saintfrancis Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 I feel like my heart has just been ripped out through my a**h***. xMM is giving me all kinds of SH*T!!! This is kind of a continuation of sdc's thread about her MM not coping well with their breakup... Well, I've got news for you sister, mine is becoming like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde!!! One day he's asking me if there's anything he can do to help me (I was sick over the weekend), and now (yeah, now that I am sticking to my guns and not letting myself be the OW anymore)... now he is attacking me from all sides!! Making totally uncalled-for comments, questioning my committment to him, being generally uncooperative, etc etc. Is this guy a lunatic or is he is just acting out of hurt?? I tend to think this lashing out is because he's hurt, but for GOD'S SAKE!! Accusing me of "never" listening to his side of things! Never? Really, because I can distinctly recall MANY TIMES when I would ask him how he feels about this or that situation. What the F***??? Or is it just that he has gotten used to me accepting less than I deserve, and so he is now trying to scare me back into the "old arrangement??" I know from experience he is not generally an a**h***, in fact one of the reasons I fell for him was because he was so supportive of me, so NICE. But now, I don't know anymore. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE MEN??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author saintfrancis Posted May 6, 2004 Author Share Posted May 6, 2004 Oh yeah, P.S. -- I am still sticking to my guns. Link to post Share on other sites
sdc Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Thanks saint:-)..... i had just written a really long reply and then lost it and couldnt send it! In a nutshell.. as an objective outsider I think he has detected that you have turned a corner, that you mean it this time. That you really are walking away from this incomplete and rapidly becoming unattractive relationship. It sounds to me like he is scared and so cannot help himself but try anything and do anything to get a reaction out of you that says you are'nt really leaving him. The best thing would be not get into any kind of row, discussion or debate with him . .. just keep saying...... "yeah" whatever!". sniff your nose at him and walk away. That will ensure he gets the message loud and clear. You can always come back here later and do the shouting screaming crying, sobbing , " it hurts!" stuff here with people who will constantly give you the support to keep you strong! Your advice saved me to day...... I so very nearly rang him!!!!!!! just cannot beleive how easily and how quickly i ALMOST slipped..... the danger is everpresent isnt it?.... I wasnt depserate to hear his voice. I was just feeling chilled abotu it and feeling that I am going to be fine.... and then started thinking about him being depressed and felt sorry for him............and thought.. where's the harm in just a qucik call to see if he is ok!!!! cannot believe how easy it crept up! But I didnt call him and now I feel great , that I didn't! I think I feel even better than it might have felt to have friendly chat with him....its a better feeling than a quick fix! STAY STRONG :-) Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 is it just that he has gotten used to me accepting less than I deserve I think the feelings of hurt and outrage are genuine but you've put your finger on what the problem is. He is used to an arrangement in which his needs come first and you fit in, accepting whatever bits of his life he chooses to share with you. He thinks that's what he's entitled to, that if you loved him you'd continue to play second fiddle. Well done on finally putting yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author saintfrancis Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 I did put my foot down. I almost scare myself with how swiftly and completely I can turn sometimes. But, it really wasn't sudden underneath it all, because I have been struggling with this for a while. I did tell him that there is nothing that will make me go back this time. Nothing. Not while he is married. I have never said that before, even during past breakups. I do mean it. I hope I can stick to it!! I think I will be able to, because all around me I see people having full, complete relationships. I want that. I want that for myself. I am not opposed to talking about it with him, but there isn't anything that can change my mind about what I have to do/what I have done. P.S. Thank you meanon, and sdc... way to go!! I'm glad I could help someone be strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
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