7 months later ex tells friend he dreams about me?

[Calypsoo]

Please help me out here

Brief background info

LTR mad crazy passionate, last 12 months I neglect him ( new job, study - no excuse I know) he gets together with co worker and dumps me january

 

I beg plead for a week even write the letter ( I know I know ) then leave him alone

3 months later I text him to return all my stuff, we meet he cries says he's seeing someone else and happier now, I ask him if he loves her he just looks uncomfortable and says she's really good to him and easy to be with. I comfort him tell him i just want him to be happy and ive learnt a lot i dont ask for him backHe stays for 3 hours and he just didn't seem to want to leave, we are flirting at one point. Believe me the chemistry in the air was indescribable I was not expecting him to be how he was and his actions around me staring at me, atmosphere was charged etc appeared to contradict his words

 

After he left I crumbled I wasn't expecting the encounter to go that way , he had been ice cold when he dumped me, I felt I'd handled things well and had high hopes

 

We texted a month later about detail for the arrangements for some money he has been repaying me and he was totally ice again and rudeto me, just about broke my heart again

 

I see him in the traffic one morning just after this and he sends me a friendly text, I ignore it

 

So 2 weeks ago I qualify and send group text saying I'd passed cheers to me etc he replies well done

I've done everything I can to move on 3 months strict nc till I had to get my stuff and no contact until I sent that last text I've joined a gym lost 15lb stepped up my work, qualified taken up new hobbies, positive affirmations blah blah blah but the truth is I still love him

 

I hear last week from a mutual friend that fir the first time since the split he has been asking about me ( this is why I included him on the group text) now this weekend I hear from a different mutual friend this:

 

He thinks I'm such a lovely person

His new relationship is so easy there's no hassle

They have never ever fought in 7 months

Then says that he dreams about me a lot

 

WTF??

I just wanna try to meet with him

I've seen him once since jan and he has said this really threw him out and upset him for a few weeks ??!

 

He left crying

[aerogurl87]

Just cause the relationship is easy doesn't mean he's really happy or in love with his girlfriend. Tread carefully and maybe ask him to hang out with a group of friends to see where he is with you emotionally now.

[lucacoleman]

It just goes to show that he really cares about you that he couldn't still move on. And I do agree that if a relationship doesn't have any fights then it's not a relationship at all because you don't care enough to be mad or be bothered with each other. So, just hang out with him with a group of friends and show him what he is missing out on.

[insaneinthebrain]

you blame your self for the break.. but you shouldnt. Relationships take 2 people, and if he cant handle a little neglect while your busy with other parts of your life, then really, its probably best that he be out of your life.... dont even think about going back to him .... He sounds like a cheater.

[Calypsoo]

Thank you for reading and taking time to reply

 

I'm not holding out any hope but I'd be lying if I didn't admit this dreaming of me made he curious

I mean, this guy dropped me and skipped off to his new woman without a backward glance, telling anyone who'd listen how much happier he was

It really really sucked

I didn't even get a conversation face to face just boom! Gone

I am moving on pretty nicely thanks I suppose it's just interesting to hear peoples opinion on the whole dreaming of me situation

My feeling is that I have dealt with my emotions and processes the break up and as painful as that was in January etc it's a healthier way

I'll soon start dating again !

 

My understanding is that dreams are processing yr subconscious mind. Kinda funny that he can walk away and block me out but when he sleeps he's dreaming of me! Haha lifes a bitch eh?

[Calypsoo]

A couple of you have recommended that I arrange to hang out with him in a group of friends to see where he is at, show him what he's missing

This is exactly what I'd love to do because his reaction to meeting me after 3 months nc to drop of my things, was so... extreme

 

But I just don't see how I can make this happen. He's bailed out of attending ANYTHING involving mutual friends if I may be there.

 

It's soo wierd because my gut feeling is that if we spent anytime together he would be having second thoughts and it's just wrong of me to want this scenario to happen because in my heart I know I've moved on so much and could never go back

Even the way he ended such a ltr in that cowardly way tells me I'm way better off without him and I have come such a long way since being dumped in January

But I don't know what it is?

Do you think it's just a woman scorned kinda thing? And my ego wants the boost of seeing that he regrets his decision?

Bad me!!

I was completely stunned by his reaction to seeing me the last time . And our mutual friends tell me that he now asks about me, talks affectionately about me etc tells them he had never loved anyone like he loved me etc

 

The bottom line is when he fell for this co worker I had seriously neglected him for the last 6 months ( new demanding job plus started studying) and she is definitely the "safe bet" she is by all accounts very quiet, very plain and absolutely adores him. I can see why initially that turned his head but I know him and how outgoing he is and can't see him keeping interest long term

A mutual friend described it like " it's as if he's scared of being in the same room as you he knows the chemistry you guys had"

 

Another friend of his unprompted said " it's far from over with you two that's for sure, he's telling us he's dreaming of you most nights"

I told his friend nothing as I'm sure my close friends and family would be horrified to know that I'm even speculating on what his feelings are for me anymore

I guess it really doesn't matter but I would just love to spend an evening in his company and see how he is

He told me that after dropping my things off after the first 3 months total nc, it totally threw him and unsettled him for a long time. Just wierd, I was text book nice, no talking about the relationship no recriminations all happy happy happy etc

 

I guess I'd like people who have recently been dumped to know that things aren't as clear cut for the dumper as they make out, maybe not straight away but somewhere down the line these negative feelings towards you can do a total u turn

And I mean, my dumper was harsh! I got a text!!

Just get some comfort from the fact they can realise the grass isn't always greener

 

I just thank god I have got all my pain and crying out of the way and honestly feel if I were to spend time with him amongst friends, I would feel indifferent ( apart from curiosity to how he handles being around me! )

Another thing worth mentioning is that he is a very stubborn man and I think he'll would freeze over before he backtracked and admitted he made a mistake. He has a child with each of his exs and has regular contact with both of them I guess it's different with me cos I just fell of the face of his world when he left!

 

Like I

[TheDovic]

He said on more than one occasion this new relationship is really "easy" but that doesn't mean it's loving, exciting or fun! He's also giving very mixed messages, i.e. although he is with someone else his actions (which for me are more important than words because they're more difficult to control) are saying he might not be over you i.e. he dreams about you and he was staring at you when you met!

 

It seems to me he is very conflicted at present and doesn't appear to know what he wants. PS, dreams are the minds way of resolving things that have happened to us during the day, so he must be thinking about you a lot if he's dreaming about you a lot. To me this doesn't suggest that he's 100% happy in his new relationship regardless of what he says.