I think its over for good this time!

[half_ofa_heart]

By George, I think I’ve done it! I think its over for good this time!

 

As many of you know, I’ve been struggling with ending this A almost since it began (2 years ago). Every ounce of my being knew it wasn’t right and didn’t feel right. I’ve tried hard core NC, soft core NC, LC and whatever other acronym there is for contact. Nothing ever worked. So what makes this time - this day different???? Not sure, let me explain the chain of events and you kind folks tell me:

 

My MM turns 50 in a few weeks; this event also coincides with their 20 year anniversary. I’ve been hearing rumbling for a couple of months about the possibility of a romantic getaway for two but I have been told that he can’t stand to be around her and she around him so he doubts the trip will ever be booked. Well… the trip got booked about a week and a half ago. I flipped out and told him I was done! Told him that I’ve had enough and I’m not sticking around to find out how it went. Now, everytime I see his face, his name, or even think of him, I’m picturing them alone together on a tropical beach somewhere and I feel like I’m gonna puke!

 

Prior to the “booking” of this trip… I spent months being his therapist; counseling him on the MANY arguments they have been having - It was endless!!! Him complaining about her constant nagging and bitching about how worthless and unreliable he was/is, how she was tired of being the only one who cared about anything in their house, how she is envious of all her friends who get to go away on vacation and all she does is work like a dog all day and come home and work some more. (This is what he was telling me.)

 

He has tried to woo me back in these last week and half but I have ignored him. I finally got mad as hell at him and told him I respect his decision to stay married but he needs to respect my decision to move on. Something tells me he heard me this time!!!

 

I am fine with my decision to end this as I have known for quite some time that it wasn’t right. But I do miss him. I miss our daily conversations and I’m afraid that will deter me from my momentum. So here is my question to you… Do you think it will help or hurt my goal in getting over him if I start journaling as if I’m talking to him??? Part of me thinks it will just keep him in my thoughts and if he were to get a hold of me – it would set me back. What do you think??? I’m desperate to find SOMETHING that will ease the pain of his absence.

[Silly_Girl]

Write to him (in a journal) then write back AS him. No kidding. huge perspective comes from that. Sounds crazy; it's very effective. What possible answers can he have??! Try it

 

I really hope you feel much better very soon.

[TurboGirl]

You miss conversing with a two timing liar? Keep thinking about that... and you won't miss talking with him.

 

You were playing therapist... you miss being in that stupid drama, hearing all that blather... most of which I suspect was not true to begin with.

 

Please don't contact him again. Stay strong. Focus on your anger, focus on what a louse this guy is. Talk with a friend.

 

I wrote pages to my xMM... questioning him, telling him off, blah blah blah blah, and it did help me let off some steam. Naturally I never sent the pages to him... just wrote them in MS Word, and then deleted it. I was in that A for 2.5 years.

 

NC with the xMM and you will be feeling in a few weeks, and even better than THAT in a few months. Stay strong, you can do it.

[fooled once]

By George, I think I’ve done it! I think its over for good this time!

 

As many of you know, I’ve been struggling with ending this A almost since it began (2 years ago). Every ounce of my being knew it wasn’t right and didn’t feel right. I’ve tried hard core NC, soft core NC, LC and whatever other acronym there is for contact. Nothing ever worked. So what makes this time - this day different???? Not sure, let me explain the chain of events and you kind folks tell me:

 

My MM turns 50 in a few weeks; this event also coincides with their 20 year anniversary. I’ve been hearing rumbling for a couple of months about the possibility of a romantic getaway for two but I have been told that he can’t stand to be around her and she around him so he doubts the trip will ever be booked. Well… the trip got booked about a week and a half ago. I flipped out and told him I was done! Told him that I’ve had enough and I’m not sticking around to find out how it went. Now, everytime I see his face, his name, or even think of him, I’m picturing them alone together on a tropical beach somewhere and I feel like I’m gonna puke!

 

Prior to the “booking” of this trip… I spent months being his therapist; counseling him on the MANY arguments they have been having - It was endless!!! Him complaining about her constant nagging and bitching about how worthless and unreliable he was/is, how she was tired of being the only one who cared about anything in their house, how she is envious of all her friends who get to go away on vacation and all she does is work like a dog all day and come home and work some more. (This is what he was telling me.)

 

He has tried to woo me back in these last week and half but I have ignored him. I finally got mad as hell at him and told him I respect his decision to stay married but he needs to respect my decision to move on. Something tells me he heard me this time!!!

 

I am fine with my decision to end this as I have known for quite some time that it wasn’t right. But I do miss him. I miss our daily conversations and I’m afraid that will deter me from my momentum. So here is my question to you… Do you think it will help or hurt my goal in getting over him if I start journaling as if I’m talking to him??? Part of me thinks it will just keep him in my thoughts and if he were to get a hold of me – it would set me back. What do you think??? I’m desperate to find SOMETHING that will ease the pain of his absence.

 

Keep picturing them together celebrating their anniversary. He made the conscious decision to go on this trip. He could have gotten out of it; but something in him decided he wanted to make her happy. Something in him chose her happiness over yours.

 

I think you need to journal. Write letters to him that you do not send. Do not break the silence. Do not think any amount of talking will change the facts - the fact is he chose to book the trip. The fact is he chose to go. The fact is he is going away with her. Keep that in your mind. Keep that fact up front in your head.

 

You cannot ease the pain; you need to ride through it. Part of the pain is a lesson for you - I don't mean that nasty. I am saying you grow through heartache and struggle. You must go through the pain and the loss. To try to avoid it will only delay your healing.

 

I wish you the best.

[half_ofa_heart]

Keep picturing them together celebrating their anniversary. He made the conscious decision to go on this trip. He could have gotten out of it; but something in him decided he wanted to make her happy. Something in him chose her happiness over yours.

 

I think you need to journal. Write letters to him that you do not send. Do not break the silence. Do not think any amount of talking will change the facts - the fact is he chose to book the trip. The fact is he chose to go. The fact is he is going away with her. Keep that in your mind. Keep that fact up front in your head.

 

You cannot ease the pain; you need to ride through it. Part of the pain is a lesson for you - I don't mean that nasty. I am saying you grow through heartache and struggle. You must go through the pain and the loss. To try to avoid it will only delay your healing.

 

I wish you the best.

 

The bolded above... those are almost the exact words i said to him upon being told the trip was booked!!!! it is exactly how I saw it and why I decided it was the last straw. There was NOTHING he could say to justify the opposite of that!!!

 

I understand what you are saying about not being able to ease the pain. i know that everyone sees him as something I shouldn't feel any pain over but the fact remains that the person I saw (even though skewed) and got to know is no longer a part of my life. I have to get used to that not being there anymore. Thanks for your words of support.

 

Getting my other half of my heart back

[fooled once]

The bolded above... those are almost the exact words i said to him upon being told the trip was booked!!!! it is exactly how I saw it and why I decided it was the last straw. There was NOTHING he could say to justify the opposite of that!!!

 

I understand what you are saying about not being able to ease the pain. i know that everyone sees him as something I shouldn't feel any pain over but the fact remains that the person I saw (even though skewed) and got to know is no longer a part of my life. I have to get used to that not being there anymore. Thanks for your words of support.

 

Getting my other half of my heart back

 

Oh hon, you are going to feel pain. You are going to possibly feel betrayed, used, hurt, lied to, etc. I can't image NOT feeling pain over it. This was a big part of your life. You will get through this - as painful as it will be. But you WILL survive; and I would even guess thrive. I know you will have learned a lot about trust, honesty and what is and isn't acceptable.

 

And you are so right - he can't 'explain' or 'reason away' the fact that he chose to go. Find the positive here - going forward, you know what is or isn't acceptable to you. You will no longer need to sneak around. You will no longer have to hide. You will be able to in the open and upfront with family/friends about the next person you decide to date. You will find strength within you that you never knew existed.

 

I do wish you well!!!

[seren]

Half, I totally recommend journalling as a way of getting it all down. I kept one after H's A and it helped me to get it out without having the truly horrible and often heart wrenching thoughts I had, circle in the air for longer than necessary. Sometimes it is enough to have just written it all, mine was full of stuff, ramblings, rants, sayings, drawings some where my anger shows by the pen going through the paper, or by the content or writing, others by the stopping half way when it just hurt too much.

 

BUT, there then comes a day when you don't need the journal so much, in fact there comes a day when you think that you are done and then you burn or shred the thing. The day I shredded mine was very liberating and marked the turn in the long road of recovery.

Word also helped me to write entire pages of angry, very bad cursing, I once wrote pages with just the C word in large caps and bolded! and other very bad things and then hit delete.

 

I so wish you peace from all this and also a happy fulfilled future. I also think that in between all the snarkiness that abounds on internet support sites there are also those who will reach out to you and understand. There are some very supportive people here who will not judge when you vent or look back with regret or fondness.

 

Take very good care and buy a big blank book and lots of pens and remember the day you burn the journal begin a new one that is symbolic of a new life with lots of blank pages to fill with happier times. Now stick to NC. Seren x

[whichwayisup]

Seems that was the last straw and the light went on, you've had enough!

 

Here's to healing (and I know you're hurting and going to grieve, but USE that anger to push you along and keep you in NC mode and let your pride/ego take over when it comes to NC..Don't ever cave and give him that satisfaction!) and starting over!

[TurningTables]

Hi! Dont have much to say other than Good Luck and you can do it! Time to take back your life, your control and your heart! Im sure there is someone waiting for it out there...

 

Best wishes!

[half_ofa_heart]

Thank you to everyone who posted!!! Towards the end of the day it got worse and I broke down and cried the whole hour long commute home but I felt okay afterwards. I have but one person I can talk to and sometimes talking about it just hurts so today I just cried.

 

Day one complete! I deserve better!!! I want a better life!!!

 

Thanks again!

[woinlove]

Your posts really do sound different this time, half. Good for you for standing up for yourself, knowing you want and deserve better!

 

I think a journal can work well. Your concerns about keeping him in mind through journalling are valid, but after such an intense and tumultuous R, I don't think it is realistic - or even necessarily desirable - to completely block him from your thoughts. Something that might work is designating a time to write in your journal and think about all this, perhaps some time every day at first, and then starting to refocus your thoughts outside of that time by staying active and by telling yourself you will delve into those thoughts during your designated journal time.

[fooled once]

How are you doing?

[MissBee]

By George, I think I’ve done it! I think its over for good this time!

 

As many of you know, I’ve been struggling with ending this A almost since it began (2 years ago). Every ounce of my being knew it wasn’t right and didn’t feel right. I’ve tried hard core NC, soft core NC, LC and whatever other acronym there is for contact. Nothing ever worked. So what makes this time - this day different???? Not sure, let me explain the chain of events and you kind folks tell me:

 

My MM turns 50 in a few weeks; this event also coincides with their 20 year anniversary. I’ve been hearing rumbling for a couple of months about the possibility of a romantic getaway for two but I have been told that he can’t stand to be around her and she around him so he doubts the trip will ever be booked. Well… the trip got booked about a week and a half ago. I flipped out and told him I was done! Told him that I’ve had enough and I’m not sticking around to find out how it went. Now, everytime I see his face, his name, or even think of him, I’m picturing them alone together on a tropical beach somewhere and I feel like I’m gonna puke!

 

Prior to the “booking” of this trip… I spent months being his therapist; counseling him on the MANY arguments they have been having - It was endless!!! Him complaining about her constant nagging and bitching about how worthless and unreliable he was/is, how she was tired of being the only one who cared about anything in their house, how she is envious of all her friends who get to go away on vacation and all she does is work like a dog all day and come home and work some more. (This is what he was telling me.)

 

He has tried to woo me back in these last week and half but I have ignored him. I finally got mad as hell at him and told him I respect his decision to stay married but he needs to respect my decision to move on. Something tells me he heard me this time!!!

 

I am fine with my decision to end this as I have known for quite some time that it wasn’t right. But I do miss him. I miss our daily conversations and I’m afraid that will deter me from my momentum. So here is my question to you… Do you think it will help or hurt my goal in getting over him if I start journaling as if I’m talking to him??? Part of me thinks it will just keep him in my thoughts and if he were to get a hold of me – it would set me back. What do you think??? I’m desperate to find SOMETHING that will ease the pain of his absence.

 

Great for you!

 

I like SG's suggestion...in your journaling/his response, focus on what IS and not what could be or what you'd like.

 

When my ex and I broke up, somehow my brain exaggerated the greatness of the relationship and of him and I was convinced he was irreplaceable...smh I was hugely distorting the relationship during NC towards a more romantic notion. It helped me to look at why we didn't need to be together and to list his bad qualities and the things I didn't like...then make another list of what I would like in a future partner. That helped me to take him off the pedestal and to see that he was not the end-all-be-all and it made me miss him less.

 

But truth is, you're going to miss this person for a while, no matter what so you just have to focus on reality, focus on your future, focus on yourself and focus on ways to enjoy your own company and the company of friends. The missing part is par for the course and you can't do anything about it but let it run its course. Dive into doing things for you and probably working through being a woman who has this behind her....and trust me, I have learned that simply breaking up with someone is not enough, as if you don't take the time to learn about YOU and your part in the situation and what made you choose to date this person and all that, then you've not gained much and will probably repeat the same mistake. I have also learned that the time you spend thinking critically about that and soul searching, the less time you spend thinking about this other person and when you do, the more you see things clear and a lot of times it isn't as romantic but helps you to detach even more.

Edited August 31, 2011 by MissBee

[MorningCoffee]

John Gray, in Venus and Mars: Starting Over, recommends the feeling better letter exercises for dealing with getting over a loss, whether from death, divorce, breakup, estrangement, whatever, and "starting over."

 

You do write letters, not to be sent. But there is an exchange. Here's how:

 

First you write to the other person, then let that sit.

 

The second you write the answers to your first letter as you would want to have the other person answer. Weird, I know, but healing.

 

Then you write a completion letter.

 

He also recommends reading the three in sequence to yourself out loud . . . and letting the feelings roll (and the tears, or hollers, or whatever is appropriate), until you can go through them all without breaking down. Repeat as often as feels helpful.

 

I used this method to good effect in mourning the loss to illness of my long-time W, and later, in other. . . ahem . . .troubling circumstances. Hope it helps. Here's the list of prompts as I have them jotted down. The actual book may have more . . .

 

Feeling Better letter prompts

 

#1

Dear . . . ,

 

I am writing to share my feelings, and to seek acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

 

Right now,

I feel angry that . . .

I feel angry because . . .

I feel angry when . . .

I don’t like . . .

I wish . . .

 

I feel sad that . . .

I feel sad because . . .

I feel sad when . . .

I wanted . . .

I expect . . .

 

I feel afraid that . . .

I feel afraid because . . .

I feel afraid when . . .

I do not want . . .

I need . . .

 

I feel sorry that . . .

I feel sorry because . . .

I feel sorry when . . .

I want . . .

I hope . . .

 

Thank you for listening,

Love,

 

#2

Response letter

 

Dear . . . ,

 

Thank you for . . .

I understand . . .

I am sorry . . .

Please forgive me for . . .

I want you to know . . .

You deserve . . .

I want . . .

 

Love,

 

#3

Completion letter

 

Thank you for . . .

I understand that . . .

I realize that . . .

I know . . .

I forgive . . .

I am grateful for . . .

I trust that . . .

Right now, in my life I am in the process of . . .

 

Oh, and just because a prompt or a phrase is there does not mean you have to finish that sentence, and if one particularly prompts you you can write answers to it as many as you like in any given letter. Like "I am angry that . . . " can get a lot of mileage in some circumstances! Just use what appeals and leave the rest. Your inner wisdom will guide you in these exercises. I just found having the prompts kicked into gear some things that I might otherwise have missed or suppressed.

 

Good luck! Best wishes.

[half_ofa_heart]

John Gray, in Venus and Mars: Starting Over, recommends the feeling better letter exercises for dealing with getting over a loss, whether from death, divorce, breakup, estrangement, whatever, and "starting over."

 

You do write letters, not to be sent. But there is an exchange. Here's how:

 

First you write to the other person, then let that sit.

 

The second you write the answers to your first letter as you would want to have the other person answer. Weird, I know, but healing.

 

Then you write a completion letter.

 

He also recommends reading the three in sequence to yourself out loud . . . and letting the feelings roll (and the tears, or hollers, or whatever is appropriate), until you can go through them all without breaking down. Repeat as often as feels helpful.

 

I used this method to good effect in mourning the loss to illness of my long-time W, and later, in other. . . ahem . . .troubling circumstances. Hope it helps. Here's the list of prompts as I have them jotted down. The actual book may have more . . .

 

Feeling Better letter prompts

 

#1

Dear . . . ,

 

I am writing to share my feelings, and to seek acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

 

Right now,

I feel angry that . . .

I feel angry because . . .

I feel angry when . . .

I don’t like . . .

I wish . . .

 

I feel sad that . . .

I feel sad because . . .

I feel sad when . . .

I wanted . . .

I expect . . .

 

I feel afraid that . . .

I feel afraid because . . .

I feel afraid when . . .

I do not want . . .

I need . . .

 

I feel sorry that . . .

I feel sorry because . . .

I feel sorry when . . .

I want . . .

I hope . . .

 

Thank you for listening,

Love,

 

#2

Response letter

 

Dear . . . ,

 

Thank you for . . .

I understand . . .

I am sorry . . .

Please forgive me for . . .

I want you to know . . .

You deserve . . .

I want . . .

 

Love,

 

#3

Completion letter

 

Thank you for . . .

I understand that . . .

I realize that . . .

I know . . .

I forgive . . .

I am grateful for . . .

I trust that . . .

Right now, in my life I am in the process of . . .

 

Oh, and just because a prompt or a phrase is there does not mean you have to finish that sentence, and if one particularly prompts you you can write answers to it as many as you like in any given letter. Like "I am angry that . . . " can get a lot of mileage in some circumstances! Just use what appeals and leave the rest. Your inner wisdom will guide you in these exercises. I just found having the prompts kicked into gear some things that I might otherwise have missed or suppressed.

 

Good luck! Best wishes.

 

Wow Coffee.... thank you so much. I'm going to try this tomorrow. I am still struggling with the loss of him on a daily basis but I must say that his keeping NC has made it easier. I'm hoping I can continue on this road and soon don't even worry IF he'll ever try and contact me.

 

Thanks

[xxoo]

I am still struggling with the loss of him on a daily basis but I must say that his keeping NC has made it easier. I'm hoping I can continue on this road and soon don't even worry IF he'll ever try and contact me.

 

Stay strong, heart. Remember the saying--when going through hell, keep going! You'll come out the other side.

[half_ofa_heart]

Not sure why but woke up today feeling exceptionally empty

 

Perhaps its that my phone doesn't ring anymore. He was a part of my daily life - all day long!!! I keep trying to convince myself that it's better than being in it but today is a day that I'm not very convincing.

 

I feel like part of me is missing and I feel lost...

[wannabdone]

Congratulation on doing so well. And I am very sorry for your pain. This is so difficult I know. Society tells us just as being in the position of the OW that we have no right to hurt. We knew what we were doing and we are homewreckers. What they don't see, is we cling to "you can't help who you love", and hold that as our motto. We love them so dearly, that we want to see them through this and we will be happy. I think majority of us don't do this as to be mean.

 

I've hated that I hurt people. I've had enorous guilt over it. But yet I still very much loved my MM and wanted a life with him. Loved him so much I looked over how he was treating me. I guess I thought I had enough love for the both of us. Grieving the loss of a relationship is awful as it is. Grieving the loss of a relationship when you realize you were taken for a sick and twist ride is even worse. There are so many emotions and feelings that you are having to work through.

 

What is it with us becoming their therapist????? Is that so we will feel sorry for them or what??? It has to be, because its much cheaper and less detremental for them to hire a therapist than to have a OW help them.

 

Good luck to you. HUGS!!!!

[xxoo]

Not sure why but woke up today feeling exceptionally empty

 

Perhaps its that my phone doesn't ring anymore. He was a part of my daily life - all day long!!! I keep trying to convince myself that it's better than being in it but today is a day that I'm not very convincing.

 

I feel like part of me is missing and I feel lost...

 

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling today

 

That missing part....has it been missing all along? Hence the user name? His presence may be a welcome distraction, but not what is going to help you fill that void once and for all.

 

It is a brilliant day outside in my part of the world. The first hint of seasonal change is in the air. Now is a great time to shake loose what is no longer growing, but expect to deal with some rotten fruit.

[half_ofa_heart]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling today

 

That missing part....has it been missing all along? Hence the user name? His presence may be a welcome distraction, but not what is going to help you fill that void once and for all.

 

It is a brilliant day outside in my part of the world. The first hint of seasonal change is in the air. Now is a great time to shake loose what is no longer growing, but expect to deal with some rotten fruit.

 

I honestly don't think so. I think back to the day I met MM and I can honestly say that at that point in my life... I was at my happiest! I was content with everything in my life. I believe that's what MM was attracted to. Generally, I am a happy person. I'm proactive - a go getter; so if something in my life isn't working I generally work towards making it better.

 

Lot of that has changed. Is it because of the MM??? I don't think so. The economy downturn has affected me greatly and added to the frustration of my life. I believe whatever I am lacking is due to timing.

 

But, right now, today, what I'm missing is him! Of this I am certain.

[TurningTables]

Hi HOH. Im sorry you are hurting, but you hang in there. You are going to have your good days and bad ones. Soon, you will realize that you are 3/4 done with the day and havent thought of him once. You'll forget the lines of his face, his exact hair and eye color. He will be gone and you will move on.

 

Good Luck!

[half_ofa_heart]

Hi HOH. Im sorry you are hurting, but you hang in there. You are going to have your good days and bad ones. Soon, you will realize that you are 3/4 done with the day and havent thought of him once. You'll forget the lines of his face, his exact hair and eye color. He will be gone and you will move on.

 

Good Luck!

 

Thanks TT. I haven't been able to do much of anything today but surf LS. All I WANT to do is call MM... I hate even admitting that!!!! I am doing the right thing - anything else isn't good enough but I soooo want to know how he's doing. Then I tell myself that how he's doing is none of my business anymore and I need to only worry about how I'M doing!!! But the reality is... I always worried (focused) more on him than me anyways. Not that I was avoiding "me" as much as his life was always filled with so much drama.

 

Today's just really hard and it's going to be a LONG weekend for us here in the US and I'm trying to find things to do to stay busy.

[fooled once]

Half,

 

I am sorry today has been hard . Have you started your letter

Ike morning coffee posted?

 

I want you to remember that even "with" him, you would still be alone and waiting for a call/text. And with the holiday weekend, communication may also not have been frequent.

 

I know there are some OW who are content with "half" a relationship, they thrive on the secrecy and forbiddeness of the affair. I personally don't get why anyone would want that year after year. Can you imagine spending your prime years like this? Can you imagine how lonely those women really are but they may feel as if they have to put a smile on their face and proclaim "one day we will be together" how sad to waste time on this earth waiting for someone to move out or divorce.

 

You will grieve and be sad. Let those feelings come - give in to the tears, but do not give in to contacting him. You will find yourself much happier and much stronger when you get through this. One day at a time. Hang in there!!!

[half_ofa_heart]

Half,

 

I am sorry today has been hard . Have you started your letter

Ike morning coffee posted?

 

I want you to remember that even "with" him, you would still be alone and waiting for a call/text. And with the holiday weekend, communication may also not have been frequent.

 

I know there are some OW who are content with "half" a relationship, they thrive on the secrecy and forbiddeness of the affair. I personally don't get why anyone would want that year after year. Can you imagine spending your prime years like this? Can you imagine how lonely those women really are but they may feel as if they have to put a smile on their face and proclaim "one day we will be together" how sad to waste time on this earth waiting for someone to move out or divorce.

 

You will grieve and be sad. Let those feelings come - give in to the tears, but do not give in to contacting him. You will find yourself much happier and much stronger when you get through this. One day at a time. Hang in there!!!

 

Thanks FO - I did manage to get thru the day without contacting him. It wasn't easy I'll tell you that. I honestly believe that my inability to grieve is what holds me back. I can't grieve because I'm not supposed to be grieving about anything because there wasn't a relationship to grieve... At least to everyone else. I cry and grieve in my private times but those are few and far between.

 

I haven't written the letters yet but I will. I wasn't ready today because my mind was still missing him too much. I have some time to myself this weekend so I'm planning on tackling that then. I have journaled everyday and that's been helping.

 

He has been respecting my wishes for the first time in 2 and a half years so that truly helps. If he were to have contacted me today I know I would have caved.

 

I really do appreciate everyone's support thru this. with everyone's help - I'll get to the other side.

 

Heart

[wannabdone]

Thanks FO - I did manage to get thru the day without contacting him. It wasn't easy I'll tell you that. I honestly believe that my inability to grieve is what holds me back. I can't grieve because I'm not supposed to be grieving about anything because there wasn't a relationship to grieve... At least to everyone else. I cry and grieve in my private times but those are few and far between.

 

I haven't written the letters yet but I will. I wasn't ready today because my mind was still missing him too much. I have some time to myself this weekend so I'm planning on tackling that then. I have journaled everyday and that's been helping.

 

He has been respecting my wishes for the first time in 2 and a half years so that truly helps. If he were to have contacted me today I know I would have caved.

 

I really do appreciate everyone's support thru this. with everyone's help - I'll get to the other side.

 

Heart

 

I understand what you are saying here. Its like we aren't supposed to grieve because we were the OW, we were the 3rd wheel and should have "known better", and since he has been so horribly cruel to us why in gods green earth would we miss that and grieve??? We should be dancing in the streets to have gotten rid of at ass. But, we did love them, DEEPLY. For what ever reason, and we do miss them, DEEPLY.

It is the hardest thing in the world. To love and miss someone that is so harmful to us. I'm sorry you are hurting. I know you are doing better, but there are those times. I had one of those saturday morning as well. OUt of the blue....boom!!! Cried like a baby and had been doing so well.

 

Do you think its bad to write the letter s when you are sad too though??? It would be a way to get your emotions out. You have to grieve this, or you will never get over it. I've been holding that back for years, and I think thats why I'm in the spot I am. Also, if you did write them, you could see your progress. I'm sure your sad/missing letters will be fewer and farther between a month from now. And it might help you to see your progress. Does that make sense???

 

So how are you doing today?