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Is He Using Me or Could He Be Interested?


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ContraryMary

This guy and I work in the same building on different floors (same company.) We met on email by happenstance cause I needed to ask him a question and we started talking, only friendly at first. I told him I had a boyfriend of four years, he said he dates someone on & off but was in between that right now. A few days later I found that another girl at my boyfriend's house had stayed overnight, and I left him (long story). So the guy at work and I started talking a little more - on the phone, email, etc. We have crazy sexual chemistry and we've had sex twice. This girl that he dates on and off also works in the same building as we do, on yet another floor. I have heard they are still together, but he says they are not. I'm not sure what to believe as rumors will always circulate in a place as big as where we work. He says what she'll do is break up with him, so he assumes they're "off", but then she comes back as if nothing were wrong. In essence, she is not his girlfriend but he is her boyfriend (if that makes sense.) He wants to put space between the two of them because he says that while his feelings for her are vague, she still likes him, and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by having her see us together at work. On the day I heard they are still together, I called him to ask him once and for all if it was true, but she called him on the other line before I could ask, to say she was going back to her (apparently psycho) ex-husband and buying a house with him. According to him, she said since he was never going to love her she might as well make her kids happy. He also told me that I was misinformed about them being together. Since she told him about going back with her ex, he still seems to be keeping it cool with her. He also admitted that maybe he didn't want her to know about us so that that door would still be open in case things didn't work out with us. I know that sounds shady but I can understand that. I don't intend to tell my ex about the new guy either, in case we ever decide to work things out.

 

The new guy and I never set parameters for this thing we have, and I don't know what our status is. We've only been on one date and the other times I've seen him have been at his house when we ended up having sex. I rarely see him at work. I have told him I don't want to be the "other woman" and I am adamant that he not date us both at the same time cause I'm not comfortable with it (especially since we all work in the same place.) He keeps saying he just wants to cool it with us and take things slow so that the other girl won't be bugged about him dating someone new.

 

On the one hand, I can understand his interest in not wanting her feelings to be hurt, but on the other hand, does it sound like he's just trying to play me? Or is there a chance he might really be interested in me for more than sex? I think he feels I throw drama at him when I talk to him about the other girl. It's not that; I just refuse to compete with someone else. I'd rather not get involved with someone if they're attached to someone else.

 

Here's another element I'll throw in - though I think this guy is pretty hot, intelligent, and fun to have sex with, I'm not even sure if I'm all that interested in him. (I think I have allowed all this drama about the other girl to mentally exhausted me and it's getting old, so I'm feeling jaded by it.) A friend said that my problem has to do with wanting something you can't have, with being kept at an arm's length and not liking it. What do you think? Any advice is appreciated, sorry for the long post.

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befuddled11
Or is there a chance he might really be interested in me for more than sex?

 

Yeah, a really really really really REALLY remote chance. You've been too easy and available. You were willing to have sex with a guy who'd been SUPPOSEDLY "dating on and off", a girl that works in your same building. Not too bright.

 

Him wanting to "take things cool" because he supposedly doesn't want to hurt her feelings is all a crock of BS. He's still involved with her, period. If they were truly "done", he wouldn't want to hide his ?relationship (or whatever it is) with you.

 

This stuff about her going back to her ex hubby..that's what HE told you, that doesn't mean it's in any way TRUE.

 

You're his booty call, and nothing more, it appears to me.

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sounds like you already know your own answers here:

 

 

he didn't want her to know about us so that that door would still be open in case things didn't work out with us.

 

We've only been on one date and the other times I've seen him have been at his house when we ended up having sex.

 

He keeps saying he just wants to cool it with us and take things slow so that the other girl won't be bugged about him dating someone new.

 

though I think this guy is pretty hot, intelligent, and fun to have sex with, I'm not even sure if I'm all that interested in him.

 

You're both looking for a bit of attention and ego-massage after being messed about in previous relationships, if you're cool with that then carry on.

 

I think there's a lot to be said for taking a break between relationships and putting yourself back together first before getting involved again.

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