How can a nice guy learn to be a bad boy?

[Elysian Powder]

I love how some guys here talk like guys don't do the same thing - fool around with the hotties or sluttier girls and then marry the good, wife material girl.

 

Guys do that s**t too.

 

Of course they do. Plenty of Alpha males/Bad Boys do that same act. To some of them it turns out fine. For others, life doesn't turn out as good.

 

Granted, I've had the chance of applying the same mating strategy, but I'd end end up cheating/being dumped, which in turn would leave me financially raped.

 

Food on the table or a fuzzy feeling that will cause me way too many problems.

 

[TigerCub]

Of course they do. But I don't, and the sexual practices of men don't bother me as much since I don't date men. I'd love to find a nice girl now, I'm not interested in fooling around with sluts. Perhaps this is my downfall? If I were to just try to fool around for a bit I wouldn't be so upset about women doing the same?

 

I don't get it - do you want to be with a nice girl or do you want to fool around?

[Feelsgoodman]

haha, I already explained all that at length - you can go and read it all

Your explanation is not an explanation at all. It's just an attempt to rationalize your desire to have your cake and eat it too...by using the age old "young and dumb" excuse. I'm sorry, but if you're old enough to vote, you don't qualify as young in my book and certainly don't get a free pass for being dumb.

[TigerCub]

Of course they do. Plenty of Alpha males/Bad Boys do that same act. To some of them it turns out fine. For others, life doesn't turn out as good.

 

Granted, I've had the chance of applying the same mating strategy, but I'd end end up cheating/being dumped, which in turn would leave me financially raped.

 

Food on the table or a fuzzy feeling that will cause me way too many problems.

 

 

oyi...

I consider myself a bit of a relationship cynic, but even I believe that settling down with someone that you're compatible with, where you're both good to each other can have a happy ending - and wont necessarily lead to "financial rape".

[Elysian Powder]

First of all; you gotta know what you're getting into. You should only operate from a mountain of exp. You don't want to risk your heart and your wallet without knowing how to attract women to you and how to maintain that attraction.

[TigerCub]

Your explanation is not an explanation at all. It's just an attempt to rationalize your desire to have your cake and eat it too...by using the age old "young and dumb" excuse. I'm sorry, but if you're old enough to vote, you don't qualify as young in my book and certainly don't get a free pass for being dumb.

 

Well I know that I'm not as immature and naive at 30 than I was at 18. I sure hope that's the same for most people.

 

Most (maybe not you) people mature, grow up and grow wiser from their past experiences. And as that happens we want different things in our life, and the things that used to be oh so fun and thrilling at one point, seem so empty and dumb later on.

 

Again, I've said it over and over again, for me specifically it was about what frame of mind I was in, coupled with inexperience.

 

It could be a totally different thing for you. Maybe you didn't grow up, maybe you still have the same mentality you had as a kid, and still have the same wants and desires - I don't know!

 

Either way - good luck to you

[Feelsgoodman]

Well, it's a mating strategy that has been working out for thousands of years.

Well, if you are talking about a primitive tribal society, maybe. But since the advent of civilization, this sort of behaviour was considered immoral and

downright illegal almost everywhere. Until recent times, adultery was considered a sin and a crime and no man would ever marry a woman who was not a virgin. If a man married a woman and found out she wasn't a virgin, it was grounds for instant annulment. So virginity was not rare at all and was actually the norm until the twentieth century.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't get it - do you want to be with a nice girl or do you want to fool around?

 

I want to be with a nice girl of course. I'm merely speculating that maybe I'm being unrealistic in what I want.

 

Not that I expect you to have the answer here, but recently I've been wondering whether or not I should reject some of the stuff about myself that might be holding me back. i.e. my desire for a relationship and desire to never "hook up" or have a FWB, also my opposition to alcohol. I'd love to be a teetotaler, who only has relationships, but perhaps I should sacrifice those things in the name of the greater good so to speak. In other words, if who I am and what I value don't work, perhaps I should change.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's basically the same story for women. I get a lot further being a little bitchy and aloof than I ever did being sweet and loving.

 

But like you, I feel bad when I'm too bitchy. It doesn't come naturally to me. So I am trying to find just the right amount for myself.

 

What it really comes down to is having your own life and putting your needs first. It seems to be this powerful aphrodisiac for a man when I am not always available when he wants me. When he knows that I have other things going on and don't need him to keep me company or entertain me, suddenly, he cannot wait to see me again and show me a good time.

 

My lover tells me often, "You love to tease me. And I love it, too." One version of teasing is getting close to him, giving him the eyes, but not kissing him or sealing the deal in any way. When I do this, he turns into this stamping, fiery bull ready to charge me. It's pretty hot.

 

Also, in bed, when I am aloof about cuddling him and being sweet on him, he's all over me. The other day, after sex, he actually said, "OK, it's time to cuddle. Don't tell anybody the man said it first." I took my time to accommodate his request, and once it finally happened, he was on me like thermal underwear.

 

Fascinating stuff.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Ruby Slippers

[udolipixie]

Your explanation is not an explanation at all. It's just an attempt to rationalize your desire to have your cake and eat it too...by using the age old "young and dumb" excuse. I'm sorry, but if you're old enough to vote, you don't qualify as young in my book and certainly don't get a free pass for being dumb.

 

That was an explanation.

 

It's not a young & dumb thing but that those girls at the moment wanted fun right now not a relationship or anything serious.

 

Just like there are guyswho just want no strings sex with a lot of girls when young but do look forward to later when ready settling down with a good girl.

 

Seems like men are the ones rationalizing & eating their cake here.

[Elysian Powder]

consider myself a bit of a relationship cynic, but even I believe that settling down with someone that you're compatible with, where you're both good to each other can have a happy ending - and wont necessarily lead to "financial rape".

 

Ya, I believed the same. Until the day I saw a man married for 30 years kicked out of the house he built with his own hands because his wife - a very sweet lady - decided to hand him the divorce papers.

 

She wanted to retire and move to Florida, he had to work a couple more years for full pension.

 

A guy who is 6'4'', broad shoulders, full head of hair, All-American boy, former Marine , great father, the leader of our community.

 

Living in a tiny room while his ex-wife had her boyfriend move into the house this guy built with his own hands.

 

He has 2 kids under the age of 18; two mouths to feed. Two mouths his ex wife does not allow to see.

 

Must be awesome to work an entire life just to end up homeless, fatherless, and knowing that a lowlife is banging the woman for whom I was the perfect husband.

 

I know that similar scenarios happen to women, yes.

[TigerCub]

I want to be with a nice girl of course. I'm merely speculating that maybe I'm being unrealistic in what I want.

 

Not that I expect you to have the answer here, but recently I've been wondering whether or not I should reject some of the stuff about myself that might be holding me back. i.e. my desire for a relationship and desire to never "hook up" or have a FWB, also my opposition to alcohol. I'd love to be a teetotaler, who only has relationships, but perhaps I should sacrifice those things in the name of the greater good so to speak. In other words, if who I am and what I value don't work, perhaps I should change.

 

I see what you're saying.

Here's what I think.

 

If you pretend to be something you're not - it will come off as fake.

 

I said in another post that depending on my frame of mind and what I knew I can offer, I attracted people that would fall into that frame of mind and would want the same things. Are you not attracting any nice girls at all, or are you just not attracted to the girls that you are attracting?

 

It seems to me like you're over thinking it. You're willing to try anything to get the girls, but its just that mentality (of being uncertain) that is probably being projected. I could be totally wrong, I just get the feeling like you're unsure of what role to play.

[TigerCub]

consider myself a bit of a relationship cynic, but even I believe that settling down with someone that you're compatible with, where you're both good to each other can have a happy ending - and wont necessarily lead to "financial rape".

 

Ya, I believed the same. Until the day I saw a man married for 30 years kicked out of the house he built with his own hands because his wife - a very sweet lady - decided to hand him the divorce papers.

 

She wanted to retire and move to Florida, he had to work a couple more years for full pension.

 

A guy who is 6'4'', broad shoulders, full head of hair, All-American boy, former Marine , great father, the leader of our community.

 

Living in a tiny room while his ex-wife had her boyfriend move into the house this guy built with his own hands.

 

He has 2 kids under the age of 18; two mouths to feed. Two mouths his ex wife does not allow to see.

 

Must be awesome to work an entire life just to end up homeless, fatherless, and knowing that a lowlife is banging the woman for whom I was the perfect husband.

I know that similar scenarios happen to women, yes.

haha, way to point that out before I could .

 

I get it, I really do, **** happens and life isn't fair, but does that really mean completely giving up because you see some bad examples (that I'm sure can't possibly represent everyone)

 

Also, you don't know what went on in their home, maybe this fantastic guy would beat and rape his wife - you weren't around all the time were you?

 

I'm just saying that we never really know what goes on between 2 people and yes sometimes life is unfair and people hurt each other, but what's life without trying to find a connection with someone?

 

There are a lot of risks and I am quite cynical at times, but I still feel that maybe it worth a try - I've had a broken heart before, and I'm still here

[Feelsgoodman]

Well I know that I'm not as immature and naive at 30 than I was at 18.

Yeah, and at 60, I'm sure you'd be even less immature and naive. So what? 18 is the age of majority in most countries. And there's a good reason for that. By that age, your mind has already matured sufficiently for you to be considered an adult. That's why an 18 year old criminal is tried and punished as an adult, not as a kid. I'd like to see how far your "young and dumb" excuse would get you in court if you did something really dumb and hurt another person (i.e. drinking and driving).

 

My point is that women choose to be "young and dumb" in their 20s. It's a conscious choice rooted in the belief that they can get away with it...and has nothing to do with being "naive".

[TigerCub]

yeah, and at 60, i'm sure you'd be even less immature and naive. So what? 18 is the age of majority in most countries. And there's a good reason for that. By that age, your mind has already matured sufficiently for you to be considered an adult. That's why an 18 year old criminal is tried and punished as an adult, not as a kid. I'd like to see how far your "young and dumb" excuse would get you in court if you did something really dumb and hurt another person (i.e. Drinking and driving).

 

My point is that women choose to be "young and dumb" in their 20s. It's a conscious choice rooted in the belief that they can get away with it...and has nothing to do with being "naive".

 

ok

..........

[Feelsgoodman]

It's basically the same story for women. I get a lot further being a little bitchy and aloof than I ever did being sweet and loving.

 

But like you, I feel bad when I'm too bitchy. It doesn't come naturally to me. So I am trying to find just the right amount for myself.

 

What it really comes down to is having your own life and putting your needs first. It seems to be this powerful aphrodisiac for a man when I am not always available when he wants me. When he knows that I have other things going on and don't need him to keep me company or entertain me, suddenly, he cannot wait to see me again and show me a good time.

 

My lover tells me often, "You love to tease me. And I love it, too." One version of teasing is getting close to him, giving him the eyes, but not kissing him or sealing the deal in any way. When I do this, he turns into this stamping, fiery bull ready to charge me. It's pretty hot.

 

Also, in bed, when I am aloof about cuddling him and being sweet on him, he's all over me. The other day, after sex, he actually said, "OK, it's time to cuddle. Don't tell anybody the man said it first." I took my time to accommodate his request, and once it finally happened, he was on me like thermal underwear.

 

Fascinating stuff.

Interesting. I personally would be extremely turned off by that kind of behaviour.

[fortyninethousand322]

Are you not attracting any nice girls at all, or are you just not attracted to the girls that you are attracting?

 

It seems to me like you're over thinking it. You're willing to try anything to get the girls, but its just that mentality (of being uncertain) that is probably being projected. I could be totally wrong, I just get the feeling like you're unsure of what role to play.

 

As far as I'm aware I'm attracting absolutely no one; nice or not nice. The only women I interact with right now are the ones on my co-ed basketball team. Only one is single (and she's cute) but she pretty much has nothing in common with me (thus I'm not really interested) and she really doesn't seem interested in me either. So that's where that whole things stands.

 

As for the bolded: yes, to a reasonable degree. I'm probably not going to go out and buy a Harley and wear a leather jacket solely to attract women or do anything similar. But, as I look around at my life I really don't see too much more that I can improve (except financially as I'm only just starting out in my professional life) in a way that would attract women. So what I'm saying is that maybe if I relaxed some of my personality (or suppressed it) perhaps maybe then opportunities would come up.

 

I feel bad for hijacking this thread. Perhaps I should start my own...

[Elysian Powder]

Well, if you are talking about a primitive tribal society, maybe. But since the advent of civilization, this sort of behaviour was considered immoral and

downright illegal almost everywhere. Until recent times, adultery was considered a sin and a crime and no man would ever marry a woman who was not a virgin. If a man married a woman and found out she wasn't a virgin, it was grounds for instant annulment. So virginity was not rare at all and was actually the norm until the twentieth century.

 

It is quite immoral. Unfortunately all that matters to evolution is transporting those ''desirable traits'' into the next generation. Casanova was considered to be disgusting, a freak of nature , deemed so by society at large.

 

He still went on to sleep with more than 100 females. Many of them religious freaks.

 

He probably has an innumerable amount of descendants despite of how much of a douche bag he was. Women - all sorts of high quality women - rewarded his nature with pleasure and biological immortality.

 

I would love to be a decent guy but our biology does not allow it. I don't want to be a provider. That's my father. Not me.

 

Women have always given it all up to the cads. During the Medieval age, strong, very much Alpha males, would lock their wives and daughters genitals with a chastity belt before going to war.

 

They knew what they were going to do during their free time - And they also knew what what was going to happen during their absence.

 

Marriage was created by two groups; the omega males, looking for a source of steady sex and for the continuation of their bloodline ; and it was thought off by Alpha women wanting to keep the Alpha males for themselves.

 

Centuries later, the poets created the word 'love' to boost their sales and have more women sleep with them.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Elysian Powder

[EnigmaticClarity]

I'm probably not going to go out and buy a Harley and wear a leather jacket solely to attract women or do anything similar. But, as I look around at my life I really don't see too much more that I can improve (except financially as I'm only just starting out in my professional life) in a way that would attract women.

 

Are you fit? Good dresser wearing clothes that show off your physique? Great grooming (hair, scent, ears, etc)? Do you carry yourself with confidence? Good conversational wit?

 

All of those things can be worked on anywhere, anytime, with anyone, and none require you to transform yourself into a "bad boy"--just into someone that women will find more attractive.

[betterdeal]

Stop worrying about what works and what she looks like. Go out, meet some women and talk to them. Do what you're good at. If that's telling jokes, tell jokes. If it's singing, sing. If it's touching your nose with your tongue, touch your nose with your tongue. Do the monkey dance. Be happy to be alive. Laugh at yourself. Listen.

 

When you meet someone you get butterflies in your tummy with, chances are she's getting them too. So then make a pass at her when you feel like it, be that try for a kiss or tell her you fancy her or whatever you feel like doing at the moment. And if she isn't interested, you'll find out. You apologise, take a deep breath, and accept it. Or you say "well, when you are, gimme a tinkle" and give a wink and a smile. Just make it up as you go along.

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

The end.

[fortyninethousand322]

Are you fit? Good dresser wearing clothes that show off your physique? Great grooming (hair, scent, ears, etc)? Do you carry yourself with confidence? Good conversational wit?

 

All of those things can be worked on anywhere, anytime, with anyone, and none require you to transform yourself into a "bad boy"--just into someone that women will find more attractive.

 

I am. I do. I wear cologne, my hair is fine, and I have a trimmed goatee. Carrying myself with confidence and my wit comes and goes. Essentially I don't interact with women at all, because I assume women aren't interested, because whenever I do talk to them they seem to get more annoyed than enthused that I'm talking to them.

[betterdeal]

I am. I do. I wear cologne, my hair is fine, and I have a trimmed goatee. Carrying myself with confidence and my wit comes and goes. Essentially I don't interact with women at all, because I assume women aren't interested, because whenever I do talk to them they seem to get more annoyed than enthused that I'm talking to them.

 

Of course they're interested - they have eyes, right? The real question is, are you?

[Elysian Powder]

''So is a guy who has years of fun with girls he finds attractive with no committment then expects to marry a good girl also not deserve such a woman in his life?''

 

 

Yes. If a man has spent his life doing la vida loca with various women, why should he get a woman with no ''mileage''/stds/emotional baggage and so on?

 

I made some mistakes in my youth. I'm still paying for them. I fully believe that I must suffer for my mistakes. From the payment I'm making I have learned to not make mistakes, never again.

 

What blows my mind is how I know a guy in his 60's(was my litte league coach) who spent his life since the age of 14 doing the cad lifestyle, fulfilled his biological cravings by having many kids from many different women - without paying for it - and spent so much of his life in a pool of pleasure. His kids were raised by the men his lovers married. Amazing.

 

''Love the town bike reference...you do realize with all that poon you get that any girl that may be your gf will be ruding the town bike?''

 

I know that I'm a whore. Women don't mind that, though. Women just looking to have fun have a taste for that; they know I won't emotionally bond with them and complicate it all.

 

Notoriously to b''So is a guy who has years of fun with girls he finds attractive with no committment then expects to marry a good girl also not deserve such a woman in his life?''

 

 

Yes. If a man has spent his life doing la vida loca with various women, why should he get a woman with no ''mileage''/stds/emotionalbaggage and so on?

 

I made some mistakes in my youth. I'm still paying for them. I fully believe that I must suffer for my mistakes. From the payment I'm making I have learned to not make mistakes, never again.

 

What blows my mind is how I know a guy in his 60's(was my litte league coach) who spent his life since the age of 14 doing the cad lifestyle, fullfilled his biological cravings by having many kids from many different women - without paying for it - and spent so much of his life in a pool of pleasure. His kids were raised by the men his lovers married. Amazing.

 

''Love the town bike reference...you do realize with all that poon you get that any girl that may be your gf will be ruding the town bike?''

 

I know that I'm a whore. Women don't mind that, though. Women just looking to have fun have a taste for that; they know I won't emotionally bond with them and complicate it all.

 

''Love porn too any time a guy complains about not having a girl my advice 'You're a guy you have nothing to whine about get a porno'''

 

 

True enough. Many men are only sexually frustrated because they want to be. Porn provides immense variety, keeps, the not-so-good-looking men from bothering women, and saves many men from paying child-support and alimony.

 

''love that youth angle because any time a guy complains about his youth of not getting any girls or rejection I just think 'You're a guy you have nothing to whine about when you're old you'll get young hotties'.''

 

 

Most 18 years old aren't fit enough to join the army. Let a guy spend his 20's without female attention, have him study hard/work out hard, spend his money wisely, grow buffed, have him take care of his overall looks and health, and he'll be golden.

 

Of course the guy can use a shortcut by making a lot of money, but molding oneself into a highly desirable man is far more satisfying. A change of power. The sexual power women in their teens and 20's had, now assimilated by the man who was invisible 10, to 20 years ago.

 

Add money, a sweet ride, and lots and lots of worldly exp.

 

'' why, hello there, handsome,'' said the 20 year old hottie.

 

ever seen the Captain America movie?

[EnigmaticClarity]

I am. I do. I wear cologne, my hair is fine, and I have a trimmed goatee. Carrying myself with confidence and my wit comes and goes. Essentially I don't interact with women at all, because I assume women aren't interested, because whenever I do talk to them they seem to get more annoyed than enthused that I'm talking to them.

 

Sounds like you're a lot of the way there then if you've got confidence in your look--I'd focus on wit and conversational confidence. You can work on that anywhere, with anyone. Your friends, family, strangers, co-workers--anywhere, anytime. Don't stop until you can keep any conversation going with anyone and make anyone feel compelled or amused to listen to what you have to say.

 

I got in the habit of using omegle.com and chatroulette.com a few years ago just as a way to warmup my conversational sharpness before dates. It's all random chat, so you'll never talk to them again--GREAT way to hone your wit. You can do it with random people at bars or the mall too if doing it online seems too pussified.

[Elysian Powder]

lol double post in one entry. My bad