Breakup Sex!

[bentnotbroken]

That's not very nice. Haven't you ever had one last goodbye **** with a BF? Do you get BFs with that attitude?

 

 

Yeah if you are 17.

[TurningTables]

Hi. Are you for real Daisy? If you are, this is the saddest post Ive seen on LS in a long time. What a shame if you are really wasting your time and love on someone who would do such a thing to you. Its all the more heartbreaking to know you are on here spilling it and then defending him.

 

I hope this isnt real.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

What exactly? Believe in a man and accept that he is sleeping with his wife? This is a "tale as old as time". It's repeated here ad nauseum.

 

Hi. Are you for real Daisy? If you are, this is the saddest post Ive seen on LS in a long time. What a shame if you are really wasting your time and love on someone who would do such a thing to you. Its all the more heartbreaking to know you are on here spilling it and then defending him.

 

I hope this isnt real.

[Circular]

I have to agree this is abnormal and I don't buy it either. Men don't have 'sympathy sex' or break-up sex or whatever you want to call it. And, if we did it would because we WANTED to have it, you'd have to be a man to truly understand how it all works But then again there is always the blue pill.

 

I mean, it's great that he told you, he obviously has guilt over it and feels he needs to come at least partially clean but I don't buy the WHY he had it. It just doesn't work that way. And if it was induced from drinking then it would still be the same scenario, he'd WANT to have sex.

[MissBee]

You guys know that my lover has been having trouble with wife over the settlement. My lover went to LA to try to smooth things over with the wife. He came home to me. I ran into his arms, and we made passionate love like we always do. I didn't want to pry about how things went, cuz you guys told me to back off. The curiosity got me, so wwhen we were in the kitchen making a post lovemaking snack, I made a joke about how much he must have missed me. Because the sex was soooo great! He told me that at first, she was aloof whatever that means. Then guess what?

 

He went to her place that was their place before. They drank some wine and talked about old times. I was totally down wit that, but then..........

he said they had BREAKUP SEX!!!!

He said he only did it because she wanted it and he thought she'd be more cooperative about stuff if he did her. He said he didn't enjoy it, it was like shagging a cold fish. He reassured me that everything is ok. He still loves me and wants to be with me forever.

 

I am sad, but I am trying real hard not to let it show.

 

If you guys are gonna tell me to just tell my lover to beat it, forget about it!

I want to know how to let this go and if I should worry. I told him I wanted to go to LA with him next time because I don't want him near her anymore!

 

OWs out there! Pls help me! Is this a normal part of the divorce process?

 

I don't think that is a normal part of any relationship to be honest...for your partner to do something you disapprove of and that hurts you but then make some excuse about why they had to do it and expect you to be alright with it. Had the shoe been on the other foot, would he have been A-OK with you doing that? The fact that he seems so flippant about it is what is odd....but then again I don't get the impression that he is scared to lose you, as from what you've said, pretty much NOTHING will cause you to leave him or look at him critically (even this bizarre scenario), so your lover man can be as bad as he wants as what is the risk? Nothing. *shrug* Wife or no wife, divorce or no divorce, sex with wife or no sex, telling you to butt out of his business or not...absolutely nothing seems to move you to any action against him so I guess it makes sense he would not feel a need to hide such matters and even be flippant as forgiveness and understanding on your part is expected.

 

Anyway daisy, truth be told, you, your lover and his wife have your work cut out for you all and no one on LS can do anything about that.

 

You have decided you are not leaving your lover, and seem to pretty much agree to whatever shenanigans he is up to, may it be sleeping with a dead fish to appease her or what have you. He has told you to mind your own business, he has chosen time and again to speak to his wife versus let the lawyers mediate, even when you try to be sweet to him and ask him not to and now, after all that drama he has told you that he had break up sex with his wife as some chore.....if none of that raises alarm bells to you, if none of that crosses your boundaries, if none of that makes you feel like this person is playing you, has little respect for you and is an overall mess....then what is there to say? If someone says no this is not normal, then what? If someone says it is normal, then what? Are you planning to do something differently if this is not normal? If not....then it doesn't matter much if it is normal or not.

 

It's up to you dear. You can either be honest and say you feel bad and something doesn't make sense in this situation and do something about it OR you can turn a blind eye and let him do whatever with the hope that in the end it will be worth it....

Edited August 31, 2011 by MissBee

[dreamingoftigers]

Scratch an itch with an ex then?

 

Shouldn't be s problem now, right?

 

Btw, I have had "one last ****" a few times. They were in the earlier part of my marriage when my husband would say he was leaving. I say "one last time" we do it and he didn't want to go anywhere out of that bed after.

 

Sex to make her more co-operative is a total lie. It would only risk things being 10x more complicated.

[NoIDidn't]

So what if this "one last time" got her pregnant? What if she gave him an STD?

 

Would it still be worth fooling yourself into thinking it was okay then?

 

I don't think this guy is divorcing at all. I think he knows he's with someone naive.

[TurningTables]

What exactly? Believe in a man and accept that he is sleeping with his wife? This is a "tale as old as time". It's repeated here ad nauseum.

 

 

Hiya Wishes. I think you misunderstood me. Reading back through Daisy's posts, its seems like we are dealing with a young young girl or someone who is just making this stuff up. What I meant by her defending him and being sad if it was real, was her comments saying "He was taking one for the team" etc.

[whichwayisup]

So what if this "one last time" got her pregnant? What if she gave him an STD?

 

Would it still be worth fooling yourself into thinking it was okay then?

 

I don't think this guy is divorcing at all. I think he knows he's with someone naive.

 

Anything is possible.

 

I do agree with you. As much as Daisy claims to have faith and trust in her MM, and probably deep down inside she *knows* what's what but she'll never admit it on here to anybody. If anything, when this all blows up, we'll never see her again on LS.

[Owl]

I've got to agree with what someone else posted.

 

Daisy...prove us wrong.

 

Call her, and compare what she states that she's been told to what you've been told.

 

Given your complete faith in MM...there should be absolutely no negative impacts to doing this, right?

 

In fact...all it COULD do (if everything that he's stated is true) is to draw the two of you closer by providing you with even further evidence of his love for you...and shut up all of us naysayers here on LS.

 

Win/win.

 

Do it. Today. Call her. Tell her who you are, what's been going on...and verify all that he's told her. Then come back here and let us know how wrong we've all been.

[xxoo]

His actions hurt you, he rationalizes, and you hide your pain. Is this how you generally handle conflict with him?

 

What makes this guy so great that you would accept his excuses for sleeping with another woman?

 

Is there any line he could cross that would make you change your mind about him? Most women would consider sleeping with another woman a clear dealbreaker in a boyfriend!

[Alpha Q]

Men don't have 'sympathy sex' or break-up sex or whatever you want to call it. And, if we did it would because we WANTED to have it, you'd have to be a man to truly understand how it all works.

 

Be grateful you've never felt compelled to have pity sex. It's not a pretty sight. Most guys who've been married for a long time have. It's a lot easier to grit your teeth and bear it than to put up with the inquisition you'll face if beg off because you "have a headache".

[bentnotbroken]

Be grateful you've never felt compelled to have pity sex. It's not a pretty sight. Most guys who've been married for a long time have. It's a lot easier to grit your teeth and bear it than to put up with the inquisition you'll face if beg off because you "have a headache".

 

 

It isn't just a male thing. Women have pity sex too. But this so called man is supposed to be in a "exclusive" relationship with the OP. He can't have sex, pity or otherwise with someone he isn't in love with according to some of the things OP has posted previously.

[woinlove]

Be grateful you've never felt compelled to have pity sex. It's not a pretty sight. Most guys who've been married for a long time have. It's a lot easier to grit your teeth and bear it than to put up with the inquisition you'll face if beg off because you "have a headache".

 

Most guys who've been married for a long time? What do you base that statement on?

 

I recall reading a study of 70 year olds in Sweden where more than half of men said they were "very happy" in their marriages and about a quarter said they had sex at least once a week.

 

Sex can be really great in long marriages, but I think it relies on respect, communication, intimacy,... We don't see much of these traits in descriptions here of how MM/MW are within their Ms, but that doesn't mean they don't exist in many long-lasting marriages.

[Spark1111]

Daisy doesn't want to know the truth. It's so sad really.

 

If you're listening at all Daisy, this is great advice. Call the wife. You'll certainly get your truth. I don't buy for a second that he did this to speed anything along. He did it (more than likely) because he could, wanted it, wanted her and knew he could come back to you and tell you anything and you'd believe him. (Adding in the "she's gained weight, and her "house was a mess", was probably done for your benefit to lessen the sting of his actions). My gut tells me that he's not divorcing at all. He's placating. He's doing just enough (for both of you) to keep you interested and engaged.

 

When my XH and I were divorcing, having sex with him (or the thought of it) never crossed my mind and frankly would have repulsed me. Granted, to others it may seem natural, but I certainly never had a passing thought of having "exit sex" with him. I had other thoughts of him, that included a swift death, but certainly not one last, hoorah in the bed. Of course, that's just me, my experience, so don't claim to be the exit sex expert.

 

Anyway, I truly wish you well, but feel you are setting yourself up for a huge disappointment and heartbreak.

 

Good luck..

 

At DDay, my fWS kept trying to find reasons to come home and pick up items when I was around.

 

He was living with her at the time (I had no idea.) I had thrown him out to be with his soulmate for life, but he had me convinced he was living in an hotel.

 

Well, one thing led to another one afternoon and I thought, "the hell with it! He is still my husband.... why not?"

 

Was that break up sex? Make up sex? I think it was, "Jeez....I am really confused and maybe I still love Spark" sex.

 

He showered before he left, which I found odd. Did he just cheat on his OW?

 

Yeah, maybe he did. Never thought of it that way before.

 

I think the men are giving great advice here Daisy. I think a man does not have sex with a woman he no longer cares for or is attracted to or is serious about divorcing.

 

Be careful here.

[jsb58]

Aw, too bad California is a no fault state. Telling her coulda really moved things along if it was.

[serial muse]

I think it's normal behavior for someone who's still on the fence, hasn't made up his mind. Not for someone with one foot out the door. That's just reality, OP.

 

My experience as a former BS: I didn't know about the OW for a while, but I knew my now ex-H seemed distant and was "pulling away." I was deeply confused and sad, but I didn't know what was wrong. We ended up having a LOT of sex during those confusing weeks. I suppose it was in a hysterical bonding kind of way.

 

Then I found out about the OW. She was, it turns out, very worried that he would stay with me so she wanted signs that he was done. He told her a bunch of lies, particularly that we weren't sleeping together or even in the same bed.

 

After D-Day, when I was trying to figure out what to do or feel, I asked him if he would give her up. He said he didn't want to. I absorbed this, thinking that that meant the end for me.

 

AND THEN...he actually said "what do you want me to do, have a relationship with BOTH of you?"

 

So, in my opinion, the guy having sex with both the BS and the OW...simply doesn't want to have to decide. He's hoping someone else will do it for him.

 

(Which I did.)

[Mimolicious]

haven't you guys ever heard of beer goggles?

 

Why is it so hard to believe that he did it so we can be together faster?

 

 

Nah, I rather drink my beer with Gucci's on, not Goggles...

 

Hone, what makes you think that after he shacked her it's going to make her divorce faster. For all you know this situation just took 50 steps backwards. It could be that now he has given her hope that things may not be as dead as they seem.

[herenow]

Daisy, what would you tell a BS who says that (on d-day) her H told her he only had sex with the OW because he felt sorry for her?

[daisy love]

Daisy, what would you tell a BS who says that (on d-day) her H told her he only had sex with the OW because he felt sorry for her?

What are you talking about? I said he ****ed her so she would cooperate! I didn't say he ****ed her out of pity. Why do you guys always read what you want in my posts and you always read it good for you bad for me.

 

I typed out a big response to everything, but poof! It's gone and now I got to start over!

 

To whoever said stuff about her getting preggers, can't happen. When she started talkin about wantin kids he went out and got snipped. He says the fastest way to ruin a marriage is to have kids.

 

Owl, please tell me why I should confront her now that she's being cooperative. Causing a stink now would set us back to square one.

 

You guys must think that I think he doesn't have feelings for her. I'd be stupid to think that. They were married weren't they? I can accept that they started talking about decided to have one last go for old times sake. He's promised that it won't happen again and I believe him. They have said their goodbyes and so getting over it all should be easier for him. People get closure in different ways so if he had to **** her for her to get over it and sign the papers already then I get him quicker. He has a history with her but his bond is to me:love: and reading all your posts about how he's not going to leave made me realize just how much love we share in spite of the hardship.

[MissBee]

What are you talking about? I said he ****ed her so she would cooperate! I didn't say he ****ed her out of pity. Why do you guys always read what you want in my posts and you always read it good for you bad for me.

 

I typed out a big response to everything, but poof! It's gone and now I got to start over!

 

To whoever said stuff about her getting preggers, can't happen. When she started talkin about wantin kids he went out and got snipped. He says the fastest way to ruin a marriage is to have kids.

 

Owl, please tell me why I should confront her now that she's being cooperative. Causing a stink now would set us back to square one.

 

You guys must think that I think he doesn't have feelings for her. I'd be stupid to think that. They were married weren't they? I can accept that they started talking about decided to have one last go for old times sake. He's promised that it won't happen again and I believe him. They have said their goodbyes and so getting over it all should be easier for him. People get closure in different ways so if he had to **** her for her to get over it and sign the papers already then I get him quicker. He has a history with her but his bond is to me:love: and reading all your posts about how he's not going to leave made me realize just how much love we share in spite of the hardship.

 

If you had it all figured out, why did you bother making a thread about it?

 

Anyway daisy dear, you all have fun!

[Owl]

Owl, please tell me why I should confront her now that she's being cooperative. Causing a stink now would set us back to square one.

 

 

Well, I said contact, not confront. And, it depends on what you want out of all of this.

 

Does it matter to you whether or not he's told you the truth, or told her the truth?

 

Or do you simply want her cooperation...regardless of whether or not MM is being honest to either of you?

 

If he's being honest...then contacting her and verifying what's been said/done shouldn't create any hardship or end the cooperation, right?

[whichwayisup]

They have said their goodbyes and so getting over it all should be easier for him.

 

Really? Guess time will tell won't it..

 

People get closure in different ways so if he had to **** her for her to get over it and sign the papers already then I get him quicker. He has a history with her but his bond is to me and reading all your posts about how he's not going to leave made me realize just how much love we share in spite of the hardship

 

For your sake, let's hope that he doesn't f,cuk her again so she can get over it.

 

Oh and I don't believe for one second that he went to get snipped because she wanted kids...I'm doubting that one. Are you implying that he went ahead without discussing it with her and got that done behind her back because she started talking about children?

[East7]

What are you talking about? I said he ****ed her so she would cooperate!

 

So kind of sex torture for prisoners :lmao:

 

 

But seriously I think when MMen have sex with both, it is a territorial marking to let the options opened. Fence sitting.

 

On the other hand, BWives use it as a competition act to "win" their man back "That b1tch won't have my man:laugh: ". It is impressing how women will give sex in moment of insecurity, possessiveness and/or when another woman is sneaking around.

 

Not all BW do it though. It depends which are the dominating feelings : anger or insecurity.

 

At the end, break-up sex shows that both partners aren't totally over each-other.

[phillyfan]

Girl here is a dudes view. U r his girl, u aint seen him 4 a little while. U r meant 2 get a nice dinner n a movie, romantic n all that cos u r his girl.

 

But wat do u get? He has sex wit u, then tells u about the otha girl he fuc*ed a few hours b4.He then trashes the girl after fuc*in her, n expects u 2 b cool wit this. Who cares if hes married not married divorced or wateva. U r his girl n he just fuc*ed sum otha girl. That shud be a dealbreaker rite there. U r brainwashed or sometthin, u didnt even break his balls.

Edited August 31, 2011 by phillyfan