You don't know what you have until it's gone?

[LoveSickGuy911]

I'm 28 years old, have dated a few girls, have had a few serious LTRs, and I have not known the meaning of this statement until now.

 

If you're curious about my story, you can see it in the dating forum.

 

Right now, I feel like the dumbest guy in the world. I let me inexperience and immaturity blind me to my soul mate until it was too late. I honestly feel like I have lost a lifetime opportunity of happiness with the perfect mate. I have broken up with long term (years) girlfriends before, but NEVER have I felt like this, ever. Not for any girl.

 

It's really sad, because this is spilling on to pretty much all other aspects of my life, work, friends, family, hobbies, etc. I'm just not motivated to do anything. I also can't sleep at night.

[Nohbody]

It sounds like you are grieving for the loss of a future you might have had. This is just one possibility, though. People throw around words like 'soul mate' quite a bit... but if there were one person for every other person, your chances of finding that one person would negligible - there are 7 billion people on earth.

 

I hope you feel better. Give yourself some time, and let your emotions do their crazy dance. You will feel better eventually, and I hope it's soon.

 

 

Good luck.

[Zaphod B]

Yep, definitely been where you are and still lament about it from time to time. I was married for 11 years, broke up. Was in another LTR for 5 years, broke up. This third woman I was with only briefly, but it hurt ten times more than any of the first two. In fact it screwed me up for a year and I lamented over her EVERY SINGLE day for a whole year. It was the worst year of my life. And I dwelt on what I'd lost and what I'm sure I could have had if I'd just been a little more aware of the problem.

 

Coming here though, I learnt that I was guilty of putting her up on a pedistal that she didn't deserve to be up on, because when I thought about it really hard she wasn't as perfect as I'd thought. And I doubt yours is either, otherwise you'd still be together.

 

It's a toughie. I'll have to read your story.

 

I will say one last thing on this thread though. I had an amazing thing with my wife. When we first got together, it was magical. There was a huge buzz and it was so exciting. When we broke up I thought I'd never find that again. I believed what people said... that there is no love like your first love. Because I believed that, I settled for a second relationship that didn't have that same buzz. I wasted 5 years in an unhealthy relationship. When we broke up I still believed I'd never find that special buzz. Until I met lady number 3. The magic, the buzz was there BIG TIME. Which is why it was so freaking difficult to get over her when we split after only a short time together. But it taught me something very important. I found that buzz a second time. Therefore I can find it a third time. And I will keep on searching until I find it.

[monkeyshaman]

I know what you mean. It helps when I listen to a lot of spiritual teachings about staying in the moment and not being attached to the futures we played out in our head. It just makes it that much harder to live life for all the great things we do have. I heard a old zen saying about a man who was going to be killed for theft in a small village. But some monks convinced the towns people to simple cut off one of his hands. While it sucks to have your hand cut off the man was happy that he got to go on living and experiencing everything else.

 

I'm 29 and just got dumped a week ago from a girl I wanted to marry since I was 21. It took 5 years of self development (I had my own issues to sort out) before we got together and managed to be with her for almost 4 years until this happened so I know what its like to actually have the person you always wanted and then to have them be taken away for whatever reason. I wish for you the same growth and prosperity that I want for myself.