A_Guy_1981 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Ok guys, the story continues, refer to this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t294074/ in order to read what went on... Basically, been living my life, having fun, meeting new people, sometimes thinking about her but not the in desperate, depressed and needy way it always starts off as when you first get dumped... This morning i get an sms... Hello ______...how are you? What to do what to do? Wait a few hours/days to answer back? I don't feel needy or clingy or desperate like I once (shamefully) did! I don't know if I want her back after she dumped me, as I never knew if she found anyone else in the meantime (refered to as cheating if happened b4 she dumped me).....I do still have feelings for her.... This could of course just be a casual hello, but i somehow doubt it... Do let me know guys please love A Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I believe that's called a breadcrumb, and hardly worth picking up to eat. Carry on walking for now and see if she leaves anything larger for you to sink your teeth into. Basically, no response. You say you feel good now, but I can tell you simply that it's very easy to slip back to where you were. I've felt fine so many times only to be brought back down again, often by similar contact. If she's interested and really wants more, she'll text again or even call. Post back when that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Thanks for the answer smudge, i agree with you... Basically if i don't answer and she doesn't either, then it was a breadcrumb, but if i don't answer and she writes again, then there is something? I know these are all questions everyone asks all the time, but what if she sees my not answering as a sign of having moved on/have someone else.... I mean i have "moved on" in a way, but won't deny still having feelings for her.... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I've just read through your original post and as the split was mutual without any cheating or anger, then part of me feels it actually may be okay to respond to this text... but give it a day or two. I know I said to ignore and in most cases that would be true, but I can't help feel that it's okay to be polite. She's asked how you are, so maybe reply back with "I'm fine, hope you're okay" - no questions to carry things on as you still want her to take the lead. If there's no hate between you both, then why create any? You have to decide what you want - could you handle just being her friend or is it a relationship or nothing. She may just miss you and want your friendship, she may even be with someone else. You don't know, and until you do, keep any response to a minimum. You've done well on the healing and contact like this can often set us back, no matter how healed with think we are. Obviously if cheating was involved my response would be to not reply until she's virtually begging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Well that's just the thing really, I know her long enough to know she was the most kind hearted person you can come across, not one to play games, and she ASSURED me there was noone else (of course you never know)... We were very close at some point but grew apart due to circumstances (me school, work her stress at work)... Yes there was not the slightest hint of hate between us, never in the 5 + years we were together...she is a lovely person! I've been doing great lately, managed to make a whole bunch of new friends, never sitting at home dwelling, joined the gym, feeling good about life to be honest... Guess i will give it a bit of time and then just be polite and leave it open for her to lead and see where it goes...I can definitely see us being good friends somewhere down the line, we are all mature adults and i accept that a relationship can end and people can move on and then meet again under a new "title" (friends).... I do feel i have made a HUGE step forward as this break up has made me grow and think about ME and i've been happy with ME lately... Thanks for the answer smudge Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Sounds a lot similar to me, hence why I've always been polite when she's made contact, but I can't go back to being her close friend (she's engaged now and I still have feelings), but I will always be her friend. If you can truly handle being friends then go for it, but consider what that means. Can you deal with her seeing someone else and telling you about them? Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Well, to be honest i'm not sure how I would feel inside if I see her and find out she has someone new, I guess being happy for her (truely and honestly) will free me from the pain, sooner or later, I know I care enough for her to want her to be happy, with me or someone else, it would be another hurdle to overcome but i know in the end would make me a much more loving and understanding human being. She told me NO contact for at least 2 months, and now she write me, so i have a feeling she's testing to see what's up... Will post back and update when something happens.... Thanks ever so much for your input it is very well appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Ok then, update! Wrote her back telling her i was very good, and that life was treating me well. Asked her how she's doing, and she wrote "everything is ok" and that "nothing special so far"....that got me thinking of what she was trying to say... She then wrote back asking if "i think" we should meet next week...to which i responded that "our friendship after all these years would be a shame to waste"...30secs later she calls.... She told she's not doing so good afterall,wanted to know if i had found another, i said i met a lot of new people these last few weeks.... she also said she's been thinking about us in a different light after these almost 4 weeks passed. She said she missed me a lot and I was on her mind quite a bit, and that during this time she never had anyone else... We will meet for a coffee this coming sunday.... let's see... Link to post Share on other sites
Hatu Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 keep it short and sweet brother. Don't give her too much information. Let her do most the talking! Try not to get too excited.. I made that mistake in the same situation with my ex! Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) edit just read your thread. seems like you are both mature enough at this stage to work it out. id say go with it. you clearly have something special you were with for 5 years! thats a long time! i think if its mutual break up then yes be polite. unless other reasons not to be... let us know what happens good luck Edited August 31, 2011 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Okay dude, be careful with the whole coffee thing. I would tell you the first time it looks like it's raining breadcrumbs, Bolt! "Oh Geez, Look at the time! I gotta get somewhere......anywhere...." Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Hey everyone thanks a bunch for your inputs/replies/opinions! I can honestly say i have changed as a person in the last month, yes one can say that it's not a long time, but when you count the seconds,mins,hours and days, you realize that yes you can change, you can choose to sit around and dwell on it, or, as in my case, accepted it's over and did every single thing in my power to be happy with ME! Somewhere in this relationship i had lost myself, set her up on a pedestal, and i know, i take responsibility, she didn't feel attracted to that guy anymore. I've met more people in the last month than i have in the last few years, so yes, a lot of people, been having a blast, been happy with life, so if i think deeply about it i can say yes i am ready for it. I went from i NEED her, to i would like to HAVE her in my life, and if you look at it, I also went from being dumped, to being the one who decides whether or not to continue or end it. Funny how life turns out sometimes, i suggest you all read the "laws of attraction" thread somewhere around here, it's amazing because i had just watched the movie literally a day before i found loveshack where i read the article. I had to ask myself if it's her that I missed or if it was me, and the answer was ME all along! I don't intend on setting myself up for another "coping" session, but she sounded like she missed me a lot, I warned her that I won't be the guy she turns to when she's feeling down, lonely or depressed. If i feel a hint of funniness, i'm out and back to NC, was doing fine without her and will do so again! Peace guys, thanks a lot i REALLY appreciate all the comments Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 ok guys update! We met, pandora's box opened, we made the most amazing love, and, after 5.5 years, we FINALLY fell in love... I can't put it into words....no breadcrumbs, i tell you it was raining big fat hug LOAFS OF BREAD!!! PEace and love to the world! Thank you all! Link to post Share on other sites
PositiveNegative Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Great story! I hope that you are able to go the distance. I myself am just starting NC today. At this moment I'm doing my best to make sure to make a better me and if she comes back, good, if not then I haven't wasted my time. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 The age old story of Samson and Delilah, See you soon brother, Delilah struck again. I'm taking bets who dares bet against me Link to post Share on other sites
DenumChkn Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Damn wilson the guy is riding high, why you gotta tear him down like that? maybe it doesn't work out in the long run, but what is the worst thing that happens - he takes another month to learn more about himself and make himself an even better person? I really don't see why everyone is so bitter on second chances, sure maybe the majority don't turn into marriages, but the majority of relationships you will be in during life won't either. If you or both parties really feel there is something there, I don't see the harm in giving it another shot (assuming cheating was not involved and both parties have 'grown up'). Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Thanks Denum, I am in a position where if it ends again tomorrow, i will be just as happy,.because i have changed who i am in the past month! She came back to me AFTER i had COMPLETELY accepted that its over and was about to start seeing another! I have had such a crazy summer u guys would go nuts! I was already so full of happiness before she contacted me that this energy was spilling on to every person i have met lately! She showed emotions i never felt so strongly from her, she said she has butterflies in her stomach, that because i am so happy in life she has never seen me so attractive...nobody can possibly fake the emotions she displayed, and knowing her for over.5yrs she is the most amazing.person i ever met, hence the peaceful breakup (if u read my oroginal thread), she left because i was basing my life on her and it took losing.each other to find each other again!!! People, i tell u work on urselves during ur relationships, stay happy, have a life and ur woman will adore u, provided u actually fit to start with, and we do! Nothing in life is guaranteed, dont turn down second chances, i attracted mine, didnt force it, didnt even ask for it, but when it came, i knew it was the right thing to do! If u get a decond chance and u havent changed or grown in the time apart, then talk to me about Delialah! Love to you all... Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Hmmmmmmmm. Haven't posted here in about a Year or Two, all I can say us good luck, I don't wanna rain on your parade. Link to post Share on other sites
PositiveNegative Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 A guy 1981, I just want to say that it is an inspiring story. Being the dumpee, we all need some kind of hope or faith to keep us going until that next day. Stories like yours bring hope. Hell... we only live one life. If the break up was done on fairly good terms who wouldn't take that second chance? Hell my ex even told me in a letter that she HOPES that I don't grow or change in this time because she is scared I won't want her when she had finally found herself. Well, I'm going to grow and I'm going to learn a lot about myself in this time, and if she comes back we both will be wiser about our love. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Hey PositiveNegative, and everyone else! Listen guys, and girls, When we are dumped, it means our ex didn't feel attraction for us anymore, it means we changed, we werent the person they fall in love with, this, although so obvious, is something so overlooked, let me put it like this, either the 2 of you never fit to begin with, or you did, but one of the 2 changed, and if you got dumped, it's most likely the dumpee who changed so much that the ex had to go. Having said that, i can only give you one piece of advice.....LOVE YOURSELF!!!! I mean work on yourself, find out what happened, and GROW! Work on yourself, go to the gym, get a job, fix your worries, deal with your insecurities, and if you got dumped, FORGET YOUR EX and MOVE ON, if it's ment to be, then it will, in a month, a year, 10 years...I can't stress enough how important it is to work on yourself, because the truth is, you are suffering not because you lost your ex, but because when she/he left, you realised you lost YOURSELF! It's hard at the beginning, baby steps, keep the faith and I PROMISE if will get better. As i said, i DID NOT EXPECT her to come back, and I almost didn't want it back, because BEFORE she contacted me, I WAS HAPPY!!!!!!!! When she said she wanted to meet, i was skeptical, to her intentions and to my wants/needs after this period of growth! Again, i was happy BEFORE she came back, this is SOOOO important i tell you! I told myself "ok, i will meet her but i don't know how i will feel", and then when i saw her, i knew she was the one, because of how she was with me, how she made me feel and how she acted towards me, i could see and feel the love, this is something you can't fake if you just MISS someone and you are lonely, because she is a beautiful person who could have had anybody so it's not like she thought it was just easy for her to come to me. Now, 2 weeks after we met, we are so in love, we have been having such deep conversations, that was always a strong part of our relationship! It's really a beautiful thing, and many here have warned me it won't work and all that, but i tell you what we are feeling at the moment CANNOT BE FAKED! I knew why she left me, she wants a family and even though she LOVED me, she didn't feel i was the one in the state i was in only 40 days ago. I knew it, so i didn't fight her, i took a HARD look in the mirror and saw 2 options, stay home, depressed and sad (not attractive to her or even a dog wouldn't want you in that state), or accept what is, and WORK ON MYSELF, i went to a spychiatrist, talked, will start psychotherapy to deal with my issues, basically i'm doing everything to get better, but AGAIN i'm doing it for ME!!!!! I've been out, met more people in the last 40days than i have in the last 3 years! I am radiating so much positive energy that people are feeling it all over, getting smiles from everyone on the streets, just happy i tell you, and no i don't look like Brad Pit, i'm not rich, have no car, but that's not what women or people (the REAL ones) care about, real and happy people want people who are the same as them, positive, confident, happy and not clingy, needy and scared of life! WORK ON YOURSELF, FOR YOURSELF, and you will attract wonders into your lives PLEASE BELIEVE ME I AM A LIVING PROOF OF THIS!!!!!! Love to everyone, message me if you need anything! Link to post Share on other sites
blakjak Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I like this story, HIGH FIVE Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 I like this story, HIGH FIVE Back at ya! Thanks I wish everyone all the very best! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Just thought I'd pop back in here and see what all the fuss is about. Glad to see things have taken a HUGE step forward and your attitude throughout all this has been spot on. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A_Guy_1981 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Just thought I'd pop back in here and see what all the fuss is about. Glad to see things have taken a HUGE step forward and your attitude throughout all this has been spot on. All the best. Thanks for the kind words! I just hope as many people as possible can take something out of this! All the best Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Your story makes me happy and sad. I'm happy you are feeling great and on the path to a better relationship with your ex. I don't at all think 2nd chances are doomed as people can change and realize things they didn't before (it's just odds are in the favor of not fixing those issues). I am sad though because my ex got back with his ex (after 1.5 years) and they are "so in love" in a matter of weeks too so I am curious how things turn out for both:eek:. Even though I'm moving on and working on me, I can't help but wonder how that works out. Either way, I hope we are all able to be positive and attract someone wonderful and deserving into our lives;). Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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