We live together, how to deal with logistics?

[molly]

I posted this question before but it was buried in another thread and I didn't get much response. At any rate, my ex of one month and I are both on the lease for the house we shared up until recently. My question is, since he is the one who initiated the breakup and moved out (I offered to let him stay here "as housemates"), how much do I expect from him in terms of finances and house maintenance. I just spoke with our landlord about getting out of the lease early and he said that would be fine so long as we get the house in top condition and don't bail on any money we owe. My ex has contributed a mere fraction of total expenses in recent months (yet he has money to blow on CDs, guitar-related items, beer, etc). SO...what's the etiquette here? Do I not expect him to contribute financially or help with the house clean up (there are a few minor repairs to be made) just because he moved out a month ago? Or is it still his responsibility to live up to the obligations we BOTH signed on for? The other twist is that after a string of seriously disturbing emails from him recently I have established NO contact. I even made it a point not to be here when he came to pick up his things (he conveniently left several items here), and I know this bothered him because of a follow up email in which he expressed his disappointment. But I refuse to chase after him or have some ugly confrontation where I cry, he yells and feels triumphant, and I'm left even needier and more desperate than before. I miss him but no contact seems to be helping me feel stronger and move on...not to mention I don't think I can properly work through all the stages of grief while having sporadic communication with the very source of my grief! At any rate, I know this is long-winded, but any advice would be appreciated. I just don't want to act impulsively. I'm angry with him for essentially walking out on his responsibilities but at the same time I don't want to act on a strong feeling now that I might regret later (like sending him a hateful email telling him he better help out "or else"). Also, I don't want to make him help with the clean up and finances out of revenge because he broke my heart. I'm not sure I trust my own motives right now. Actually, I do think its his responsibility but I'm also honest enough to admit that a part of me wants to see him suffer. UGGGH. Thanks for reading and responding.

[bluechocolate]

If you and your ex are both signatories on the lease then you are both individually responsible for the full amount (that at least is my understanding). If he bails and you're living there then unfortunately you're left holding the can. The right thing for him to do is to continue paying half the lease until you get out of there, but people don't always do the right thing.

 

As to living expenses, well I don't see that he has any obligation to pay those ( presumabley gas, water, electricity, etc. ) if he's not living there. After all he isn't consuming any of those services. As regards bills for final clean up and repairs, again, the right thing for him to do would be to share those expenses, at the very least on a pro-rata basis. However, as you're still living there the landlord has no legal obligation to pursue your ex for any outstanding amounts - the burden falls on you.

 

If you really wanted to to pursue him for monies owed to you then you would have a good case to take to a small claims court. Document all the expenses fully and mail him the list. Tell him it is your intention to take him to small claims court to recover those expenses and give him a deadline. You could at least look into the possibility of going this route. There must be info on a website somewhere.

 

I don't know how much it costs to lodge a claim in a small claims court and if you're not talking about a huge amount of money I would say that your best bet is to get the place fixed up, get out of the lease and chalk it up to experience.