accepted the break up, but not the regret..

[Dblock10]

Thanks to this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t294771/

 

iv'e accepted the situation that i was put in better. however, i cant shake the regret I have about the pre break up

 

"what if i didn't suggest to her it wouldn't work whilst she goes, what if i didn't say to her "your'll want to cut ties, enjoy yourself, be free" you saying "you really like me" is that enough to stay with me? her not sounding sure about me meeting her in australia all put doubt and bad thoughts in my head.. now i think what if i hadnt put doubt in her mind...

 

i keep thinking this break up wouldn't have happened. if i could have kept my cool and took it in my stride and gave her a bit of space whilst we went into Long Distance etc and see how it went then we wouldn't have needed to officially break up.

 

its just i was constantly thinking about it and because i couldnt see her like i normally did i went a bit ott. i wanted to know one way or the other instead of feeling like i was in limbo.. it was torture. and being as she never said she loved me, what chance at 6 months whilst she travels did we realistically have?

and the fact that she was unsure of what she wanted to do with her life once back and told me she couldnt promise me anything just to keep me happy... i felt there wasnt much point in hanging on and putting myself through a very tough time where i wouldnt end up with the prize anyway..

 

or i think... would she have decided those things for herself anyway and given me the same reasons she did when i finally went to talk to her in person?

 

as when i kept asking her in the early stages of when we talked about "us" i asked what would happen, and she never knew. she wasn't saying. she hadn't thought about it she told me.

 

i took it as an indicator that she wasn't fussed either way and thought surely she would just know about staying together? or at least say she wanted to stay with me:(.

 

plus it felt like i wouldn't see her before she left anyway since she was working all hours and she wasn't booking time off to see me on my birthday or any other time as she "couldn't" due to loosing future hours, money etc yet later i found out she had booked time off for friends before she leaves

 

 

so yeah. i am dwelling on regretting my words. even though later i set them straight, told her my thought process. but by then she was dead set on being independent for this trip.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Dblock10

[Nohbody]

Nothing you can do. That powerlessness is horrible, but it's true.

 

She has to make her own decisions. You have to make yours.

 

Good luck.

[smudge21]

What if you'd have picked those different numbers in the lottery?

 

The fact is, life is full of what ifs and regrets, but it doesn't matter even if we could change them, as then there would be other things to regret. You really have no idea how things could've worked out if you'd have done things differently. You think it would've all been great, but in truth, it could've gone much much worse.

 

I can look back at my most recent ex and there are so many times I wish I could change something, but then I know that there would be something else happen that I would want to change. The regret would still be there as in reality, it was never meant to be. As hard as that is to accept, I look back and know that nothing I could've done would've made her stay with me.

 

Stop focusing on what you can't change. Just accept it's done and learn from it. Use this knowledge the next time you're facing a similar situation - oddly, it does happen.

[Dblock10]

you know what, you are right, if it hadn't been for this, it would have been for that, or something else... and it could have ended up worse, for example you never know she could go off with someone else... even worse!

 

Stop focusing on what you can't change. Just accept it's done and learn from it. Use this knowledge the next time you're facing a similar situation - oddly, it does happen. great words.

 

and as buddha says, "one of the secrets to inner peace is realising that the past is unchangeable and the future unknowable"

 

 

thanks nohbody. again, spot on.

 

 

i just got to live my life. if she contacts me she will. the ball is in her court after all that was said and done. i shouldn't feel bad for not keeping in contact at all should i?

 

so basically! nothing left for me to do. i cant keep pestering her. just make her resent me, or like im not giving her what she wanted, which was to be free whilst travelling and not have to worry about me...

 

sure she said keep in contact and update each other with our lives but, she could have asked how my nan was u know..

 

basically everyone i know have told me ball is in her court for sure. based on the events and what was said and what happened

cant wait to move on..