What do I want? (cont'd)And some musings on the "spark"

[Isobel]

It sounds like there might still be unfinished business here.

 

Well, there is, but it's on my end, and there's nothing I can do about it, since he considers this whole thing to be over already. I've come to realize that I really do wish I could have another chance with him, but he told me that he never did feel that "spark" with me emotionally that men place so much importance in. I've found that with most guys, if they don't feel that "spark" with a girl almost right away, he considers you a total write-off forever, where a romantic relationship is concerned. So I'm just going to have to live with it, I suppose, and wait for the pain to fade away. Oh yeah, and never make the same mistake ever again!

[Tony T]

Well, don't feel alone. I am a guy and I've fallen for many girls who didn't find a spark for me right away. Oh, maybe they gave me a little time. There has to be an attraction of some sort for that spark to happen.

 

But I will tell you, maybe the gals gave it a bit more time just to be nice, but I think a girl know a whole lot quicker than a guy if a guy is going to be an emotional keeper for him.

 

I will also say that it is possible somewhere along the line for a guy's feelings to grow into spark category. I don't think that is quite as true for a girl. In most cases, I have found that if a girl has pidgeon-holed me as a buddy, friend, or just a no-go, I am pretty much barred from her romantic life forever more.

 

I have found there are very short windows of opportunity for women who have written me off romantically. Depending on their moods and what has happened in their life, they may open the window just a little bit for a very short time. If the guy doesn't realize the opportunity if there to take the relationship to the next level, the lady quickly shuts it. Boom!!!

 

So this isn't just a guy thing. Women are just as prone to demanding that spark as men.

[Deejette]

Sparks sometimes can develop but the person has to be open to allowing them. I remember being put off by the prettiness of one of my most wonderful lovers. His skin was so soft and smoothe, his eyelashes long and curly over big blue eyes, nose small and dainty. I felt it would be like being with a girl to get close to him physically. But when I got to know him, I put aside my reservations and distaste and am I ever glad I did.

 

I think going beneath the surface of the spark comes with maturity. Immature people only go by the spark. Many of my mature friends have confided in me that they were not initially attracted to their husbands, but it happened after they really got to know them.

Well, don't feel alone. I am a guy and I've fallen for many girls who didn't find a spark for me right away. Oh, maybe they gave me a little time. There has to be an attraction of some sort for that spark to happen. But I will tell you, maybe the gals gave it a bit more time just to be nice, but I think a girl know a whole lot quicker than a guy if a guy is going to be an emotional keeper for him.

 

I will also say that it is possible somewhere along the line for a guy's feelings to grow into spark category. I don't think that is quite as true for a girl. In most cases, I have found that if a girl has pidgeon-holed me as a buddy, friend, or just a no-go, I am pretty much barred from her romantic life forever more. I have found there are very short windows of opportunity for women who have written me off romantically. Depending on their moods and what has happened in their life, they may open the window just a little bit for a very short time. If the guy doesn't realize the opportunity if there to take the relationship to the next level, the lady quickly shuts it. Boom!!! So this isn't just a guy thing. Women are just as prone to demanding that spark as men.

 

[Rifka]

-it sounds like there may be unfinished business here.

 

There is...for me..

 

Are you sure you are satisfied by the way in which he broke off, or do you need better closer? It sounds to me like you also want proper closer with the guy. I don't know if it would be possible for the two of you to sit down at a public place to talk about what the relationship meant for both of you, ect. and why it had to end. You run the risk of him not being interested in doing this, as you mentioned that he already considers it over.

[Isobel]

Are you sure you are satisfied by the way in which he broke off, or do you need better closer? It sounds to me like you also want proper closer with the guy.

No, I'm not satisfied with it, but I can't think of anything more he could say to me that's going to make me feel better, short of him saying he wants to give it another shot. And I think it's pretty clear he doesn't want to do that.

I don't know if it would be possible for the two of you to sit down at a public place to talk about what the relationship meant for both of you, ect. and why it had to end. You run the risk of him not being interested in doing this, as you mentioned that he already considers it over.

We already talked about that. He still cares for me, but he's not in love with me. I personally think the potential still exists between us, but right now he's focused on this other woman. I have to just accept that and try to move on. Who knows, in a couple months our positions could be reversed; I could be the one pursuing a new relationship, and he could be the one wishing we had another chance. Wouldn't that be sad, though? That's why this whole thing is giving me so much grief.