SweetSunshine726 Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=darkred][/color] My boyfriend of two months broke things off with me not to long ago. His reasoning for was that he had to move back in with his mom (who lives in S.C.) to get his life straightened back out...this was on a Friday, he went four days without me being able to get hold of him. When I first got hold of him at the beginning of the four days he said he would call me back but never did. When I finally got hold of him he delivered the blow and when confronted with why he could talk to me and why he ignored me he said he didn't wanna hurt my feelings. But the worse part about it was on Sunday I found out he had cheated on me and bragged about it to one of the guys he works with. (I found out from that guy). The thing is I think I am still in love with him...his dad hasn't seen him or heard from him in days and I can't help but worry and wonder what's wrong with him. I want to know if he's OK. I think about him about the time and I miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 If you believe this friend of his then this guy cheated on you, didn't have the courage to speak to you and end the relationship and is not contacting his father ( who must be worried ). Sorry, but he sounds like a flake. In the grand scheme things two months is not a lot of time. My philosophy of dating used to be that I'd have to be seeing someone for at least 2 months before I would even consider that it could in any way be serious. It is not my intention to belittle your feelings, but you could consider yourself lucky. How much more devestating would this have been if he did this to you after 4 months, 6 months, 2 years ........ Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 kinda like what is goin on with my boy...i went for like weeks without talking to him. Then he called out of the blue..people are weird Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by SweetSunshine726 [font=arial][/font][color=darkred][/color] But the worse part about it was on Sunday I found out he had cheated on me and bragged about it to one of the guys he works with. (I found out from that guy). The thing is I think I am still in love with him...his dad hasn't seen him or heard from him in days and I can't help but worry and wonder what's wrong with him. I want to know if he's OK. I think about him about the time and I miss him. I think we build an image in our mind of the 'perfect' person... and when someone that has 'some' of the those attributes, they take on that image .. and we love that image to pieces.. thus, we fall IN love, hook, line and sinker... and THEN when that image turns on us... as did yours, as did mine and as did so many others.. and it's so very painful... and we fight with what is and what is not really happening to us... It's a crushing intrusive shock to our spirit, isn't it? But, Sweet SweetSunshine, please tell yourself, over and over, he's not who you thought him to be... he only took on an image you believed him to be ... just like me.. and know that someone out there just might fit that image in your dreams a whole lot better.. I'll say a prayer for your heart to heal.. for your sun to shine again.. God bless you, rose Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 hmm i really dont know what to say...im having problems right now...everything that he has told me leeps replaying in my mind..saying that we would get back together down the road...and he even said that he was trying to build back up the love that we had... Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever hmm i really dont know what to say...im having problems right now...everything that he has told me leeps replaying in my mind..saying that we would get back together down the road...and he even said that he was trying to build back up the love that we had... No matter where he is, if he cares truly about you.. then, he won't let you suffer one minute more than he has already.. .. I learned that the hard way.. IF he is sincere.. and if he does have problems to work out, then.. why doesn't he include you????? .. Is it secretive like the cheating was.. I'm so sorry honey.. it's just that I feel it'a happened to me.. when I'm in knee deep, I don't see things either.. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by aroseInLove No matter where he is, if he cares truly about you.. then, he won't let you suffer one minute more than he has already.. .. I learned that the hard way.. IF he is sincere.. and if he does have problems to work out, then.. why doesn't he include you????? .. Is it secretive like the cheating was.. I'm so sorry honey.. it's just that I feel it'a happened to me.. when I'm in knee deep, I don't see things either.. he never cheated on me...he just has another gf now...cept she's 16. i think he called me today but i wasnt here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetSunshine726 Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 I totally agree with you aroseinlove about what you have said with my situation and that other girls situation. What you've said to her has hit close to home with me. The fact that I allowed myself to fall in love with him and he said he was in love with me should mean that what ever he was going through we could get through together if he really cared about me. So before I found out that he had cheated on me the fact that he said I needed to move on when he fed me the bull about moving back in with his mom should have set off a red alarm. Unfortunately at the time it didn't and I like a groveling idiot told him to worry about getting his life together and I would worry about getting my situation in order where I could move with him. Of course that wasn't good enough for him and he shot that idea down to saying he wouldn't want me in a year so I should forget about him! I mean I honestly know I am better off but I can't seem to mend my broken heart. Which I know the sun will shine again and it will stop raining. I just hope I don't make the mistake of rushing my healing process and jump into a relationship should I find a new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 Originally posted by aroseInLove No matter where he is, if he cares truly about you.. then, he won't let you suffer one minute more than he has already.. .. I learned that the hard way.. IF he is sincere.. and if he does have problems to work out, then.. why doesn't he include you????? .. Is it secretive like the cheating was.. I'm so sorry honey.. it's just that I feel it'a happened to me.. when I'm in knee deep, I don't see things either.. he would call me if he broke up with someone or if he had a problem to workout and he needed a person to talk to ..or if he was bored he would call me while his girl was at school. Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever he would call me if he broke up with someone or if he had a problem to workout and he needed a person to talk to ..or if he was bored he would call me while his girl was at school. Dear Meanttolive4ever, Sweetie, follow your name here.. Live your life; not meant to be a tool for HIS.. don't let him 'use' you... I loved my guy and would give him the world, but THERE'd STAND NOT ONE MINISCUAL CHANCE IN HELL that [color=darkred]I'd LET HIM call me under these conditions[/color] as in your words quoted here .. Originally posted by SweetSunshine726 he shot that idea down to saying he wouldn't want me in a year so I should forget about him! I mean I honestly know I am better off but I can't seem to mend my broken heart. Which I know the sun will shine again and it will stop raining. [color=darkred]I just hope I don't make the mistake of rushing my healing process and jump into a relationship should I find a new guy. [/color] Please understand first and foremost, this guy absolutely devastated me; he became my world.. my miracle ..I was so convinced he was Heaven-sent... and then 'poof' I started taking hits of his doses of reality.. At the time, I was sooooooooooooo hopeful I was wrong.. I just HAD TO BE wrong.. and Dear God knows I don't face emotional loss very well.... To me, that 'big lie' seemed like a whole lot better of a world than living with the contrasting 'ugly truth'... I am so emotionally fragile from a life of abuse, that facing this truth .. that what was Heaven-sent .. was 'poof'... 'gone'... that truth was so disgustingly ugly, I was nauseated through out the day and worse at night.. I lost 15 pounds.. was so very replused .. so denial was the 'best route' for me.. until denial turned out to make me question ME and was 'not helping' me with answers I needed .. help I needed.. While struggling that my conscious KNEW this was not only different than it was earlier in the relationship, but was becoming more and more dysfunctional.. not healthy... Seems, beyond my daghters, whom I didn't want to show my, then weakest side to.. I had no one else to look to for answers.. What I did know is that I'm pretty feminine and thought just maybe I AM being too much of 'girl' (sorry).. but for sure I wanted a 'guy' perspective to help me better see the picture from his world. ..helping' me with those answers I needed .. looking for a way to breathe again.... I figured a 'guy' perspective on 'guy' behavior would help me better determine, if, indeed, my guy was actually on his way 'out' of my world.. which he evidently was.. Cheating or not, he was not including me in his life. One night I was so stricken with panic and worry I looked to the Internet searching for answers .. searching for help anyway I could find it without it being an 'ulterior motive' source like chat rooms, etc.. I wanted clean, solid help ... and somehow found LoveShack... Might be too long to parse through, but read my thread if you like.... Is this normal for guys to do... while I'm burdened with pain and struggles just for ( 1 2 3 4 ... Last page )8th April 2004 7:16 PM aroseInLove 113 Yesterday 1:54 AM In my thread there were so many words ..opinions.. that truly helped me out from the denial that went on .. No, it wasn't 8 years of my life, as in yours, SweetSunshine.. you were so very sadly robbed 8 times worse... I am so very sorry.. Mine was a little over a year... but I believed in him so much I thought I'd live out the rest of my life with this man.. After I broke up with him I STILL called him... Why? I'd reach those moments that I just 'had to' call.. 'had to' write.. I sufferred.. and THEN a friend.. I always called him a 'blast from the past' when he'd always call out of the blue just to say hello... This was our norm as he'd been calling every now and then for a few years.. ... BUT this time he called me right smack in the middle of my torment.. When I hit him with the news of my break up, he got a whole lot more attentive.. I told him I wanted to make one of those calls to Joseph.. He wouldn't hang up.. he kept me on the phone til 3:30 am even though he had to be UP at 6:30 am to get ready for work that next day.. He knew I was struggling so hard trying to reason with why my ex did half of what he did.. that I just wanted desperately to understand.. He said over and over and over again... "The guy's been lying, Rose.. there's no way.. etc.. "... Turns out, now, I come to realize I'll never know.. nor do I even WANT to know anymore.. My reasoning for ALL THIS is to lead to this ONE THING: From the pit of HELL and repulsiveness the best medicine in THE WORLD just happened to be someone new's unrelentless focus on me (what a concept) keeping me on the phone, literally for hours, especially during those times in the day or night that I'd be at my weakest. I'm saying this to you both... but in answer to SweetSunshine726's "[color=darkred]I just hope I don't make the mistake of rushing my healing process and jump into a relationship should I find a new guy. [/color]" .... to soothe my crushed spirit... to reverse problems functioning in my world... to reverse that sickening repulsive disgust in my stomach of that 'ugly truth'. that he IS gone.. RUSHING to the healing process WAS my ONLY resolve over torture.. I didn't set out to find it.. it was ironic.. and weeks have passed and I still didn't have a date with him, beyond 2-3 hour nightly phone dates... but live version ..it's coming up this week.... Re-focus IS medicine.. as is church.. an LoveShack-ers.. Please, look inside your soul and look for that little child-like wonderful playful spirt that DOES reside in you even though you're NOT LETTING HER BREATHE... and let her NOT suffer ONE second more.... ... re-focus ... Yep, ALL this, because I'm trying like hell to prove a point that THE BEST medicine is this new focus.. Please, GO FOR THE RUSHING to the healing process.. Just be forthright with whomever.. I lie to no one on this earth... This guy calling me knows my story.. He tells me he knows he's at great risk that I might not want a serious relationship with him as this IS rebound mode.. Just wanted to share that this new focus is beyond doing the job of 'repair' ...it's a gift to my soul that there ARE wonderful people in this world that WANT to put focus on us.. add to our self WORTH that someone DOES see our value ...long over-due for this soul of mine.. in what seemed to have gone by the wayside... God Bless and please heal, Love, rose Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Wow, Rose! I'm glad to hear there was someone waiting in the wings for you. However, unless SweetSunshine has a longtime friend who is willing to step up to the plate, your suggestion may not be the best. I think it might be in your case, but usually the best solution for someone just out of a relationship is to spend some time alone to regain their sense of self before plunging into new relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetSunshine726 Posted May 9, 2004 Author Share Posted May 9, 2004 Thank - You All Your advice is really helping, but I agree with moimeme I am the type of person to be alone and heal I mean it is hard I want so badly to be able to pick up the phone and call him but I can't I keep telling myself I am stronger than that, stronger than allowing myself to go right back into the bull **** I just got out of. I mean I realize now that nothing he ever told me was true. He lied to me about having a kid He lied to me about everything probably even loving me. But I just look at the bigger picture I am so glad he did me a favor a broke up with me. If I had found out all of this after being with him say 2 years I would be devestated! So all in all I have to consider myself pretty lucky I might now have anyone right now but at least I don't have him in my life ruining it! However I do have one guy that seems to be there for me through thick and thin He's in the navy. His name is Travis and he is the most beautiful person and soul I have ever met. Is he my knight in shining armour probably not but he's rather close! He knows exactly what to say to make me feel beautiful and make me realize there are other fish in the sea that my life isn't over because some jerk didn't see what he was losing when he broke my heart. So I guess I could consider myself pretty lucky....I didn't lose anything when I lost my ex. I lost everything cause he made me stop talking to my one true love that meant the world to me. Travis. I guess I just had to see the story in someone elses words to realize that without Travis my life wouldn't be complete. No he's not the answer to my every problem and he can't whisk me away to a foreign place but he can be what I need right now a shoulder to cry on and a best friend! Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 sure would love to go out for a few seltzer and limes right now!!!! yeah, party girl I am.. but sure do wish you guys were close!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetSunshine726 Posted May 9, 2004 Author Share Posted May 9, 2004 I have felt like doing everything from drowning my sorrows in a six pack and feel like chasing that with tequila but thats not good for me I just wish the healing process didn't take so long! Link to post Share on other sites
katy_katt Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Hey, don't worry...it'll happen. Your situation sounds exactly like mine about a year ago. My bf left for home, promising to return for me, then called me a few weeks later and broke up with me. I don't know if he cheated on me...he might have but I barely heard from him. Needless to say, I was devasted. The only thing I could do was allow myself to feel the hurt whenever it came and KNOW that I could move on once I was through with that. Looking back, I realize that the reason it hurt so much was because there wasn't really any closure. One minute he loved me, the next he was gone, and after that he was saying he didn't want to be with me any more. I completely understand how much you hurt and how much you want to dull the pain, but please hang in there!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetSunshine726 Posted May 9, 2004 Author Share Posted May 9, 2004 ITS SO HARD SOMETIMES! Everything I do reminds me of him the songs I here the places I go the people I see. When I go to work i'm even reminded of him I never thought love could hurt so bad and then I loved and had my heart broken! Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 hmm im kind of lost for words now.. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Originally posted by SweetSunshine726 ITS SO HARD SOMETIMES! Everything I do reminds me of him the songs I here the places I go the people I see. When I go to work i'm even reminded of him I never thought love could hurt so bad and then I loved and had my heart broken! yea i know what you mean..i'll be watching a movie and ill hear sappy love music and cry..or ill hear one of "our" songs and ill just start crying Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetSunshine726 Posted May 9, 2004 Author Share Posted May 9, 2004 I WANT HIM BACK I MISS HIM!!! I LOVE HIM! AND HE DON'T WANT ME.....GOD I WISH IT WAS EASIER!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 yea i want mine back too..i duno what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetSunshine726 Posted May 11, 2004 Author Share Posted May 11, 2004 I am finally better. I am past the tears, angry, hurt, and confusion. I am finally ready to move on, bounce back and get my life back in order. Yeah I will still wonder who he's with if he's happy and if he misses me but I am finally ok with everything. I realize that he couldn't see how great I was and also couldn't realize what he gave up, I am sure I will go through moments of lonliness and want him back but I know I am better! I know that I don't need him. If he couldn't see what he let go then I don't need him no matter how much he said he love me. I am a better person from all of this I have grown and I have overcome this. I realize I need to focus on getting back my life and getting back the things he "took" from me. I really can say though that this healing process would have taken longer if I didn't have someone like you guys to share your stories with me and let me know how you dealt with your heartbreak. I appreciate every one of you and all of your advice. Thanks so much for the help you gave me. Link to post Share on other sites
katy_katt Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 **claps hands** Yay!! I'm glad to see you're feeling better. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 i'm still thinking about mine here and there..but mostly its about what ifs...what if he doesnt come back, what if he's sleeping with so and so, what if he's thinking about me..how would i know? stupid stuff like that. Its driving me crazy Link to post Share on other sites
katy_katt Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Yeah, I'm going through a breakup myself. Guess I'm lucky that it hasn't been the first one, but I'm always hoping it will be the last. Everything is a learning experience...that's something I always have to remember, at least I have my own experiences to draw on. Today I woke up giggling. It was the first time I woke up feeling happy in a couple of weeks and it felt so good!! So I know...things will always be all right. Link to post Share on other sites
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