Am I Not Attractive Enough For Her?

[Shaw86]

Do you think I am ugly? I would like to know because I just got engaged to a really beautiful woman who is four years older than me. I would love to post a picture of her on here but I don’t think she would want me to so just picture a really beautiful woman with long blonde hair, mesmerising blue eyes that used to be a model. I’m worried I’m not attractive and that bothers me because I really love her.

 

She’s the first girlfriend I’ve had since I was sixteen when my soul mate of eleven years passed away. I went through years of depression. I became an alcoholic and was addicted to cocaine. I had trouble moving on because I still loved her and the next girl I loved who became my best friend was a lesbian and she passed away too. I got together with Mandy not long after that. I just don’t want my looks to ever become a problem in our relationship and part of me worries that she only loves me because she feels sorry for me but I’m hoping that part is wrong.

 

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[Llakdknek]

Have you talked to her about it?

 

Not knowing the person, I would still think it's fairly safe to say that someone wouldn't consider entering into marriage because they felt sorry for the other person, though it depends upon their views about marriage. I think that you have a poor self image and should consider talking to a professional about it. These feelings will ultimately impact your relationship in a negative way and may even cause you to make some ill-informed decisions down the road based upon a false premise (i.e., that you're not good enough for her). Furthermore, correlation is not causation. You've encountered some bad things in life, but you aren't to blame for all of them. You should be accountable for your own actions, but not make yourself accountable for things that you have no control over.

[Shaw86]

Thanks for the reply. I haven’t talked to Mandy about this and I probably should because I don’t want it to affect our relationship in the future. She is aware of my low self esteem issues and she says they are caused by my past so she understands them. When I’m with her though and I look into her eyes they all disappear. She makes me feel strong and I feel like I could do anything with her by my side.

 

I know I am not to blame for Jessica passing away but nobody was there for me when she did and my so-called friends blamed me because her father was driving her to my house when they were in a car accident. For years I’ve had to handle everything on my own and nobody was there for me when my next best friend (Rachel) passed away either. A lot of people just expected me to get over everything (including my own parents) and I couldn’t for a long time.

 

Mandy is there for me though and I'm there for her when she needs me too. I really need to sort out these issues because I have an amazing woman with me now that loves me and wants to marry me. I don't want to mess things up. I am going to talk to a professional about this.

Edited September 2, 2011 by Shaw86