during the morning...

[Dblock10]

how depressing is this. but also, really strange and what are the chances of this particular song coming on....

 

so, after the day together we go to hers, drink some wine, talk a bit of chit chat, then turn lights out to go to sleep. I bring us up and let her know my feelings and wanting it to work whilst she travels. unfortunately she didnt want to stay together and wanted to end on good terms.

 

anyway in the morning her alarm went off at 8am and it plays what ever is on the radio. and this tune came on, right from the start, no radio dj introducing it, just straight from the start...

 

 

listen

 

[antinko]

Sucks, but you're being sentimental mate. If anything, it shows how frequently this ****ty situation of not wanting to let go of the person who dumped you is in the world...

[Dblock10]

yeah i am man i am. im not massively down. but im trying to block it in my mind that its happened although, i have accepted its happened. i know i need and want to move on. im sure life has better things in store.

 

i am glad i got to meet this girl and share those 7 months with her. it gave me hope that there was nice girls out there as my first ex really messed me up.

 

i am sad that its gone now. dont know when it will return. ive been single for 3 years in a row before i met this one (flings here and there between) but i guess i can do it again.

 

yeah you are right it does show how often ****ty things like this come around. its not like she proper dumped me though. its like we mutually agreed it to start with, then i wasnt happy with it, but she was so thats the way it ended up

[antinko]

I can't remember how old you are (unsure if you even said) but you sound similar in age to me (I'm 25).

 

It doesn't matter if you go a few years between relationships - it indicates that you value them.

 

You never know, the girl might come back in a few years but I wouldn't hold your breath. I have friends who split up because their significant others went off traveling.

[Dblock10]

i am 24 matey, a young 24! (:

 

Thats true actually, i like that. its right, i do value them.. never thought of it that way, i hope girls see it that way :S lol.

 

oh really? any winners if you catch my drift? thats right, don't hold your breath.

you cannot change the past, and cannot know the future.

 

i just hope i am doing the right thing with nc... if she wanted to meet me before she leaves i told her she knew where i was. maybe i'll hear from her before she leaves but isnt looking likely now. kinda confuses me i hope she doesnt think i dont care about her :S I can see her thinking "well he hasnt contacted me, so probably doesnt even care". maybe i'll hear from her during the travels? who knows. am i being stubborn not contacting her? if i did i wouldn't be all "please come back" as i know it cannot be that way. she is leaving! so kinda feel like i have nothing to say to her... maybe ill email her once she has been away for a bit.

 

my uncle told me how his ex left to travel, and she didnt seem fussed about him much before she left but whilst she was out there she rang him a few times. but he got bored of waiting and actually met someone else, he said he kinda felt a bit guilty for moving on so quick lol. either way, this girl who left him, got pregnant in oz and had an abortion. but when she got back, soon as he was single she was on his case. but because he knew what had happened, he left her well alone.

Edited September 2, 2011 by Dblock10

[antinko]

Young 24? 24 is young as am I; although, I am 26 next Friday. I won't consider myself remotely 'aged' until I'm way past 50 though. 30 is the new 20 apparently...

 

In regard to my friends who were ditched by travelers...well actually, in almost all their cases, the travelers didn't send any post cards... I'll just leave it at that. But all those who were 'dumped' in favour of traveling did find decent relationships afterwards...and they look like they were better ones.

 

But yeh, stick to your guns and don't worry: it's not a race.

[Dblock10]

Young 24? 24 is young as am I; although, I am 26 next Friday. I won't consider myself remotely 'aged' until I'm way past 50 though. 30 is the new 20 apparently...

 

In regard to my friends who were ditched by travelers...well actually, in almost all their cases, the travelers didn't send any post cards... I'll just leave it at that. But all those who were 'dumped' in favour of traveling did find decent relationships afterwards...and they look like they were better ones.

 

But yeh, stick to your guns and don't worry: it's not a race.

 

next friday! awesome man. yeah well if you look young its all good. i get told i could pass for 20..

 

haha yeah i found it flew once past 21.. gulp.

 

any of your friends with the travellers for a long period of time? but yeah, sounds about right! anyway, when im through with uni, i too am going travelling, and no doubt she will have to settle into a career. but this is water under the bridge. i'm sure she will do well with what ever she wants. she seems very smart. attractive. a good catch.

 

my nan used to say good things come to those who wait (:

Edited September 3, 2011 by Dblock10

[antinko]

There is something to be said for patience, yes. But don't make the mistake of being passive: good things come to those (proactive people) who wait.

[Dblock10]

how do you mean by that? do you mean in terms of not being passive with this ex i.e try? or do you mean, be proactive in terms of moving forward and letting this one do what shes got to do

[antinko]

I mean that you should move forward but don't 'wait' for things to happen to you. You have to make things happen for yourself, but I think you know that.

[Dblock10]

if you mean in terms of meeting new women i think i know what you mean, if you mean in terms of this ex, i am a little unsure.

 

 

had another dream about the ex. was very strange, but involved me talking to her, cant remember the content. think its my brain wanting to talk to her

[visualbasicide]

I have found that if you either A: obsess over it alot or B: avoid it, it will probably play out in your dreams, your mind will make you deal with it one way or another, it's normal.

 

Proactive...pushing forward with your life, expecting that no matter what happens, it will be, in the long run, for the best.

[antinko]

No, don't be proactive with your ex: stay NC. She's history or should be...

 

I know it's tough, but it is for the best. When I think of my ex and the way I miss her, I just have to be tough with myself because I'm giving her too much concern. Hell, even when I think about the bad things, that's giving her too much thought too: i just have to act like she's dead to me. Keeps me sane.

[visualbasicide]

Sanity is over rated.

 

Kidding. I pretty much do the exact same thing. I do allow myself to dwell for a little bit and acknowledge what I'm feeling and then I have to take hold of myself and focus on something else. The only way to get past something is to accept it, especially if it isn't something you like.

 

Get a hobby, it help's. When your mind starts to wander, work on your hobby. I mean something simple you can do in your house, I don't mean frisbee golf in the living room or anything. I grabbed a guitar myself, read everything about everything about it, wrote up my own list of what to learn and started practicing. Now when I start to lose focus on things, I just take a break, grab it and practice. Gives me something productive to do and takes my mind off of whatever I was thinking about.

[Dblock10]

so hard. was listening to some songs that we heard at a festival earlier this year, was the last sort of good thing we did together whilst we were together.

 

im really missing her. was making me want to talk to her.

 

she is with her guy best mate this weekend to the best of my knowledge...

 

it makes me angry that i invested so much time and energy and love, care etc into her in those 7 months. and now its all taken away from me because she decided to break up with me so that she doesnt have any stresses whilst she travels and i feel bad for mutually putting that idea into her head. .

 

just seems more like she didnt want to or could be bothered with me anymore.

 

this hurts so much. just want to reach out and have a go at her tell her, i think its sad how she can just move on like that and not think twice, not think about my feelings in all this. and tell her about my nan etc.

 

but seems to late to bother with now. and she is leaving in 21 days.

 

i feel like i am the only bitter person out of people i know, about when it comes to exs and keeping in contact.

 

maybe going nc wasnt the best idea.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Dblock10

[antinko]

so hard. was listening to some songs that we heard at a festival earlier this year, was the last sort of good thing we did together whilst we were together.

 

im really missing her. was making me want to talk to her.

 

she is with her guy best mate this weekend to the best of my knowledge...

 

it makes me angry that i invested so much time and energy and love, care etc into her in those 7 months. and now its all taken away from me because she decided to break up with me so that she doesnt have any stresses whilst she travels and i feel bad for mutually putting that idea into her head. .

 

just seems more like she didnt want to or could be bothered with me anymore.

 

this hurts so much. just want to reach out and have a go at her tell her, i think its sad how she can just move on like that and not think twice, not think about my feelings in all this. and tell her about my nan etc.

 

but seems to late to bother with now. and she is leaving in 21 days.

 

i feel like i am the only bitter person out of people i know, about when it comes to exs and keeping in contact.

 

maybe going nc wasnt the best idea.

 

Don't torture yourself with sentimentality. I know what you're doing; I did it myself...and it just hurts.

 

Your girlfriend cared for you, but she would have prepared herself for break up from the beginning because, as you know, the traveling was always on the agenda. It's not you: it's the fact that she is going traveling and she wants to enjoy it. In her mind, she probably thinks that it's better being single because it means she can enjoy the traveling without missing her partner...

 

I know it sucks. I really wish it wasn't this way for you. In fact, I wish everyone who's been hurt had what they wanted...including me. But it doesn't work like that.

 

I think, at best, you can go for 'friends', but then you'll forever be a friend and personally, I can't handle that. I know I can't be friends with my ex because I cared too much.

 

Honestly, I think NC is probably for the best if you feel that you'll never be able to accept just being friends. It really is difficult and still has challenges even when you think it's become easier, but it's worth it.

[Dblock10]

thanks for reply,

 

Well heres the thing... yeah she prepared herself for the break up long ago, and of course almost stopped herself getting too close to me..

 

if she wanted to enjoy the travel without missing me etc, then why did she break up with me 4 weeks ago today, knowing she goes in 20 days from now....:S Its like her reasons weren't good enough, as we still had a long time before she leaves, and she didn't want to make the most of it before she goes. which seems quite cold.

 

Yeah i could go for friends. I don't want to be her friend though and know she is getting with other people. Im not sure if i would forever be a friend. more just that we are "in contact"

 

now that its been 4 weeks NC, i can step back and look at the situation better. But in a way its made it worse for me, because, well its been 4 weeks of nothing... how and why would she want that? like if her reasons for breaking up were because of the travelling and that we would just argue, then why didnt she want to make the most of it before she goes?

 

I felt like txting her and just being like,hey, how you doing etc.. i guess we don't talk anymore? or i guess you don't talk to me these days?

 

 

I am starting to think based on the fact it was 2 months before she leaves and i barely saw her for july, the chances of seeing her again are very remote, if not non existent. apart from photos on face book. and then having to deal with the day that she gets a bf.

 

 

seems to me, that if i dont speak to her now, none of this will matter.

 

on the other hand, i dont want to regret saying stuff to her and then feeling like i can never talk to her again, like my first ex. but then i think well i wont see her again now so why does it matter? i dont want to stay no contact and beleive i can contact her down the line and everything will be hunky dory. she would have moved on.

 

i need to initiate contact again.

 

Edited September 4, 2011 by Dblock10

[antinko]

It's your call, but don't blame us if you come back upset because she didn't reply or you didn't get the response you wanted and we say "Well, we told you so..."

 

I don't mean to sound cold because I don't intend that: I'm just saying that there's a distinct possibility it won't be a good thing for you to touch base with her.

 

You have my best wishes, though.

[Dblock10]

yeah i get you bud, i understand.

 

but i know you guys will always be here anyways. i don't know what response i would get tbh, and if i didn't get one, id delete her from my fb and stick with nc and move on.

 

this is so difficult. trying to sort my head out here. but finding it very hard. very hard to know what to do. or continue doing