Girlfriend went on trip to vegas with her girlfriends

[fltc]

... of YOUR behavior, not hers. If you don't trust her you have no relationship and you've made it clear you do not trust her.

 

Your suspicions may be valid or not but you cannot stay with a woman you can't trust.

[dasein]

Who knows whether she will cheat in Vegas, but the taking numbers, getting blotto drunk, asking you to "protect her" from friends' influence (the most telling thing of all), and dancing with strange men aren't good signs. Women of quality simply do not do these things when involved in exclusive relationships that they value, they simply don't. People of quality don't allow themselves to get into risky situations that would turn their SO off or make their SO jealous, they have more empathy and respect for their partner than that.

 

No woman I've ever dated would put up with such behaviors from me while exclusive, not one, yet so many women jump to defend their right to go out to clubs, get sh-tfaced, and dance with strange men, things they absolutely wouldn't allow their BFs to do.

[Ginger Beer]

Who knows whether she will cheat in Vegas, but the taking numbers, getting blotto drunk, asking you to "protect her" from friends' influence (the most telling thing of all), and dancing with strange men aren't good signs. Women of quality simply do not do these things when involved in exclusive relationships that they value, they simply don't. People of quality don't allow themselves to get into risky situations that would turn their SO off or make their SO jealous, they have more empathy and respect for their partner than that.

 

No woman I've ever dated would put up with such behaviors from me while exclusive, not one, yet so many women jump to defend their right to go out to clubs, get sh-tfaced, and dance with strange men, things they absolutely wouldn't allow their BFs to do.

 

Finally, some sense.

 

One of the best posts I've seen for a long time on here.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Who knows whether she will cheat in Vegas, but the taking numbers, getting blotto drunk, asking you to "protect her" from friends' influence (the most telling thing of all), and dancing with strange men aren't good signs. Women of quality simply do not do these things when involved in exclusive relationships that they value, they simply don't. People of quality don't allow themselves to get into risky situations that would turn their SO off or make their SO jealous, they have more empathy and respect for their partner than that.

 

No woman I've ever dated would put up with such behaviors from me while exclusive, not one, yet so many women jump to defend their right to go out to clubs, get sh-tfaced, and dance with strange men, things they absolutely wouldn't allow their BFs to do.

 

Huh? People have to communicate their boundaries, otherwise they will likely be crossed. You can't just sit in silence and hope your partner can read your mind... fact is, peoples boundaries for things DIFFER from one another.

 

"People of quality" (which is also subjective) at least need to know what their partner considers inappropriate or not.

 

I'm not even saying the OP didn't raise his concerns --- I inquired --- but based on his post, everything was "fine" until she left and she left while in the dark.

 

And... some women do allow their boyfriends/husbands to go out and party with the "guys". It exists.

[ASG]

Huh? People have to communicate their boundaries, otherwise they will likely be crossed. You can't just sit in silence and hope your partner can read your mind... fact is, peoples boundaries for things DIFFER from one another.

 

"People of quality" (which is also subjective) at least need to know what their partner considers inappropriate or not.

 

I'm not even saying the OP didn't raise his concerns --- I inquired --- but based on his post, everything was "fine" until she left and she left while in the dark.

 

And... some women do allow their boyfriends/husbands to go out and party with the "guys". It exists.

 

THIS!

 

For *ME* dancing isn't innapropriate. As long as there is no kissing and groping, grind all you want, I'll be taking him home, not you!

 

And I do allow my SO's to go out with the guys to wherever they might choose! Getting drunk usually happens and there being girls is just something that doesn't even bother me!

 

For me to be in a relationship, I need to trust the other person enough to be comfortable with him going out without me and having girls throw themselves at him.

And I obviously expect the same kind of trust.

 

If I was in the OP's position and I had concerns, I would have voiced them BEFORE my SO went on the trip.

[dasein]

The thread is about whether her past actions leading to mistrust in OP is reasonable, not about any setting of boundaries. The expectation that your SO will not go out, get drunk, dance with strange men, and have to be "protected" from men or their friends' influence are not "boundaries" but questionable behaviors that a couple may or may not decide to allow.

[Dalicias]

Ok, whoa. First off, if you're having these thoughts, then you don't trust her, which right there tells me, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

 

Also, what the heck type of bull**** is, "She isn't supposed to go on vacation with her single girlfriends to a place like Vegas."? She can do whatever she wants. I*t's not her fault her friends are single.

 

Sure, her past is a little shaky with her getting a guys number, but she never acted on this did she? She doesn't have a "past" as much as I can see.

 

Wait until she gets back to decide on ANYTHING. She if she treats you differently. If she doesn't and tells you all about her trip, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you just can't help but worry about it too much, break up with her...because there is no relationship without trust. If she treats you differently, then you know something is up. Just break up with her rather than trying to find details that will just make you cringe anyways.

 

Good luck!

[jeremy711]

Dude...i get where your doubts are from. But honestly you'd just be worrying for 2 weeks while she went away and that would suck for you. Just trust her that she would do the right thing. And if she cheats she cheats. You can't do anything about it. But if she is going to cheat there would be nothing you can do about it....whether it was here or in vegas!

[Ginger Beer]

Ok, whoa. First off, if you're having these thoughts, then you don't trust her, which right there tells me, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

 

Also, what the heck type of bull**** is, "She isn't supposed to go on vacation with her single girlfriends to a place like Vegas."? She can do whatever she wants. I*t's not her fault her friends are single.

 

Sure, her past is a little shaky with her getting a guys number, but she never acted on this did she? She doesn't have a "past" as much as I can see.

 

Wait until she gets back to decide on ANYTHING. She if she treats you differently. If she doesn't and tells you all about her trip, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you just can't help but worry about it too much, break up with her...because there is no relationship without trust. If she treats you differently, then you know something is up. Just break up with her rather than trying to find details that will just make you cringe anyways.

 

Good luck!

 

You've COMPLETELY missed the point. Stop trying to defend her behaviour, she has disrespected the OP several times. Dancing with other men is disrespectful, the OP obviously feels uncomfortable with it. But it's OK because she can do what she wants? Right.

 

Fact is, when you're in a relationship, you can't 'do whatever you want', there are two of you to consider. Stop with your selfish point of view!

[dasein]

She can do whatever she wants.

 

She sure can!

 

And he can dump her ass for being disrespectful, I would. Then she can go to Vegas and be single right along with her single GFs, get drunk off her ass, dance up a storm with all the men in the world, give out her number as much as she wants, and suck as much strange d-ck as she cares to. Good for her!

[ASG]

You've COMPLETELY missed the point. Stop trying to defend her behaviour, she has disrespected the OP several times. Dancing with other men is disrespectful, the OP obviously feels uncomfortable with it. But it's OK because she can do what she wants? Right.

 

Fact is, when you're in a relationship, you can't 'do whatever you want', there are two of you to consider. Stop with your selfish point of view!

 

 

No, YOU've missed the point.

 

The point is, she can do whatever she wants if the OP hasn't said that it makes him uncomfortable.

Again, boudaries differ from person to person. What's innapropriate for me might not be for you and when it comes to relationships it's no different.

 

People here on LS hae a tendency to think that relationships are black and white but that's is most definitely NOT the case.

 

As I've said, for ME, my BF dancing with a girl is not a problem. I will still be taking him home, not the random girl. It's called having confidence in yourself and your relationship.

Some people work and feel differently. That's all very well IF those feelings have been expressed.

If they haven't then the OP hasn't been honest and has let on a wrong impresion of himself, trying to play it cool when he's not.

[Ginger Beer]

No, YOU've missed the point.

 

The point is, she can do whatever she wants if the OP hasn't said that it makes him uncomfortable.

Again, boudaries differ from person to person. What's innapropriate for me might not be for you and when it comes to relationships it's no different.

People here on LS hae a tendency to think that relationships are black and white but that's is most definitely NOT the case.

 

As I've said, for ME, my BF dancing with a girl is not a problem. I will still be taking him home, not the random girl. It's called having confidence in yourself and your relationship.

Some people work and feel differently. That's all very well IF those feelings have been expressed.

If they haven't then the OP hasn't been honest and has let on a wrong impresion of himself, trying to play it cool when he's not.

 

If you've read through the thread you'll see I already commented on this point. Maybe he is scared to mention it, I don't know. It is a good point but what you're saying is someone can then keep doing stuff until the partner says 'hold on, I don't like that', why can't they just have consideration for their partner and not do it? If I'm dating a girl, she may be completely fine with me complimenting other women, she might not, but if I truly care about her why would I take that risk? And...

 

Also, what the heck type of bull**** is, "She isn't supposed to go on vacation with her single girlfriends to a place like Vegas."? She can do whatever she wants. I*t's not her fault her friends are single.

 

Why does a woman in a relationship choose to go to Vegas with her single girlfriends to drink and party? OK, if you want to be pedantic, it is her choice, but why? Just think about that for a minute, she isn't going there to look at the casinos is she? Those of you who are saying there's nothing wrong because it's her choice are being very short-sighted about things, yes, it's not her fault her girlfriends are single, but there is no way you can think going to Vegas with her single girlfriends to party, without her boyfriend and with her history of dancing with other men and taking a number, is not a problem. You would not be saying this if it was the other way round.

[rafallus]

As I've said, for ME, my BF dancing with a girl is not a problem. I will still be taking him home, not the random girl. It's called having confidence in yourself and your relationship.

 

Let's have a little fun with that:

 

What if they started kissing during the grinding (it happens quite often, at least in my cases)? Not necessarily full-blown make out session, more like he really feels strongly about her and randomly kisses exposed parts of her body, and boy, does she like it? Yet, you know you still take him home.

 

If you're OK with that, how about a situation, if they both disappear, presumably to go to the toilet to have a quickie/BJ/whatever? And yet, you still take him home...

[Ginger Beer]

Let's have a little fun with that:

 

What if they started kissing during the grinding (it happens quite often, at least in my cases)? Not necessarily full-blown make out session, more like he really feels strongly about her and randomly kisses exposed parts of her body, and boy, does she like it? Yet, you know you still take him home.

 

If you're OK with that, how about a situation, if they both disappear, presumably to go to the toilet to have a quickie/BJ/whatever? And yet, you still take him home...

 

Exactly.

[Memphis Raines]

... of YOUR behavior, not hers. If you don't trust her you have no relationship and you've made it clear you do not trust her.

 

Your suspicions may be valid or not but you cannot stay with a woman you can't trust.

 

no, he must dump her because of HER behavior. not because he can't stay with someone he can't trust, but rather someone that is not trustworthy, and has proven such.

[Ginger Beer]

no, he must dump her because of HER behavior. not because he can't stay with someone he can't trust, but rather someone that is not trustworthy, and has proven such.

 

I love how some of the women are trying to switch the blame on to the OP.

[Ginger Beer]

Of course they are. It's typical of them.

 

I'm not sexist at all, I know not all women are bad but I'm just saying the OP has done nothing wrong whatsoever so doesn't deserve to be told he should end the relationship because of HIS behaviour, that is completely ridiculous.

 

Just wanted to post that in case any of LS's women read it and think I'm bashing women, which I'm not.

 

I think it's typical of bad women to try and shift the blame yeah though, yeah.

[Woggle]

This is another example of how some and do mean some and not all women will always blame the man. Do you really truly think he has no reason to worry?

[Ginger Beer]

This is another example of how some and do mean some and not all women will always blame the man. Do you really truly think he has no reason to worry?

 

The thing that annoys me is the 'it doesn't matter if it's wrong, it's her choice' attitude from some of the women in the thread.

[Woggle]

The thing that annoys me is the 'it doesn't matter if it's wrong, it's her choice' attitude from some of the women in the thread.

 

And they are the same ones who condemn men in other threads for having no respect for women and people wonder why I have such a hard time trusting women.

[Ginger Beer]

And they are the same ones who condemn men in other threads for having no respect for women and people wonder why I have such a hard time trusting women.

 

Agree, I think everyone should condemn who is wrong though, I mean, it would've been nice for some of the women to post in here and let the OP know he's not being unreasonable but that hasn't happened. I do the same in threads where the male is clearly in the wrong.

[Woggle]

Agree, I think everyone should condemn who is wrong though, I mean, it would've been nice for some of the women to post in here and let the OP know he's not being unreasonable but that hasn't happened. I do the same in threads where the male is clearly in the wrong.

 

Women in the other thread wanted example of misandry well here they are. I would actually respect some women on here if they would come out and say they are simply defending her because she is a woman.

[fltc]

no, he must dump her because of HER behavior. not because he can't stay with someone he can't trust, but rather someone that is not trustworthy, and has proven such.

 

You missed the point, the behavior your partner isn't relevent.

 

If you don't trust your partner you shouldn't stay, it doesn't matter if your mis-trust is justified or not, you can't (or shouldn't) be in a relationship w/o trust.

[Memphis Raines]

You missed the point, the behavior your partner isn't relevent.

 

If you don't trust your partner you shouldn't stay

 

true, but in this case it isn't a man not trusting his partner for no reason. she has PROVEN herself untrustworthy.

 

you made it sound as if he is the one with the problem. he's not.

[Ginger Beer]

You missed the point, the behavior your partner isn't relevent.

 

If you don't trust your partner you shouldn't stay, it doesn't matter if your mis-trust is justified or not, you can't (or shouldn't) be in a relationship w/o trust.

 

true, but in this case it isn't a man not trusting his partner for no reason. she has PROVEN herself untrustworthy.

 

you made it sound as if he is the one with the problem. he's not.

 

Correct. He's done nothing wrong ffs.