JB93 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) This is going to be an in depth assignment. Please if you can just give me your opinion- know anyone like this, or can direct me to a psychologist/therapist- id greatly appreciate it. Background: GF and I broke up 3 weeks ago. Dated for 2 years. Right now, we are talking again, going out camping this weekend. We aren't back to being official, but just "dating." Reason for breakup: She had interest in a guy at work, and she ended up on a few dates with him and made out with him... Now I know what you are thinking- why are you taking her back??? She said she made a mistake and wants to get back together with me, and wants to show me this weekend how much I mean to her. (again- i think its bull****) Now here is the situation: I am a very insecure/jealous guy. Call me a beta male. However- I HAVE improved some over the past few years, and I make sure to not show my jealousy. I try to fake my confidence to not show that weak side of myself to the girls. However, at the end of the day, I am the "nice guy" that gets hurt. A WEIRD fact about me: I have this CRAZY sexual fantasy: Similar to cuckolding. I ONLY realized this about a month ago when I looked it up (I thought I was just mentally retarded to have this fantasy, but apparently its common). The idea of another MAN who is bigger and better, banging my gf is a TURN ON. But heres the thing, it makes me SUPER jealous and insecure at the same time. It gets my hormones and heart racing. So its a double edged sword- i get turned on, but it also makes me pissed and causes me to become insecure and jealous... So back to the original story- I am going to be seeing my gf/ex-gf. I love her so much, and dont wanna leave her. I love having sex with her, and don't want to lose that. I have 2 options: I keep her around: This means I will still get sex from her. However, it will kill me when I am not with her all the time b/c I know shell be texting and talking to this recent crush of hers. Then my mind will start thinking about how they made out. Then my mind leads me to thinking about them having sex and her cheating on me. (again- insecurities). I dump her: This means no more sex for me. She will talk to that guy and now feel even more comfortable knowing she is free, and start having sex with him in the next few weeks or months. This would ABSOLUTELY kill me emotionally. It makes me sick to my stomach... Its a lose-lose situation for me it seems, and a win-win situation for her. Mainly because she has less invested in all of this than I do. Another side note- call me messed up- but when I am jerking it, guess what I am thinking about? my gf/exgf having sex with this new guy. It gives me the best orgasm- but afterwards- i feel like total ****. Jealous, insecure, lonely, hopeless, pathetic.... This will keep my mind on her, making it IMPOSSIBLE to get over her. This is why I am also afraid of No Contact, b/c although I may be able to forget her at times, when I masturbate- she will come up in my mind- keep my brain fresh for thoughts of her, delaying the healing process of NC... which is time... sorry for the long post- but this is EVERYTHING off my chest- Never knew how to word it in one long post. Please tell me what you think- i know its messed up, but its me. :/ Edited September 2, 2011 by JB93 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JB93 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 no one? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 I am 100% sure I posted on your breakup thread about this Link to post Share on other sites
luvstrak Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 This is going to be an in depth assignment. Please if you can just give me your opinion- know anyone like this, or can direct me to a psychologist/therapist- id greatly appreciate it. Background: GF and I broke up 3 weeks ago. Dated for 2 years. Right now, we are talking again, going out camping this weekend. We aren't back to being official, but just "dating." Reason for breakup: She had interest in a guy at work, and she ended up on a few dates with him and made out with him... Now I know what you are thinking- why are you taking her back??? She said she made a mistake and wants to get back together with me, and wants to show me this weekend how much I mean to her. (again- i think its bull****) Now here is the situation: I am a very insecure/jealous guy. Call me a beta male. However- I HAVE improved some over the past few years, and I make sure to not show my jealousy. I try to fake my confidence to not show that weak side of myself to the girls. However, at the end of the day, I am the "nice guy" that gets hurt. A WEIRD fact about me: I have this CRAZY sexual fantasy: Similar to cuckolding. I ONLY realized this about a month ago when I looked it up (I thought I was just mentally retarded to have this fantasy, but apparently its common). The idea of another MAN who is bigger and better, banging my gf is a TURN ON. But heres the thing, it makes me SUPER jealous and insecure at the same time. It gets my hormones and heart racing. So its a double edged sword- i get turned on, but it also makes me pissed and causes me to become insecure and jealous... So back to the original story- I am going to be seeing my gf/ex-gf. I love her so much, and dont wanna leave her. I love having sex with her, and don't want to lose that. I have 2 options: I keep her around: This means I will still get sex from her. However, it will kill me when I am not with her all the time b/c I know shell be texting and talking to this recent crush of hers. Then my mind will start thinking about how they made out. Then my mind leads me to thinking about them having sex and her cheating on me. (again- insecurities). I dump her: This means no more sex for me. She will talk to that guy and now feel even more comfortable knowing she is free, and start having sex with him in the next few weeks or months. This would ABSOLUTELY kill me emotionally. It makes me sick to my stomach... Its a lose-lose situation for me it seems, and a win-win situation for her. Mainly because she has less invested in all of this than I do. Another side note- call me messed up- but when I am jerking it, guess what I am thinking about? my gf/exgf having sex with this new guy. It gives me the best orgasm- but afterwards- i feel like total ****. Jealous, insecure, lonely, hopeless, pathetic.... This will keep my mind on her, making it IMPOSSIBLE to get over her. This is why I am also afraid of No Contact, b/c although I may be able to forget her at times, when I masturbate- she will come up in my mind- keep my brain fresh for thoughts of her, delaying the healing process of NC... which is time... sorry for the long post- but this is EVERYTHING off my chest- Never knew how to word it in one long post. Please tell me what you think- i know its messed up, but its me. :/ first off u seem to be a man of so low esteem. u need to get out more n meet more women, have more sex with differnt women, experience new ****. that way whatever ur gal is capable of doing you can do beter! its not actually cheating since you are not official jus yet so make it a point to visit one of them stripper clubs at the corner and get laid as much as possible. DO UNTO THEM AS THEY DO UNTO YOU!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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