Got Ex Pregnant During Separation

[sk]

This is a very complicated and long story. But I will get straight to the point. I began dating somebody at my office that was going through a divorce. He's 10 years older than me and with a child. At the beginning of our relationship, I was very cautious and began trying to wait until his divorce was final. And I also wanted to sort out my feeling about being only 23, and being put into this situation. To make a long story short, I tried to stay away, but I was "wooed" and fell in love with this wonderful man. However, I told him, let's just take this as slow as possible to not hurt his wife during the process. Well, like any "bad situation", she saw his cell phone records, and called him out on our relationship. She called it an affair, and to this day we both don't feel that it was an "affair", because they were seperated, and he was trying to move on with his life.

 

Like any "scorned" woman, she wanted him back. Women always wants the man back, once the realize that somebody else wants them. So of course, now she's blaming me for the divorce, since he still doesn't want to be with her again. Well, one Sunday when he was over there to visiting his 2 year old daughter, she started coming onto him. Once he turned down her advances numerous times, she began to cry, and made he feel awful about leaving his daughter and the divorce. So, getting to him, like a women doen she seduced him into sex.

 

Well about a month and a half later, I did not know of this encounter...until she showed up at my parent's house (i live at home) while I was out, and told them that she was 6 weeks pregnent. My family has been supportive of our relationship, because my parents too met when my father was going through his divorce. But now...it's a mess. I confronted him on her revelation, and he broke down crying and saying, "I was just trying to make everyone happy. I am in love with you." She tricked him into getting her pregnent thinking he would stay with her.

 

This may sound pathetic, but I do believe him, and will forgive him for what happened. I look at it as bad timing on my part, that I should have stayed away until it was all over, and that this is a once in a lifetime love I have for this man.

 

But how do I get past the fact now that she is pregnant.

[bluechocolate]

What's the deal here?

 

If they're legally separated and going through a divorce then he cheated on you.

 

Poor defenseless guy was seduced & tricked into sleeping with her. And he didn't tell you about it. But I guess that was her fault too. Now that she's pregnant I would imagine he'll want to see his child. How is he going to defend himself from her wily ways? But he sounds pretty wily too ...

 

I tried to stay away, but I was "wooed" and fell in love with this wonderful man

 

How fortunate that two such defenseless souls could find each other.

 

They have a history ( and with a baby on the way, now they have a future ) and you, I'm afraid, were caught on the re-bound.

 

Your first instincts to wait for the final divorce were correct. But hey, the man of your dreams has gotten another woman pregnant and you believe him and forgive him, so everything's OK.

[HokeyReligions]

I don't want to sound mean because I know you are hurting. You made some pretty bad choices for yourself and now you have to deal with them. Welcome to the world.

 

What do you want? From him? From yourself?

 

How can you really trust him again since he cheated on his wife with you, and cheated on you with his wife? Is he such a weak-willed person that he has no control? Is that what you want?

 

NOTHING just happens. We all make choices and act upon our decisions. We all make bad choices sometimes and sadly those choices sometimes hurt other people.

 

Personally, my advice to you is to get out of the relationship, take a good hard look at yourself, your goals, your priorities in life, and how you handle relationships, your self-confidence and self-esteem and what you learned with this situation, and get yourself together before you embark on a new relationship. Once you have your own goals and expectations and dreams sorted out for the near future and some long-term goals, then you will know what to look for in new people and make better decisions for yourself.

 

Good luck.

[brashgal]

I'd like to add that at 23, you have your whole life ahead of you, lots of unattached men without children or ex-spouses to deal with are available to you. This has been a bad situation but live and learn and move on. Good luck!!

[virginia70065]

DEFINITELY agreeing with Brashgal.

 

I was in almost in the EXACT situation, except for she didn't get pregnant. She did, in her "seduction", manage to give him about 10 hickeys (!!) like a necklace around his neck. She did it on purpose, to show me that he was still sleeping with his legally seperated wife. Dumb me, took his side. Boy do I regret it, 10 years later.

 

If you think he's only going to be defenseless and weak with just one woman, you have another thing coming. Run, run, and don't look back. Don't bother with this situation.