"Boyfriend of three years broke up with me on Wednesday and is already seeing someone

[pixiegrrl28]

I am so sad. I just found out yesterday that my ex-boyfriend is already seeing someone and we just broke up a week ago. This leads me to believe that maybe, he was already seeing this person when we were together. Please help me deal with this. I can't eat, and I can't sleep. This hurts so, bad!! I did not find out from him that he was already seeing someone so, he does not know that I know. I have initiated the no contact rule. What else can I do? Any advice would be appreciated!

[Confusedgrl]

Try and forget about him. I know it's hard. I'm trying. But time heal ( or so everyone says)

[Sundaymorning]

you need to do what you need to do. And no, it does not always mean that he knew or met this person while yall were together. if you need to get to the bottom of it, do it. otherwise, the pain will slowly fade. Why dont you get another guy too? it makes the pain go away quite fast and well. Im serious!

[pixiegrrl28]

I can't get another guy because, I am still very much in love with him. I can't imagine being with someone else right now. Thank you for answering my post I feel very alone right now!

[Sundaymorning]

you are feeling what is normal. but perhaps you might want to figure out the reasons you are not together. You will always want someone more when they do not want to be with you and even more- when they are with someone else-

you need to do whats best for you and feeling bad is not one of them.

[bluechocolate]

The sad truth is that if you two are no longer together he is free to do whatever he wants. There is nothing to gain from torturing yourself over whether he was cheating on you or not.

 

You say you've initiated no-contact - that is a good thing. Meeting other men right now would not be helpful for you and it would be unfair on any man that you might go out with. It's only been a week and 3 years is no small investment. You'll need time before you start feeling better.

[pixiegrrl28]

Thank you blue chocolate for your words of wisdom. I just can't stop thinking about the fact that he is with someone else. It makes me sick to my stomach. How do I stop thinking about it? The problem is he is friends with my family so, there is always going to be that tie there. I agree that getting a guy is a really bad idea right now. Everyone said he is going to be sorry. I even told him he would regret this, and he said he probably will. He was even telling me that he loved me very much and he hoped he was making the right decision. He asked me to give him this time and space to figure things out. But, how is he going to figure things out if he is with someone else?

 

By, the way his dad killed himself in front of my ex when he was fifteen. He never went to counseling for it but, the rest of his family did. The counselor told his mom that because, he never dealt with it the first person he fell in love with would get a bunch of crap dumped on her. Well, here I am trying to unbury myself from this mess. He never talks about what his dad did with anyone. He is what I like to call a stuffer. Just stuffs his feelings inside.

[Blah Toolz]

Don't think about the fact that he is with someone else... don't torture yourself. And just the fact that he is with someone else doesn't mean that they own him.

 

He said that he needs time and space... so I think that is the best thing to give to him right now. If you are constantly forcing your needs upon him, it will only push him away further. Just let him be for a bit... I know how hard it can be -- but do something for yourself. Start going to the gym, keep yourself healthy... don't let the change run your life. I know it's tough, I'm going through it right now... but you will make it. I hope it works out for you.

[pixiegrrl28]

Thanks Blah Toolz!! I know that I need to let him be, and you are right this is very hard. I know that I need to do things for myself and to make myself feel better but, it is so, hard to get the motivation to do things. Keeping myself healthy is hard too because, I have no appetite whatsoever. I know that this girl does not own him but, she certainly has precedence over me, and that sucks. He told me that he was never going to be closed off to us being together until he was married.

[bluechocolate]

Pixie - I was wondering how you know he started seeing someone else. If it's possible ask your family to minimise contact with him, at least while you're around and feeling this way. Also ask them not to tell you stuff about him.

 

Witnessing his father suicide at the age of 15 must have been devestating for him and is now proving to be painful for you too. These things have far reaching impacts and he'll probably be dumping on people all his life until he gets some professional help.

 

You say that he asked you for time and space to figure things out, which sounds like maybe he's not over you. Try not to worry about how he can figure things out with someone else, that's her problem now. If he does come back to you saying he made the wrong decision I hope that you take the opportunity then to insist that he seek counselling. Because if he doesn't and you re-start your relationship then you know that this will happen to you all over again.

 

I don't know how you can stop thinking about it, but it has only been a week. You will start to feel better. Buy some of your favourite junk food and stuff your face ( not too often though ), go out with friends and keep yourself busy.

 

Cheers

[pixiegrrl28]

Blue Chocolate you are a sweet person. I just talked to him and he said he missed me a lot and loved me. He said he had asked my cousin how I was doing. I asked him if he had started seeing this girl while we were still going out, and he got kind of mad and said I should know that he would never do this to me. So, I guess it makes me feel a little better. He if he doesn't call me it's not that he doesn't want to, it's because, right now he can't because, of needing time and space and for me to heal. He said I can call him whenever I need him. I asked him if there is a chance in the future that we could get back together and he said yes.

 

I also said that I hoped he was figuring things out and not jumping into some sort of relationship with this girl. He said it was nothing that they were just hanging out and that there was nothing going on. I hope this is true. He said he is worried about me and never meant to hurt me. That he hopes I know how sorry he is. He also told me to keep excercising because, it would make me feel better. That everything would be okay eventually. He still keeps calling me baby. We ended the phone call telling each other "I love you". He had to go because, his friends wife just had a baby yesterday, and he wanted to go see it. The baby's name just happens to be Jillian which is also my name. So, he must be reminded of me when he hears the baby's name. Anyway, sorry about the rambling!!

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by pixiegrrl28

Blue Chocolate you are a sweet person. I just talked to him and he said he missed me a lot and loved me. He said he had asked my cousin how I was doing. I asked him if he had started seeing this girl while we were still going out, and he got kind of mad and said I should know that he would never do this to me. So, I guess it makes me feel a little better. He if he doesn't call me it's not that he doesn't want to, it's because, right now he can't because, of needing time and space and for me to heal. He said I can call him whenever I need him. I asked him if there is a chance in the future that we could get back together and he said yes.

 

I also said that I hoped he was figuring things out and not jumping into some sort of relationship with this girl. He said it was nothing that they were just hanging out and that there was nothing going on. I hope this is true. He said he is worried about me and never meant to hurt me. That he hopes I know how sorry he is. He also told me to keep excercising because, it would make me feel better. That everything would be okay eventually. He still keeps calling me baby. We ended the phone call telling each other "I love you". He had to go because, his friends wife just had a baby yesterday, and he wanted to go see it. The baby's name just happens to be Jillian which is also my name. So, he must be reminded of me when he hears the baby's name. Anyway, sorry about the rambling!!

 

must be nice....i wish my guy missed me like that

[pixiegrrl28]

Meantolive4ever he is still with this other girl though! So, don't feel too bad.

[niko1999]

Pixie, dont get your hopes up too high over this. Though it does sound promising at the moment, dont forget that you do have a life outside of him, and if you exercise this life outside of him, you will get better. And if it was meant to be, it was meant to be. Sometimes people really just do need some time away. Hope everything works out the way you want it to:)

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by niko1999

Pixie, dont get your hopes up too high over this. Though it does sound promising at the moment, dont forget that you do have a life outside of him, and if you exercise this life outside of him, you will get better. And if it was meant to be, it was meant to be. Sometimes people really just do need some time away. Hope everything works out the way you want it to:)

 

yes if its meant to be its meant to be...just hang out with your friends n family...who knows what will happen

[pixiegrrl28]

Thanks for all your advice. I am trying not to read too much into this. It is so hard to start to have your own life after being with someone so long. I feel a real emptiness inside, and cry like you would not believe. His mom told me that I just need to give him his space, and maybe he will realize what he is missing. She told me that her and his dad broke up several times for six months or longer but, always came back to each other. I don't know how I am going to make six weeks let alone six months but, if that is what it takes I guess thats what I have to do. How do I stop myself from thinking about him and this girl? I hate it!!

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by pixiegrrl28

Thanks for all your advice. I am trying not to read too much into this. It is so hard to start to have your own life after being with someone so long. I feel a real emptiness inside, and cry like you would not believe. His mom told me that I just need to give him his space, and maybe he will realize what he is missing. She told me that her and his dad broke up several times for six months or longer but, always came back to each other. I don't know how I am going to make six weeks let alone six months but, if that is what it takes I guess thats what I have to do. How do I stop myself from thinking about him and this girl? I hate it!!

 

i hate it too but its been almost 3 months for me. So ive been there and done that. I dont try to think about it that much cause i always have this good feeling between me n him when i think about us. i duno why just this good gut feeling. Who knows. it was weird tho.

[pixiegrrl28]

Maybe because, you and your ex are meant to be. By the way, what is your situation? What happened with you two?

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by pixiegrrl28

Maybe because, you and your ex are meant to be. By the way, what is your situation? What happened with you two?

 

you can read about it in the thread called my problem..its too long to retyoe again lol...i dont know if we are or not...

[ContraryMary]

I was with my boyfriend for four years but was seeing someone a week later. I wasn't cheating on my boyfriend with this guy though. Just rebounding, I guess. Don't assume he was already cheating - he could be rebounding, himself.

[pixiegrrl28]

Are you still with the rebound guy?

[ContraryMary]

Originally posted by pixiegrrl28

Are you still with the rebound guy?

 

It's complicated. The rebound guy and I are still talking, but I think he's just using me, not 100% sure. I posted that story here and was advised that he is indeed playing me. I think the reason I was so willing to jump into something else is because I couldn't deal with the breakup and didn't want to think about my ex-boyfriend and how he had hurt me. Now that rebound guy has preoccupied my thoughts and things aren't going so well, I need to find something else to occupy my time and thoughts. I don't want to think about either one of them. I'm a bit anti-male right now.

 

Your ex could be doing the same thing, trying to avoid thinking about your breakup.

[pixiegrrl28]

I think my ex jumped into this new relationship so, he wouldn't have to deal with being alone after he broke up with me. So, instead I get to be the one that is alone. I think it makes it easier for him to not have to deal with hurting me. It keeps him busy. He doesn't deal with his feelings very well. He keeps everything inside.

[ContraryMary]

I went back through the thread to see if I could find why you and your boyfriend broke up, but didn't find it.

What was his reason?

[pixiegrrl28]

He says he needs time to figure out if we are meant to be together or not. But, how do you figure things out between us if you are already with someone else?