Resentment

[wannabdone]

first step in dealing with it is to realize that you are with someone elses husband, open marriage or not, and you have no basis to resent anything.

 

 

I disagree. Resentment is a feeling, that can be based off of anything you choose. I can resent things people say to me. Do they have the right to speak their minds? Absolutely. Its a free country, freedom of speech is somewhat still alive. But, just as they have the right to speak their minds to me, I have the right to resent them or not for the statements made.

 

Not one of us are not guilty of doing something that we know we probably have shouldn't. Looking at truckergirls situation, I think "how in gods green earth could someone get sucked into that", but then again i'm sure many people (me included) look at mine and think the same thing.

 

The very definition of resentment shows she holds the right to feel in that manner: Indignation or ill will felt as a result of a real or imagined grievance.

 

Maybe you or I would feel another way, however they are her feelings, and she holds that right.

[truckersgirl]

I'm sorry, I think that wasn't called for here. We can disagree with what is going on with the children, but come on. There is no cause to be so judgemental. Not necessary at all.

 

I have voiced my disagreement for what is going on with these children. But, also she is going through something and it hurts.

 

 

Hi there and thanks, I have always felt that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

[truckersgirl]

first step in dealing with it is to realize that you are with someone elses husband, open marriage or not, and you have no basis to resent anything.

 

 

Wow, and are you the other man or the other woman in your relationship?

Edited September 13, 2011 by truckersgirl
missed word

[fooled once]

How was the weekend?

 

How was your first day at your new job?

[truckersgirl]

SG.... Pissed I posted something? Or the WIB? Agree with me?

 

Sorry, just wanted to clarify I hadn't pissed someone off.

 

 

Hey Trucker girl.... I'm sorry that their are people who have to be so rude and hateful. Disagreements are okay, but down right rudeness is total horse s***. That was unnecessarily cruel.

 

How are you doing today?

 

Well thanks for defending me, that was rude, very rude, ya know disagreements are okay, and of course there is the whole freedom of speech thing, but to stereotype like that person did is bull****.

 

I'm doing okay, new job is awesome and ha a great day...the weekend wasn't so hot, but that's okay it will get better. He and I did talk and i told him that I can't and won't do this anymore. I miss him, and will for a while but it will get better....Thanks for having my back

[truckersgirl]

How was the weekend?

 

How was your first day at your new job?

 

The weekend was hard, we had it out on Saturday ...he is not happy and sent me my favorite flowers to the office and the job is awesome!!!!! thanks for asking ........spent the weekend doing a lot of crying till I cried myself to sleep ...but it is going to be okay .......

[wannabdone]

Hi there and thanks, I have always felt that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

 

Honey.... we ALL in some way live in glass houses. There is not one of us who does not or has not done the "wrong" thing. We are all human. PERIOD.

 

I completely agree, freedom of speech is still in tact. But, just as they have freedom of speech, so do I, and I can tell them they are FOS. And hateful.

You came here fully aware there would be disagreements. Talking through things, disagreements is how we work through things. People bring to light what they see, you think about it and take things away from it. But I can not stand people who are just rude, especially when people are hurting. I don't care if we all knew what we were getting into, we still get hurt, and it doesn't make the hurt any less. And it doesn't mean that you don't need a shoulder from time to time, and that your not learning from your mistakes. What seperates us from the "bad" people is we learn and try to overcome and be better.

 

So what did you talk about again?

[NoIDidn't]

I've read plenty of polyamory/polygamy boards. They call this "resentment" (and possibly a little jealousy) you mention "poly-agony".

 

The power in this relationship is truly unbalanced. She is asserting her power over him and by extension you by leaving you guys little time to actually be alone. Its clear that their marriage was opened for her convenience moreso than for his.

 

What's not helping is him telling you he wants to leave, but still bowing to her demands that leave you two without any alone time. The point of the "open" in open marriage is that their is open communication and you should be a part of that communication. But it seems like it would be really awkward to tell a W that you want more alone time with her H. Yet, that might be what you have to do. Its an open marriage, I think you should have that right.

 

There are actually quite a few posters here that are in open marriages. They might be able to help you find the words to ask for what you want.

[wannabdone]

Neither, and never will be. thats the point. you have no basis for resentment since you knew he was married.

 

 

Again, I respectfully disagree. The very definition of resentment, shows other wise. Ppl have every right to feel as they want, whether they knew it was harmful for them or not. Just as ppl have every right to post their opinions on this forum. You can't tell someone that they don't hold the right to have their own personal feelings about something.

 

And I think that unless you have been through what anyone has, we can't even begin to understand. Just as I had posted earlier....ppl look at my story and think "WTF", as I look back on it and think that myself. I don't fully understand why truckergirl would go for this situation, but I know she did, and she is feeling pain, and I find it better to help ppl get through that and look at the situation as a whole, without the rose tinted glasses, rather than just put such a b/w answer of how they should or should not feel. I guess its just the old saying "never judge a man, till you've walked in his shoes". I see how someone who hasn't been a OW/OM could never have the understanding of why someone who do such stupid things. But, we all do stupid things, whether its having an affair, or gossiping about someone, or telling a lie, what have you. We are all just imperfect humans. Imperfect humans that live in a world, Thank God, that we have the right to feel the way we want.

[wannabdone]

unless she didn't know he was married and he lied to her about his marital status, then I'd agree.

 

 

so, correct me if i'm wrong, but what you are saying is that if we do anything and we know we probably shouldn't do it, then we have no right to feel bad, or sad, or resentful towards it?

 

Thats a big statement if that is what you mean. Because i'm pretty sure we all do things that we shouldn't and "we knew better".

[truckersgirl]

Well, I think we ran Memphis Raines off, was looking for the post you guys are quoting frim this person and they are no where to be found. So, I really appreciate you guys for sticking up for me with this judgmental post. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and i asked for help and opinions, however, regardless of the situation, the outcome or what had been going on, bottom line is this I do miss him terribly, we were friends before we became lovers and unlike some people my feeingls are not turned on and off like a water faucet. Thank god for my new job, it i going absolutely wonderful and so frim 7 to 5 I don't think about him much, it is now, at night that I start too.......but I know I have made the right decision, it jut doesn't feel like it right now....

[wannabdone]

Well, I think we ran Memphis Raines off, was looking for the post you guys are quoting frim this person and they are no where to be found. So, I really appreciate you guys for sticking up for me with this judgmental post. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and i asked for help and opinions, however, regardless of the situation, the outcome or what had been going on, bottom line is this I do miss him terribly, we were friends before we became lovers and unlike some people my feeingls are not turned on and off like a water faucet. Thank god for my new job, it i going absolutely wonderful and so frim 7 to 5 I don't think about him much, it is now, at night that I start too.......but I know I have made the right decision, it jut doesn't feel like it right now....

 

 

I'm glad your job is going well. And I'm sorry you are hurting. I completely understand.

 

People have the right to judge, they have a right to get on a open forum to say as they please, I just reserve the right to call them on their horse s***. I often wonder about people like that. Do they just log onto forums and post judgmental posts because they have nothing better to do???? Whether I agree or disagree with someone. Their feelings are always valid. Absolutely none of us are with out sin or issues. I just don't understand to be so unkind.

 

I know that I am far from perfect. FAR. I know that sometimes my words come across harsh, but I promise when I am saying them, i'm not judging someone. I am wanting try to help them wake up and smell the coffee. Just like people have done with me.

 

I'm sorry you have had a couple of ppl on her who have been so hateful. Just not necessary. Sad thing is, if someone has a valid point, they lose the meaning when they say something hateful.

IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF!!!!

 

So.... your job is going good? Have you spoke to him? What all are you going through/feeling? This is about YOU.

[truckersgirl]

I'm glad your job is going well. And I'm sorry you are hurting. I completely understand.

 

People have the right to judge, they have a right to get on a open forum to say as they please, I just reserve the right to call them on their horse s***. I often wonder about people like that. Do they just log onto forums and post judgmental posts because they have nothing better to do???? Whether I agree or disagree with someone. Their feelings are always valid. Absolutely none of us are with out sin or issues. I just don't understand to be so unkind.

 

I know that I am far from perfect. FAR. I know that sometimes my words come across harsh, but I promise when I am saying them, i'm not judging someone. I am wanting try to help them wake up and smell the coffee. Just like people have done with me.

 

I'm sorry you have had a couple of ppl on her who have been so hateful. Just not necessary. Sad thing is, if someone has a valid point, they lose the meaning when they say something hateful.

IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF!!!!

 

So.... your job is going good? Have you spoke to him? What all are you going through/feeling? This is about YOU.

 

Like I said when I first posted on here I knew there was going to be people who judge others and that is okay, maybe I deserve it, maybe not. Just thank you again for the advice and everything else.

 

The new job is awesome, so glad to have re started my career in a profession I love and one I was very good and successful at. It has been going well, and looks like it will continue, it is great getting back into the business world again....

 

Yes, we have talked on the phone, he says he loves me and that the only thing from stopping himself from 'falling head over heels in love with me" is the kids, he can't leave the kids. Part of it is I think he is so afraid f losing the kids, and he loves his kids, whether the life style they re living or not is healthy for them, he does truly love them. He misses me and wishes we were together but like I said to him, what our relationship was or wasn't, it was actually worse then carrying on a secret affair. In a secret affair you know you are only going to see each other at certain times but at least those times are alone with each other. He wants to see me when he gets into town this weekend, but I told him no, I need a break and all it is going to do is prolong the inevitable and I don't know how much more my heart can take. So, I am going to pick up the pieces and try and just concentrate on work and take it all one day at a time

[Severely Unamused]

Well, I think we ran Memphis Raines off

I think Tony ran him off.

 

I'm sorry you have had a couple of ppl on her who have been so hateful. Just not necessary. Sad thing is, if someone has a valid point, they lose the meaning when they say something hateful.

IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF!!!!

Yes. People can be jerks. While it is true that a lot people talk out of hurt, like you said, many of them have very valid points.

 

What I recommend, is that you remove the more emotional aspects out of their posts, and get to the more constructive stuff.

 

^ Or you could just ignore them completely.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Severely Unamused
Missing a few brain cells.

[truckersgirl]

Okay, it is Saturday night, and I sit here feeling like dog ****, he is home this weekend and is going to be switching jobs so he is gonna be long haul, out 14-21 days, which is going to be good because even if I wanted to see him I won't be able too We have talked on the phone a number of times and I know i need to quit doing that as well, because it is tearing me up as well.

 

He tells me he loves me, he told me the other day, he is stopping himself from falling head over heels in love with me, and it tearing him apart. i said of course you aren't doing that, because of the wife and kids, he said, f*** her it is because of the kids. He said to me do you know what Sunday is, tomorrow, and I said yes, the first day of the week, he laughed and said no, it was 6 months ago we first saw each other. Of course, I know what Sunday is but I was surprised he even remembered, and I told him that and he said how could I forget the day we first saw each other, and changed my life forever,you are so dear to me and in my heart and I love you.

 

I know I have to stop talking to him, but it is so hard. my new job is great and it helps, but it is now. I'm okay and always have been when he is on the road, but he is 5 minutes from my house, and it is killing me when he is in town and I know it .......

 

I hate those days and nights.......when he is so close but a million miles away

[wannabdone]

Okay, it is Saturday night, and I sit here feeling like dog ****, he is home this weekend and is going to be switching jobs so he is gonna be long haul, out 14-21 days, which is going to be good because even if I wanted to see him I won't be able too We have talked on the phone a number of times and I know i need to quit doing that as well, because it is tearing me up as well.

 

He tells me he loves me, he told me the other day, he is stopping himself from falling head over heels in love with me, and it tearing him apart. i said of course you aren't doing that, because of the wife and kids, he said, f*** her it is because of the kids. He said to me do you know what Sunday is, tomorrow, and I said yes, the first day of the week, he laughed and said no, it was 6 months ago we first saw each other. Of course, I know what Sunday is but I was surprised he even remembered, and I told him that and he said how could I forget the day we first saw each other, and changed my life forever,you are so dear to me and in my heart and I love you.

 

I know I have to stop talking to him, but it is so hard. my new job is great and it helps, but it is now. I'm okay and always have been when he is on the road, but he is 5 minutes from my house, and it is killing me when he is in town and I know it .......

 

I hate those days and nights.......when he is so close but a million miles away

 

 

Oh Truckergirl.... I don't even know what to say here. I understand where you are coming from. But now is the time you s*** or get off the pot, so to speak. You know what you need to do, yes its hard...but you have to. NC is never really what you WANT to do, its what you must do when your head has finally wrapped around this thing that it will never be what you want, and what you need. Your heart says no, of course. But once your head has done this, you have to do it. Otherwise you just keep ripping open the wound. Causing yourself more undo misery and saddness.

 

Don't be the person that continues to gripe about their situation. Be the one who changes the situation.

 

Remember what Albert Einstiens definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results"

Right now, I'm sorry to say, your actions are proving insanity.

 

I'm praying for you. You do have the strength. I promise.

[woinlove]

Okay, it is Saturday night, and I sit here feeling like dog ****, he is home this weekend and is going to be switching jobs so he is gonna be long haul, out 14-21 days, which is going to be good because even if I wanted to see him I won't be able too We have talked on the phone a number of times and I know i need to quit doing that as well, because it is tearing me up as well.

 

He tells me he loves me, he told me the other day, he is stopping himself from falling head over heels in love with me, and it tearing him apart. i said of course you aren't doing that, because of the wife and kids, he said, f*** her it is because of the kids. He said to me do you know what Sunday is, tomorrow, and I said yes, the first day of the week, he laughed and said no, it was 6 months ago we first saw each other. Of course, I know what Sunday is but I was surprised he even remembered, and I told him that and he said how could I forget the day we first saw each other, and changed my life forever,you are so dear to me and in my heart and I love you.

 

I know I have to stop talking to him, but it is so hard. my new job is great and it helps, but it is now. I'm okay and always have been when he is on the road, but he is 5 minutes from my house, and it is killing me when he is in town and I know it .......

 

I hate those days and nights.......when he is so close but a million miles away

 

Sorry you are hurting. Sounds like he can be a sweet talker, but his actions aren't so sweet. Focus on his actions and they will guide you and give you the resolve to do what is best for you.

[wannabdone]

I'm sorry you are in pain TG. The only way to get past it it stop picking at the scab so to speak but you know this and you will when you are ready. I hope it's soon.

 

 

LG.... we are like peas and carrots. I just said this exact same thing. With a ton other stuff. You know me. My posts end up being novels. No matter how brief I try to be.

 

Just too much to say to make it brief, when there is so much going on, and so many emotions.

 

TG...I believe in you. You can overcome this!! And yes, I agree that he does sound like a sweet talker. I have one of those too. Man, they are hard to shake.

[truckersgirl]

Oh Truckergirl.... I don't even know what to say here. I understand where you are coming from. But now is the time you s*** or get off the pot, so to speak. You know what you need to do, yes its hard...but you have to. NC is never really what you WANT to do, its what you must do when your head has finally wrapped around this thing that it will never be what you want, and what you need. Your heart says no, of course. But once your head has done this, you have to do it. Otherwise you just keep ripping open the wound. Causing yourself more undo misery and saddness.

 

Don't be the person that continues to gripe about their situation. Be the one who changes the situation.

 

Remember what Albert Einstiens definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results"

Right now, I'm sorry to say, your actions are proving insanity.

 

I'm praying for you. You do have the strength. I promise.

 

Thanks, I have such great resolve till his number comes up on my caller ID

then I answer it, and I know I have to stop it, my head tells me this but my heart tells me something else. I know I need to get my head around this thing, and I know I got myself in this and I am the only one who can get myself out of it, I just need to wrap my heart around it.....I am doing it over and over again and each time it is just eating away at me, and you are riht I am the only one who can change the outcome not him not her not the kids, just me ........thanks for the encouragement and the support

[truckersgirl]

I'm sorry you are in pain TG. The only way to get past it it stop picking at the scab so to speak but you know this and you will when you are ready. I hope it's soon.

 

Yes, my head tells me this, my heart is another story.........I hope it happens soon.....it will......I just feel like I have been kicked in the gut right now

[truckersgirl]

LG.... we are like peas and carrots. I just said this exact same thing. With a ton other stuff. You know me. My posts end up being novels. No matter how brief I try to be.

 

Just too much to say to make it brief, when there is so much going on, and so many emotions.

 

TG...I believe in you. You can overcome this!! And yes, I agree that he does sound like a sweet talker. I have one of those too. Man, they are hard to shake.

 

I have he same problem, when I write sometimes it seems like a novel. He is a sweet talker, I jut need to quit answering my phone is all ....

[truckersgirl]

Sorry you are hurting. Sounds like he can be a sweet talker, but his actions aren't so sweet. Focus on his actions and they will guide you and give you the resolve to do what is best for you.

 

his actions are sweeter then his words.........I wish I could just wipe him out of my head and my mind in one fell swoope

[wannabdone]

his actions are sweeter then his words.........I wish I could just wipe him out of my head and my mind in one fell swoope

 

 

Hi TG...

 

Hope you are doing well, enjoying your new job. Question...how are his actions sweeter than his words, again???? I'm sorry, I just kind of got a little tripped up on your statement. His actions are keeping you in another environment, and not giving you a 100% of himself and his life. Giving you a very mere portion of that. I'm sorry sweetie, but how are those actions so sweet?????

[woinlove]

his actions are sweeter then his words.........I wish I could just wipe him out of my head and my mind in one fell swoope

 

Like, wanna, I was thrown for a loop with this statement. I thought you were unhappy with the situation. I thought you wanted more than he was giving you. If you think his actions are sweet, then I don't understand what the problem is.

[truckersgirl]

Hi guys ...yeah that didn't come out right, I don't know what I meant to be honest my mind is so messed up about him........today is a better day, I feel good of course that can all change with a text or phone call, but I woke up this morning and decided that why should I allow someone who can't/won't commit to me the way I deserve and who can't give me the time I need to be alone with him .....so as the old saying goes, out with the old and in with the new........now if I can just convince myself that is true I will be good ......thank you all for everything .......