How I Learned to Manage My Desire of Having a Girlfriend

[AHardDaysNight]

I know I am mentally not ready to date right now.

 

Right now, I am resigning myself to porn and just trying to make friends and become more social. Lose the anxiety, gain self confidence, stop being so damn analytical about everything that goes on in my life!

 

I know I will always be shy, to some extent. I know that isn't attractive to the majority of women out there. I am fine with that. I only want one woman.

[Teknoe]

This is the first time I came to this board, and 1st time I seen this topic. OP you're 1st two posts are awesome!

 

 

Thanks for the kind words, bro.

 

I have to admit, the past couple weeks or so I have had a "relapse" of sorts. This is why this is a BATTLE and we must remain vigilant. The negative thoughts don't want to stop coming... they love to throw a party in your head. Since the weather got crappier and crappier, I haven't ran like I did in the summer, and my diet has been pretty poor. Also, that last crush of mine, my feelings for her came back up, and again recently I experienced an indirect psuedo-rejection (i.e. she rejected a group hang out offer, which was a nice way of saying she doesn't like me.... obviously when a girl digs you she'll find any excuse to hang out -- I also made the hang out open for any time, and she said she won't be free anytime soon, which is code for not interested)

 

So yes, I haven't been razor sharp lately and admit I need to get back to where I was in August.

 

I hope this encourages you because we're all human, and people usually have relapses. The key is, how do we respond when we fall back into old bad patterns?

 

Do we just moan and stay there?

 

Or do we fight out of it, kicking, punching and screaming?

[Desensitized]

Great post! I too learned to manage this desire

[Teknoe]

Great post! I too learned to manage this desire

 

Thanks. And it's good to point out that these desires don't merely die overnight. As I said, they love to party in our heads... we have to PROACTIVELY kick them out and lock and BOLT the door shut.

 

Relapses are common; I just recently had one of my own, but am on my way back to where I want to be.

 

When you look too hard, they don't bite. When you don't look, like REALLY don't look, that's when one will come along.

 

This is another thread I made earlier this summer that I find is useful as well

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t285727/

 

It's asking all guys on LS to make a pact to stop overanalyzing, as that just drains you through and through.

[Desensitized]

t's asking all guys on LS to make a pact to stop overanalyzing, as that just drains you through and through.

 

Haha. Yeah, I overanalyze wayyyyyy too much. And normally, that ruins things when I have a connection with someone. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for your future posts

[AHardDaysNight]

The truth is that a man doesn't NEED a woman. Same in reverse.

 

We desire, but we don't need. We can be fine, just on our own.

[ken_25]

This is a great thread, nice post OP. I'd like to throw out my situation to keep it going.

 

I'm 25, shortly after turning 19 I entered into what became my first serious relationship. Having my first love. It was fantastic, we lived in Michigan for 4 months together and then she moved to Florida with me. We lasted about 18 more months and she broke it off. I was a mess. I felt I knew then that I truly had something to strive for. I wanted love, that finding a good partner is my ultimate goal and nothing else was as important. Everything else became second or lower. So I dated a bunch and finally met my next serious g/f after 8 months from my break up. We lasted 3 1/2 years and she dumped me.

 

So this time something came over me. I knew what i had been doing isn't a good way to go about my life. Even though during my relationship i was happy to have her, i wasnt happy with myself. I became critical of myself, i was just standing still as someone mentioned earlier. It brought out a negative attitude sometimes and overall i just wasnt pleased with my life. So now I feel just trying to fill that void of having that partner is a void that will naturally get filled in time. I shouldn't find my woman and then build myself and my life around her and us. But build myself and my life and bring a woman into it. I told myself ok, no dating for at least 6-12 months. Figure yourself out, find passions, build self esteem and confidence. I lack and having been lacking these things since I was about 19 and even some before that. I need to learn how to be single and content again. To now focus on me and build myself up to the level I should be at to be happy with myself and my direction in life. I feel this is the way, and I'm very happy I realized this. It does suck not having someone though, I miss my life with her.. but I KNOW this is the best thing for me, it's what I needed to happen to break the cycle.

 

It's time to finally stop putting off things I've always wanted to do. To start checking off that bucket list. To finally gain my self confidence and self esteem back and through that be happy, and through that attract the right woman for me.

 

You're exactly right OP, I would to get crushes really quick. Everytime I had fun with a woman I felt was attractive I was always seriously analyzing the situation with her. I feel going about things like you did (going on that group trip, enjoy nature, being carefree) even if someone shows interest just stay calm and keep being yourself, and thus keep projecting your happiness and confidence and as you said people draw to it. It's true, I always found myself drawn to people who projected themselves like that. I admired it, and as the saying goes, if you admire something in someone else, it's also in YOU.

 

As I'm only about 15 weeks out of my break up, I'm still riding that roller coaster and also being in such a transitional period I'm only really preparing for a lot of what I'm about to do. But started doing the small things as I got myself back together, and it's helped me quite a bit. I'm excited about my future.