My husband has left to "Soul Search"

[Shush]

Hello. I am new to this site. I am desperately seeking some advice. I have been married for 5 years and together with DH for 10. We always had a loving relationship (i.e. backrubs, hand-holding, "I love you's", etc...), but we have also always been somewhat complex in that we used to argue a lot. We stopped arguing about a year or so ago. We have been trying to have a baby for about a year as well (without success).

 

Somewhere along the line, we must have stopped communicating. We also stopped being passionate (baby-making sort of became a lot like work). My husband has been very stressed with work and home renovations (I am kind of a stickler for getting things done around the house... all be it... a nag!). On Saturday, he came to me and said that he has been unhappy for a long time in his life (as well as in our relationship). He said that he needs to take some space to "Soul Search" and decide if being in this marriage is what he really wants in his life.

 

We talked about a lot of the issues in our marriage (which we had never really approached). He left on Saturday to stay with his mother. We have talked a few times since, but the conversations have been brief and not very emotional (at least on his end). He agreed to see a counselor with me. When I asked if we were going to see other people during this separation, he reported that he wants to give us "a fair shot" before doing such a thing. However, he says that he is not sure that he is still in love with me. I am absolutely devastated! We are going to the counselor tomorrow night. I miss him so much that I am going out of my mind! Does anyone have any advice?

[deesgirl]

I'm so sorry for your pain:( ((((HUGS))))

 

I would say back off and give him a chance to miss you. If he gets all the comforts of you telling him how much you love him, he might not realise what he's going to be losing out on. That doesn't mean you should be cold or unloving. Just back off on expressing how much you love, miss, need, etc.

 

Don't put your life on hold either. If you feel like getting out of the house, go.

 

You said you know you have some faults (nagging). You do need to express that you are willing to be more easy going, if you mean it. Tell him what you are willing to change, then let him think it through.

[Miakal]

Was there a full moon that I missed?

 

Sorry for the sarcasm but my husband left on Saturday too....to go stay with his Mommy. At least your husband had the b*lls to let you know of his plans and of his feelings. Let's give him that much.

 

My husband left Saturday a.m. and I still haven't heard a word.

 

I don't know if I have any words of wisdom for you as that is what I am here seeking as well. Just know that you are not alone. It's okay to feel hurt but don't let it devour you. Keep your head up and try to keep smiling.

 

 

 

[Shush]

Thank you for the words of concern. I am so sorry that your husband took off the way that he did. I can't even imagine your sorrow right now. Thank you for the advice as well. I suspected that the best thing to do was to give him some space. I am so afraid, however, that he will like how it feels to be away from me. It is so strange to be in this house without him. Our whole lives were here and I am very lonely. My husband actually said that he needs the space to "soul search" and to see if he misses me and if there is still enough to "us" to work towards saving. I guess I should allow him to miss me, but it really is so hard! To me, the only thing that makes sense to do is to stay together and work toward mending the relationship. Space, to me, just drives more of a wedge (obviously he doesn't agree). Maybe it is the mars and venus thing. Anyway, we have our first counseling session tomorrow night (we are meeting there... which in and of itself seems strange to me). Wish me luck, I am so scared.

[Rightlymia]

good luck with both of you and let us know how the counseling is going.