ShortFuze Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 So why doesn't girls approach guys? Why does the guy have to approach the girl? I hate this because sometimes I don't know if the girl is intrested and I'm afraid of rejection..which is a bad thing because I should have confidence but that's hard to get. Guys and girls should be the same..girls should approach..ask for number...hang out...date..nothing wrong with that. It shouldn't have to be the guy 99% of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 I sooooo agree with you. However, i found that you just have to get up the courage or you may spend the rest of your life alone. Besides, both women and men find it attractive when a person tells them some thing like " you have beautiful eyes" or " you look enchanting today" or, and this is a good one " I like you, would you like to see a movie with me" say it right out of the blue, but remember simple, truthful, and senscere is the best policy! It can make you feel good, and increase your self esteem. Just try it, it's great! I've done it about six times this week, and i've gotten dates doing it. earlier this week, while sitting in my computer lab at the school I turned to this girl, who was sitting next to me, and told her "your perfume is intoxicating." She almost wet her pants! it was so funny! I know I at least got her attention. Link to post Share on other sites
cnred Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 As a girl, we are taught that it is not "lady-like" to approach a guy. i remember in 5th grade telling my dad I had called a boy and his stern reprimand, " You don't call a boy god-da#@ it! That's cheap!" Oh? This was news to me but I never forgot it. However, some girls do throw convention out the window and i'm one of them! I have approached guys often enough. As a female, it isn't always taken as the move of a bold and self assured woman. It can be misinterpreted as the move of a cheap, easy, whatever kind of girl. We have to watch it. Guys talk and you know it! I think it's mainly because of that women don't generally approach. TIP: When we watch you guys trying to work up the nerve to talk to us, we know what you're doing. If you act confident and relaxed, cool, you're in. If you need 10 shots, a pat on the back and the reinforcement from all your boys, we know. We saw. My advice is SHOW NO FEAR. Nothing is as attractive as confidence. Just be GENUNINE. Don't go overboard!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShortFuze Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by sweetbilly However, i found that you just have to get up the courage or you may spend the rest of your life alone. I agree with what you said. I know I do need to build up the courage. I already blew my chance yesterday and the whole semester. I'm really disappointed in myself but what can I do? I need to build up the courage but it's hard cause I'm a shy person. I rather talked to the girl when we're alone instead of a lot of people around that can hear cause I'm afraid if I get rejected then they will all hear that. Is this wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 The trick is to not be or look scared. cnred had it right, If you show women that you have no confidence why on earth would they want to date you. Who cares if other people see you get turned down! I get turned down 9 times out of every ten 10 times i ask a girl, and so does everyone else. the next time you see some kind of playboy at school watch how he talks to the women. I'll bet he is real loose and almost cocky with them. The difference between him and you is only one thing: when he gets turned down he just keeps asking, maybe not the same person but i'm sure she'll notice if he just goes to another woman! he won't dwell on the past, or let girls hurt his ego when they turn him down. Why do you think guys that have girlfriends always have girlfriends? Simple, because women always want what they cant have. When you show them what they're missing out on, they want it even more, and they'll kill eachother for it. One more piece of advice: never kiss and tell, ever! women aren't like men, they talk amongst eachother. If you kiss and tell you'll never get another piece as long as you live! good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
cnred Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Hey ShortFuze? I told you women are SMART. I truly believe we operate on a different level.... gut instinct if you will. And while I believe in SweetBilly to an EXTENT, I say we can also tell the difference between a player and the real deal. Trust me, Mr. Playboy can wind up looking just as much a fool as anyone else. More so, because they base their reputation on this type of thing. What others could shrug off counts as a big black mark against them. And BECAUSE they talk (right again SweetBilly) this holds more water. Anyway, a real girl, woman, whatever, WILL sense when you are genuine and THAT could be EXACTLY what turns her on...so to speak. Don't say you blew the whole semester, etc... You seem intelligent. I don't know what you look like but I would talk to you... because I know whatever you brought up would engage me. No matter what else, I CAN say you'd be original.Truly. Your intellect and (hopefullly) relaxed demeanor would speak VOLUMES. Smart, intuitive, beautiful girls do exist. (Trust me on that one. It's just as hard - harder - on us than it is that stupid playboy.) Some girls are not open to that type of thing. That's cool for you though because, REALLY, you strike me as the type of guy who'd want to respect the girl he's with. You start a real conversation and the cool chick can maneuver you so easily, you dont even know it's happening until... you find yourself in love with your equal. I'm not trying to build you up and all that. I just mean what i say. We're few and far between, but definitely, worth finding. Good luck!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShortFuze Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 Hey cnred... Thanks for your response...I really appreciate it a whole bunch! Maybe I haven't blown my chance yet..I still got this very slim of a chance but I don't know if I should do it. So since your a women maybe you could help me out by giving me advice on what to do with my chance here. If you've read my previous threads..you will know the situation I'm in. If not, then it's ok. I'll give you a short few sentences though. There is this girl in one of my classes and I didn't talk to her...semester is over and I feel that I've blown my chances because I had many oppertunities to talk to her and I keep kicking myself in the head for not taking advantage of them. Well since the semester is over and it's summer I thought my chances were done until the fall semester starts. But I was wrong because this girl I know (not too well though) has her e-mail address since they exchanged e-mails just incase one another missed class. So my last chance would be to e-mail her, but I don't know if I want to do it this way because in my view this is pretty lame and sad. But then again this is the only chance I have since I might not see her again. But I also don't want to creep her out or anything since she didn't give me her e-mail. What is your view on this e-mailing situation? Should I e-mail her now or should I wait 3 months and take the chance that she will still go to the same school as me? What would your respsonse be if you were the girl who receives this e-mail from me? And if you agree to tell me to e-mail her...what should I say? Sorry a long message.... Link to post Share on other sites
cnred Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Hola' ShortFuze! My GUESS would be that this girl already knows you're interested. I think it a bit more than coinsidence that your friend "who you don't know that well" just HAPPENS to have her Email to give you. That said, you dont WANT to creep her out. Again, make a short, yet genuine statement. Say whatever you feel, genuinely! She's probably ( but not definitely) expecting a response from you already! I say be short, sweet and to the point. Be direct, but don't go overboard! AGAIN!!! State a genuine, honest, yet simple thought. Above all else she WILL be flattered - and curious. I'd love to tell you what I think you should say, but if it's genuine? It needs to come from you...and you alone. She'll probably know the difference. Keep me posted!!! AH!!! And, of course, Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 so you're not a player. That's a good thing in my book! Email is a great way for people to get to know about each other. Send her a chatty email about the class/ what you're doing for the summer/ any old interesting thing and ask her if she wants to meet up over the summer. This is an interesting article http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=447 Discover what your fears and barriers to intimacy are, and take steps to remove them. If you find yourself running away or afraid of certain aspects of intimacy, get some help from someone who has been down that path themselves. Strip away the barriers to availability and notice what comes up for me, mindfully, consciously, and lovingly. For when you are fully available for conscious emotional connection with yourself, you will attract the same energy into your life from others. Whatever happens with this lady, set things up so you have an interesting summer for yourself, not just waiting for classes to recommence. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 >>>I hate this because sometimes I don't know if the girl is intrested and I'm afraid of rejection..which is a bad thing because I should have confidence but that's hard to get.<<< Why are you afraid of rejection? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 you're right cnred, however, we're saying the exact same thing. Being truthful and honest is the best way to convince her that you are not the same as every other dude. I'm not suggesting that anyone play anyone, just that women are better attracted to men that are confident rather than players. You're absolutely right women can see through our crap, that's why it's important to be completely honest with her from the get go. However cnred answer me this, if women are so superior to men then why is it that you are so easily attracted to sparkly things, huh? haha lol. I'm telling you dude, just be yourself if she dosen't like you, that's her prob. like i said, you can't convince every woman out there that you are what they are looking for in a man but there are others that will recognize your qualities, even if it's not the one you were originally after. Women just want a real man. being honest is being confidant, this suggests that you are different from other guys and have nothing to hide. Don't dwell on the thought that she's going to turn you down, just get in there and ask her out! if it dosen't work out so be it. Chances are, one of her friends will have noticed and be interested in you. Think about it this way "what do you have to lose?" Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 I personally don't like girls that are forward because I question why are they being so forward? It could mean the girl is a slut or has a lack of self esteem, which in my experience are traits that are often found together. I know that even a semi-attractive girl will have no problem gaining a decent circle of suitors, so if a girl is forward, I question why does this girl think she needs to act this way. I value girls that "hook" me in in more subtle, tactful ways, since it shows they have real life skills (which would be considered skills for a man or woman) and are not just throwing themselves at people due to a lack of confidence in hopes that they get "lucky" and advance in life (anyway, getting "lucky" is not suceeding in life anyway, nothing good comes out of life unless you work hard to get it). Of course for a girl to land a guy she has to use a number of offensive moves anyway, it is just she has to exhibit an equally strong defensive component to her essense-matrix in order to be respected (which is also true for the man also). Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by capitald I personally don't like girls that are forward because I question why are they being so forward? It could mean the girl is a slut or has a lack of self esteem, which may in fact be the same thing if you think about it. I know that even a semi-attractive girl will have no problem gaining a decent circle of suitors, so if a girl is forward, I question why does this girl think she needs to act this way. She could just like to choose instead of being chosen! Also, a girl can be forward, ask for your number, call you, invite you out to dinner, ask for a date and....... not wanting to have sex with you at all! She might just want to know you better. ShortFuze, girls usually like to be approached better than to approach guys. Also, girls fear rejection more than guys. Rejection is worse for girls. (not the feeling of being rejected, that is the same, but it is worse to other people's eyes and it is a bigger blow to self-esteem). A girl will approach you if she is interested, she is 100% sure you are interested and you look very shy. Also, some girls are worried about being judged as sluts or 'easy lays' or women who have problems. And the worry is realistic (check capitald's post). Also, you score points with approaching (of course in a nice way). Link to post Share on other sites
cnred Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Hey SweetBilly! just a note! I don't think women "are so superior to men." Just that the way we see things... can be very different. When i say we're "smart' I mean more intuitive is all. Good advice to ShortFuze though. Genuine guys DO stand out from the rest, and from the way you express your thoughts, I'd say you probably already know this- being one yourself. Bye! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 WOW, thank you cnred. i'm flattered. Maybe that's why my girl is so damn beautiful, I never thought of it that way; i couldn't ask for a better, or more attractive girlfriend. I do agree with you: women ARE sooo much more intuitive than men. When we approach women we imediately start thinking with the litle head; it's a little hard not to do sometimes, and takes a lot of self control. But if you can do it, there are rewards! Hope this helps fuse? by the way, i could use a little advice in my post "she makes me smile" thanks! Sorry fuse, i'm not trying to steal your thundrer, i just need advice as i can get, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Girls should approach guys just as much as guys approach girls. Don't put it all on woman because 'you' are a wimp Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 I don't think women are necessarily more intuitive then men or even generally more intuitive on the whole. I think we live in this society where everyone wants to be a tough guy and doesn't want to admit they are sensitive or even have special spiritual senses or apparati because they are afraid they will look effeminate but at the same time these so-called tough guys will engage in all sorts of effeminancies, i.e. soopin' up their ride, tweezing their eyebrows. Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 eh, girls have approached me. I'm no big deal, I'm not rich and don't have drugs I'd say put yourself in high traffic locales...it's like this, which catches more fish, a net in a lake or one in the ocean? You get the idea. Doesn't help to be a looker though Link to post Share on other sites
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