don't care where it is it is not OK.

 

LOL... he's been with her for quite some time now... hasn't he?

If it's just now an issue bubbling to the surface and it hasn't been communicated, HOW is she supposed to know any better?

 

It's ludicrous to suggest she is certainly cheating. Really. You must be biased against the "night club" thing....... IF she even hit it that frequently, he'd have been aware of her lifestyle by now anyway...

[Ginger Beer]

LOL... he's been with her for quite some time now... hasn't he?

If it's just now an issue bubbling to the surface and it hasn't been communicated, HOW is she supposed to know any better?

 

It's ludicrous to suggest she is certainly cheating. Really. You must be biased against the "night club" thing....... IF she even hit it that frequently, he'd have been aware of her lifestyle by now anyway...

 

No, you make a good point about it not being discussed but maybe he's scared to? I don't know.

 

I'm not saying she is going there specifically to cheat, I'm saying if he keeps letting her go to these places the way she is, she will cheat. Read his post, does she seem like the type of girl who is trustworthy?

 

And he clearly said she dances with other men so I assume she does go frequently and she has taken another man's number when he went to get water, and this is only the stuff he's aware of!

[OnyxSnowfall]

No, you make a good point about it not being discussed but maybe he's scared to? I don't know.

 

I'm not saying she is going there specifically to cheat, I'm saying if he keeps letting her go to these places the way she is, she will cheat. Read his post, does she seem like the type of girl who is trustworthy?

 

And he clearly said she dances with other men so I assume she does go frequently and she has taken another man's number when he went to get water, and this is only the stuff he's aware of!

 

he wrote:

 

"She has before taken a guys number when she was drunk at a club with me, when I had gone to get her water, but this was almost a year ago and I havent seen any similar type of behavior."

 

So I do not assume she is untrustworthy nor that she does this a lot. Do they live together? How much opportunity is he aware of that she does etc etc? A year is quite some time...

 

Also. In the distant past, I've given my number out to men, just to get them to leave me alone --- no intentions of answering their calls (bad, I know).

 

I also never, ever cheated on my boyfriend at the time.

[Ginger Beer]

he wrote:

 

"She has before taken a guys number when she was drunk at a club with me, when I had gone to get her water, but this was almost a year ago and I havent seen any similar type of behavior."

 

So I do not assume she is untrustworthy nor that she does this a lot. Do they live together? How much opportunity is he aware of that she does etc etc? A year is quite some time...

 

Also. In the distant past, I've given my number out to men, just to get them to leave me alone --- no intentions of answering their calls (bad, I know).

 

I also never, ever cheated on my boyfriend at the time.

 

Don't you think it is cause for concern though? The dancing with other men thing especially. And he says he hasn't seen any similar type of behaviour but that might be because she knew he saw so now she only does it when he's not there.

 

I didn't say she is definitely cheating, I just said I think the signs point to that and I still think they do. She is going on holiday without him with single friends to get drunk or go to clubs, that itself is cause for concern.

 

Re: being aware to her lifestyle, you'd think so, but some of us aren't like that. I know I wasn't, I ignored red flags in the past out of hope more than anything.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[NervisPervis]

There are 2 reasons these gals would have picked Vegas:

 

1 - They are big gamblers.

2 - Because everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

 

Figure it out from that.

[ASG]

Wow... Just... wow!!!

 

You guys are just... ridiculous! She's DANCED with people! WOW! She's obviously cheating!!!!

 

People don't do, when drunk, things they wouldn't do when sober. The fact that she went out with 2 single friends doesn't mean that she's going to cheat.

There's no "signs" pointing to anything, other than she went to Vegas with 2 friends and she likes to drink!

Dancing with other guys does NOT equate cheating and does NOT mean she'll cheat.

 

But if you have concerns... TALK to her! Don't talk to us! We can't help you. Call her up and tell her, look, I have this gut feeling, bla bla bla!

There's no point coming here on LS, cause everyone and their dog is gonna jump on the CHEATING bandwagon and you'll be none the wiser and just more paranoid!

[anne1707]

OP - if you wanted to have your doubts fuelled, this is the place to come. All it comes down to really is whether YOU trust her or not.

[rafallus]

Dancing with other guys does NOT equate cheating and does NOT mean she'll cheat.

 

Everyone has different boundaries.

 

If a girl is grinding and rubbing her ass up some man's crotch, I can see how some would consider it cheating.

 

Anyway, this can swing both ways. Either she can relapse and get pounded by strangers left and right, OR she can behave herself because she's in love with OP, and doesn't want to risk what they have. Seen it too.

 

Nobody can tell which one it is.

[Memphis Raines]

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years but this weekend she took a trip with two girlfriends to las vegas to party and relax. She is 8 years older than me and has a kid, me being 29 and she is 37. Im just trying to battle these thoughts that she is out there cheating on me while on vacation. She told me she is going to go to clubs

 

ask yourself this, do you think she'd go to clubs if it there were only women there?

 

 

and hit the pool while there, but I cant get the thought of her cheating on me out of my head. her birthday was the weekend before and I went all out and gave her a great birthday, and she actually wanted to have dinner with me the night before she left for vegas. So everything is going well right now, but she is known to dance with other guys and I dont know if shed get blackout drunk and do something bad.

 

oh she is in Vegas and miles away from you. she won't need to get drunk to mess around. what you don't know won't hurt you, and what happens in Vegas, stays there.

 

 

She has gotten really drunk with her friends before when I wasnt there, and actually wanted me to look after her because of this.

 

why? because she doesn't even trust herself?

 

and partiers don't have a good track record of being faithful. they party for a reason, and again, wouldn't be as fun if the opposite sex wasn't around. wonder why that is?

 

 

[quot]eBut her two friends that are going with her are single, one friend I know well and I cant say I have seen her sleep around anytime we all have gone out either, but the other friend idk about. She has before taken a guys number when she was drunk at a club with me

 

there you have it. she even had the guts to take a guy's number when you were with her. drunk isn't an excuse.

 

my man, she will be riding some guy's massive member in Vegas, you can't bet the bank on that. Not saying that to get to you, but you need to not be naive about this.

 

 

when I had gone to get her water, but this was almost a year ago and I havent seen any similar type of behavior. Please help me out guys, thanks

 

dump her

[Memphis Raines]

Oh yea she's cheating. Women always use that stupid "girls night out" excuse to drink and screw around with men in the club.

 

in a nutshell, what Clume said

[Memphis Raines]

Wow... Just... wow!!!

 

You guys are just... ridiculous! She's DANCED with people! WOW! She's obviously cheating!!!!

 

and of course taking a guy's number when his back is turned means nothing right? Or the fact she didn't even trust herself enough when partying.

 

or the fact that she seems to like to party ALOT. She is 37 and about to marry someone. maybe its time she grows up? or if she wants to act single, she shouldn't be getting married.

 

and based on his description of her, she shouldn't be getting married.

[Ginger Beer]

There are 2 reasons these gals would have picked Vegas:

 

1 - They are big gamblers.

2 - Because everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

 

Figure it out from that.

 

Agreed.

 

Wow... Just... wow!!!

 

You guys are just... ridiculous! She's DANCED with people! WOW! She's obviously cheating!!!!

 

People don't do, when drunk, things they wouldn't do when sober. The fact that she went out with 2 single friends doesn't mean that she's going to cheat.

 

There's no need to be sarcastic. And that's not even what I said. I said based on the stuff he has posted and the fact she is going on holiday with girlfriends, who are single may I add, to drink, it doesn't take a genius to work out there are going to be opportunities and if she has taken a number in the past, she could do it again and more, he isn't gonna be there and chances are he won't find out. Is this so hard to understand? I didn't say she IS cheating, it's likely if this holiday goes ahead she will though. How can you say it's not? All the signs are there.

 

OP - if you wanted to have your doubts fuelled, this is the place to come. All it comes down to really is whether YOU trust her or not.

 

This is classic female justification for unacceptable behaviour; whether he trusts her or not is for the benefit of HIS peace of mind and nothing else. It has no effect on whether she'll cheat or not. If he trusts her, he won't be worrying when she's away, if he doesn't he's gonna be paranoid. She doesn't think to herself as a tesosterone-fueled male grinds his erect cock up her thigh, 'oh I know, I won't cheat... because my boyfriend trusts me'.

 

It doesn't work like that. You don't cheat because you love your partner and nothing compares to them, not because THEY trust YOU.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[stillafool]

OP, if you are going to be in a relationship with this (more than) grown woman you should at least trust her to go on a trip to Vegas. Even if her and her friends do have a few drinks and some laughs it doesn't mean she is going to have sex with anyone. If you don't trust her enough to even do this you don't need to be with her.

[chelle21689]

I didn't want to reply but I thought I should because I know everyone that thinks she is cheating on here is probably making you feel worse. Honestly, this is one of the mistakes of going online with your problems because not everyone knows how your relationship is and how you two are together...and sometimes things just sound bad from one side of the story. The people give you advice and put thoughts in your head that could definitely affect your relationship making it worse. You don't want to do that...but anyways I think you should trust your girlfriend on the vacation and that's the only way. If you don't trust her then it's just going to break your relationship and weaken it. I agree with other people, talk to her about your fears and how you feel and see what can be done about it.

 

I don't see anything wrong with going on vacation with the girls. I don't think dancing is cheating but I wouldn't like it if some girl was grinding her butt on my man. I danced with other guys when I was in a relationship but my butt wasn't on their crotch....

 

lol

[Ginger Beer]

I didn't want to reply but I thought I should because I know everyone that thinks she is cheating on here is probably making you feel worse. Honestly, this is one of the mistakes of going online with your problems because not everyone knows how your relationship is and how you two are together...and sometimes things just sound bad from one side of the story. The people give you advice and put thoughts in your head that could definitely affect your relationship making it worse. You don't want to do that...but anyways I think you should trust your girlfriend on the vacation and that's the only way. If you don't trust her then it's just going to break your relationship and weaken it. I agree with other people, talk to her about your fears and how you feel and see what can be done about it.

 

I don't see anything wrong with going on vacation with the girls. I don't think dancing is cheating but I wouldn't like it if some girl was grinding her butt on my man. I danced with other guys when I was in a relationship but my butt wasn't on their crotch....

 

lol

 

This is why you think it's OK.

 

Also, you don't like other girls dancing with your man but it's OK for you to dance with other men?

 

And @ the trust line again. He has no choice.

[Space Ritual]

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years but this weekend she took a trip with two girlfriends to las vegas to party and relax. She is 8 years older than me and has a kid, me being 29 and she is 37. Im just trying to battle these thoughts that she is out there cheating on me while on vacation. She told me she is going to go to clubs and hit the pool while there, but I cant get the thought of her cheating on me out of my head. her birthday was the weekend before and I went all out and gave her a great birthday, and she actually wanted to have dinner with me the night before she left for vegas. So everything is going well right now, but she is known to dance with other guys and I dont know if shed get blackout drunk and do something bad. She has gotten really drunk with her friends before when I wasnt there, and actually wanted me to look after her because of this. But her two friends that are going with her are single, one friend I know well and I cant say I have seen her sleep around anytime we all have gone out either, but the other friend idk about. She has before taken a guys number when she was drunk at a club with me, when I had gone to get her water, but this was almost a year ago and I havent seen any similar type of behavior. Please help me out guys, thanks

 

From what you have described there is not alot of trust in your relationship...I mean with her taking a guy's number when you were getting water...kind of a red flag there as far as a predictor of future behaviors from your GF....I mean that is pretty brazen. Had that been my GF that had done that Id have dumped her right then and there without as much as a second thought...but I am not you...so only you can decide what you will tolerate...

 

So you now have a couple of choices...either simply trust she will be a saint in Sin City and have the nagging questions unresolved in your mind and stay suspicious based on her past behaviors, which will eventually lead to the end of the relationship in one capacity or another...or end it now.

Frankly I think you will question her probably at every turn from now on, regardless, so your relationship more likely than not will soon see its last sunrise in either case....

[anne1707]

This is classic female justification for unacceptable behaviour; whether he trusts her or not is for the benefit of HIS peace of mind and nothing else. It has no effect on whether she'll cheat or not. If he trusts her, he won't be worrying when she's away, if he doesn't he's gonna be paranoid. She doesn't think to herself as a tesosterone-fueled male grinds his erect cock up her thigh, 'oh I know, I won't cheat... because my boyfriend trusts me'.

 

It doesn't work like that. You don't cheat because you love your partner and nothing compares to them, not because THEY trust YOU.

 

It was not an attempt at justification whatsoever (and I love the attempt at misogyny ). Very, very strange logic.

 

 

What I was getting at is that the OP actually knows his girlfriend IN REAL LIFE. Hence is in a much better position than any others here on LS to state how she may or may not be behaving.

[Ginger Beer]

It was not an attempt at justification whatsoever (and I love the attempt at misogyny ). Very, very strange logic.

 

 

What I was getting at is that the OP actually knows his girlfriend IN REAL LIFE. Hence is in a much better position than any others here on LS to state how she may or may not be behaving.

 

It's not misogyny, the only people defending her in this thread have been women.

[anne1707]

It's not misogyny, the only people defending her in this thread have been women.

 

Yes it was misogyny because you accused me of "female" behaviours in a derogatory manner.

 

As it is, my comments offered neither defence nor attack. I was suggesting to the OP that he looks to his knowledge, understanding and instincts about his girlfriend rather than to LS. I would (and have) said exactly the same if the OP was a woman posting about her boyfriend.