"Having Faith" in him about marriage

[Parlanchina]

I am currently in a relationship with a guy that I love very very much. He's the kindest, sweetest guy you can imagine. We've been together for almost a year now. He helped me during the worst times and I've grown to love him even more.

 

Recently, he has talked about marriage. Nothing specific, but more of a "Marriage is something I want to do with you." at first I was very reluctant to accept it because I've been quite honestly, been very hurt before, and I know what it feels like to hope for something and get everything taken away from you in the end. I think I've about lost faith in promises and I am scared to think of the future.

 

But the more he brings it up, the slowly I warm up about the thought. I used to frown at him when he talks about it, then shush him a bit at first :| then I went to "Hey, let's not jinx it yet", and then now all those things he said are really warming my heart and making me hope when I don't want to hope at all because a part of me won't believe it and will have negative thoughts that "Oh, this again, it won't come true."

 

I guess what I want to know is how to be cool with it when he talks about getting married someday. It's all words. I want to know how you women/men do it, not get affected by something heartwarming. I always cry easily and even typing about this makes me tear up. Tell me what you think.

 

Thank you.

[holyred]

It is definitely a good thing for him to bring it up. But do not really believe it until he proposes. I posted a long thread minutes ago about my situation. My bf brought it up even asked me to imagine our wedding. But now he never mention it anymore. So you can pretent to be glad to hear it, but do not really believe it.

[Tayla]

I've read some of your previous relations post so you are correct to maintain an aloofness on this issue. Until you are entirely comfortable with this gentleman, its best to state to him in honesty how this "topic" be left to the Future. For now commit to "moments" that build towards that if he so likens, I would not suggest "pretending" or "beleiving" til you are ready. No one really wants a mate who fakes things or behaves like they are on board when they are not. Its misleading and weakens the heart. Imagine if you will, being totally enthralled on a matter and your mate simply "pretends" to go along with it, but their heart really isnt. You would grow to distrust them, and thats not anyway to retain the relation. You sound assured that he is a decent chap and I sincerely Hope you can "grow" to be where he is in the relations to speak so openly on it, until then, may you both be blessed with a fondness together.

[RiverRunning]

I'm in a similar sort of situation. I am surprised your boyfriend has brought it up so early in the relationship...and that it's apparently something he keeps harping on. But as nice as it is to hear, you're right to be concerned - it means nothing until he takes some action. Lots of people can talk the talk but never walk the walk.

 

If he continues - especially if you're not ready to advance the talks or to discuss it at length - let him know how much you appreciate his words. But I don't think it's out of line to say something like, "We'll talk about that more when we get to that point in our relationship." If you're ready to keep the talks going, start asking him for time lines. "So when do you expect you'll get hitched?" Keep it relaxed and playful and see what answers you get. If he's giving you a concrete time line - great! If you find yourself in "someday" or "soon"ville, it could be trouble.

 

good luck.