Mme. Chaucer Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I'm assuming that you have also cut off your "friendship" with his wife, right? If it will help you to be angry at him, consider this: His claims that he is staying "for the kids" are patently bogus. He is gone for 14 - 21 days, and leaves the kids in the sole care of his wife and her SIX casual boyfriends? When, theoretically, he could have a lovely woman like you care for them while he's on the road (because, evidently, their mom would happily turn them over to you)? Sounds like a load of BS. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 ...I woke up this morning and decided that why should I allow someone who can't/won't commit to me the way I deserve and who can't give me the time I need to be alone with him ...now if I can just convince myself that is true I will be good If you are done with him then you can start healing today. If you try to hang on longer, then you can start healing tomorrow or whenever you decide it really is true that he can't/won't commit to you the way you deserve. You have to decide if today's pain is going to be worse/better than tomorrow's pain. Either way it's going to hurt. On the bright side, once you heal it won't hurt anymore. However, if you believe there is a chance that he might be able to commit to you the way you deserve that's a different story. You then have to decide if you are strong enough to ride that roller coaster. Sometimes that ride lasts for years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm assuming that you have also cut off your "friendship" with his wife, right? If it will help you to be angry at him, consider this: His claims that he is staying "for the kids" are patently bogus. He is gone for 14 - 21 days, and leaves the kids in the sole care of his wife and her SIX casual boyfriends? When, theoretically, he could have a lovely woman like you care for them while he's on the road (because, evidently, their mom would happily turn them over to you)? Sounds like a load of BS. Sorry. Yes, I have cut the friendship off with his wife, and yes he is gone that long, he really wants to get off the road and get a regular day job, but she is completely against it, I mean completely against it. Before, the thought of him being home every night was an awesome thought, but now I am glad he is going to be gone that long it i going to be easier, I think, with him not being so close. BTW thank you for the compliment, that was very sweet Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 If you are done with him then you can start healing today. If you try to hang on longer, then you can start healing tomorrow or whenever you decide it really is true that he can't/won't commit to you the way you deserve. You have to decide if today's pain is going to be worse/better than tomorrow's pain. Either way it's going to hurt. On the bright side, once you heal it won't hurt anymore. However, if you believe there is a chance that he might be able to commit to you the way you deserve that's a different story. You then have to decide if you are strong enough to ride that roller coaster. Sometimes that ride lasts for years. Yes, I am going to hut no matter when I truly end it and quit hanging on......and yes, I have thought about hanging on for the roller coaster ride sitting tight and seeing what happens, but to be honest the more I think about things, something grandmother once told me, "if you get involved with a married man and he leaves his wife for you , the first time he is late you are going to wonder if he is doing the same thing to you as he did to her...." It makes sense, because can I really trust him?????? And if I am really truly honest with myself and really look a this whole f**** up situation, I know I wouldnt be able to trust him ........ Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 And if I am really truly honest with myself and really look a this whole f**** up situation, I know I wouldnt be able to trust him ........ I'm glad you said that. Open marriage or no, there are many things in place between this man and his wife and kids that are very questionable, and for which he shares responsibility. He doesn't sound like he is a good candidate for a stable relationship with anybody. Sadly, probably including his children. YOU take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yes, I am going to hut no matter when I truly end it and quit hanging on......and yes, I have thought about hanging on for the roller coaster ride sitting tight and seeing what happens, but to be honest the more I think about things, something grandmother once told me, "if you get involved with a married man and he leaves his wife for you , the first time he is late you are going to wonder if he is doing the same thing to you as he did to her...." It makes sense, because can I really trust him?????? And if I am really truly honest with myself and really look a this whole f**** up situation, I know I wouldnt be able to trust him ........ NO, you can't trust him. Who's to say that if he did leave and be with you that he wouldn't be craving this excitment?? I hope sooner than later you stop hanging on and start hanging up. You deserve so much more. (((hugs))))) YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm glad you said that. Open marriage or no, there are many things in place between this man and his wife and kids that are very questionable, and for which he shares responsibility. He doesn't sound like he is a good candidate for a stable relationship with anybody. Sadly, probably including his children. YOU take care of yourself. I blame myself for getting myself into this, but it is so very true, the more I think the more I know I can't trust him. We re both on a certain web site, the one we originally met on and he is back in contact with one of his old flings. Now he told me how selfish, etc...she didn't like the kids and his wife really dislikes her, funny part of this whole thing, her husband had no idea about the affair, and still doesn't....oh good lord I should have run as fast as I could and he back in contact with her. Guess he will be going back on the road long haul, so he now has permission to f*** his way across country, since he is in an open marriage and all. I mean think about it, he isn't committed to his wife, uses the kids as an excuse for not divorcing his wife, even though he, well they both say they are miserable with each other what makes me think or what made me think he would ever be able to commit to me, stupid....stupid.....stupid......stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 NO, you can't trust him. Who's to say that if he did leave and be with you that he wouldn't be craving this excitment?? I hope sooner than later you stop hanging on and start hanging up. You deserve so much more. (((hugs))))) YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Thank you for the hugs, I wish I was as confident in me as you are, you are right he is craving the excitement as I said in my previously post he has hooked back up with an old affair he had..and swears nothing is going on except they are talking...okay, I finally admit it here they have the morals of alley cats, (NOT THAT MINE AREN'T MUCH BETTER) he was f****** her and friends with her husband they still are as a matter of fact and the only reason this other woman doesn't make his wife mad is because she knows his wife could really blow her world apart.........Wow how much clearer I am starting to think........ok, the rose colored glasses are off... I was talking to a friend of mine last night and he said something to me that makes sense. Now he knows his wife, NO not in that way, lol ......but she is after him as well, and he is not interested in the least, he said that he is a one woman man, and ya know what I am that way too, I am a one man woman, and I think part of what the problem is, is I am like that and I thought i could be so hip and so cool handling a man in an open marriage and just be friends with benefits, and damn I am wrong, I want, no I DESERVE, to be in a relationship with a man, who is first and foremost, SINGLE, and who can and will commit to me and only me.......gosh I sound so confident at 4:30 in the morning..... lol .......thank you all for your support and helping me see the big picture then just what I wanted to see.....hugs to you all...... Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you for the hugs, I wish I was as confident in me as you are, you are right he is craving the excitement as I said in my previously post he has hooked back up with an old affair he had..and swears nothing is going on except they are talking...okay, I finally admit it here they have the morals of alley cats, (NOT THAT MINE AREN'T MUCH BETTER) he was f****** her and friends with her husband they still are as a matter of fact and the only reason this other woman doesn't make his wife mad is because she knows his wife could really blow her world apart.........Wow how much clearer I am starting to think........ok, the rose colored glasses are off... I was talking to a friend of mine last night and he said something to me that makes sense. Now he knows his wife, NO not in that way, lol ......but she is after him as well, and he is not interested in the least, he said that he is a one woman man, and ya know what I am that way too, I am a one man woman, and I think part of what the problem is, is I am like that and I thought i could be so hip and so cool handling a man in an open marriage and just be friends with benefits, and damn I am wrong, I want, no I DESERVE, to be in a relationship with a man, who is first and foremost, SINGLE, and who can and will commit to me and only me.......gosh I sound so confident at 4:30 in the morning..... lol .......thank you all for your support and helping me see the big picture then just what I wanted to see.....hugs to you all...... Good for you for knowing what you want and deserve and for seeing MM realistically. That is really the key step to moving toward happiness. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Good for you for knowing what you want and deserve and for seeing MM realistically. That is really the key step to moving toward happiness. Stay strong! that is so true WIL, its like in any step recovery, first step is acknowledment!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Good morning all, thought I would give you an update on what has been going on.......my job is awesome.......and I am feeling a little better about the decisions I have made, I think. I miss him something awful, but it gets a little better each day. Yes, we still talk once in awhile on the phone, he mainly calls me at work because we don't have caller ID. I actually would prefer that because I have to keep a professional aire about me, so no crying allowed. He keeps telling m he is worried about me and of course tells me he is missing me. It's nice to hear but of course does he miss me for me or because he thinks it is what I want to hear. I am proud of myself, I haven;t said to him I miss him. I'm doing great during the day, it is right before I go to sleep that it is he worse, because I lie there and think about everything and what COULD HAVE BEEN, if the situation was different, but its not, and if wishing could make it come true, then I would have the winning lottery numbers..... Anyway, will keep you posted on the progress and once again thank you for everything...... Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Thank you for the hugs, I wish I was as confident in me as you are, you are right he is craving the excitement as I said in my previously post he has hooked back up with an old affair he had..and swears nothing is going on except they are talking...okay, I finally admit it here they have the morals of alley cats, (NOT THAT MINE AREN'T MUCH BETTER) he was f****** her and friends with her husband they still are as a matter of fact and the only reason this other woman doesn't make his wife mad is because she knows his wife could really blow her world apart.........Wow how much clearer I am starting to think........ok, the rose colored glasses are off... I was talking to a friend of mine last night and he said something to me that makes sense. Now he knows his wife, NO not in that way, lol ......but she is after him as well, and he is not interested in the least, he said that he is a one woman man, and ya know what I am that way too, I am a one man woman, and I think part of what the problem is, is I am like that and I thought i could be so hip and so cool handling a man in an open marriage and just be friends with benefits, and damn I am wrong, I want, no I DESERVE, to be in a relationship with a man, who is first and foremost, SINGLE, and who can and will commit to me and only me.......gosh I sound so confident at 4:30 in the morning..... lol .......thank you all for your support and helping me see the big picture then just what I wanted to see.....hugs to you all...... Well look at you go!!!! Seeing things in such a clear state. Thats awesome....and a HUGE step!!!! Maybe you and your "friend" can date....since you are both interested in a "one person show". Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Maybe it's time to change your screen name … to "awesomegirl"! Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Maybe it's time to change your screen name … to "awesomegirl"! Love it!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 You are even doing better than you realize and you are getting "stronger". Hugs and keep hanging in there. Thanks ...I'm trying, I mean I still cry when I hear certain songs but that's okay ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 Maybe it's time to change your screen name … to "awesomegirl"! LOL....Maybe EX-Truckersgirl.....lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Hello all....... Sorry I haven't been around much, work is going AWESOME, but very usy, which is great. I've spoken to him a few times and he tells me he is really confused because she is being so "nice" to him and that they are getting along great. I said good for you guys, he then tells me it won't last, oh well i said, not really my concern anymore. He then tells me since I started this new job my whole attitude has changed and I said to him isn't it amazing how when a person takes off her rose colored glasses how clearly one sees things, he didn't like that but I told him, I have my career back, I am meeting new people and spreading my wings.....oh well like I said to him, this independent attitude is exactly how I was when I was working in the past and now ......in the immortal words of Sara Evans.....I'm a little bit stronger........ Yes, it still hurts and I do miss him, but it is getting a little easier each day ....... Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Hello all....... Sorry I haven't been around much, work is going AWESOME, but very usy, which is great. I've spoken to him a few times and he tells me he is really confused because she is being so "nice" to him and that they are getting along great. I said good for you guys, he then tells me it won't last, oh well i said, not really my concern anymore. He then tells me since I started this new job my whole attitude has changed and I said to him isn't it amazing how when a person takes off her rose colored glasses how clearly one sees things, he didn't like that but I told him, I have my career back, I am meeting new people and spreading my wings.....oh well like I said to him, this independent attitude is exactly how I was when I was working in the past and now ......in the immortal words of Sara Evans.....I'm a little bit stronger........ Yes, it still hurts and I do miss him, but it is getting a little easier each day ....... Hey! Independence is good. And this calmness you seem to have is great. I know it's hard, but you're doing exactly the right thing. To get perspective from the outside of it all is so healthy, irrespective of what happens beyond that. Good on you Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Even when you and he were still on, he was... ....cleaning "her" house at her request, while standing you up ....attending family events with HER family! Those two things right there tell me, this man is married to her in some powerful way even though sexual fidelity is not currently on their menu. Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Hello all...... Sorry I haven't been around, the new job and all so I have been pretty busy. Yes, like a dummy he and I have seen each other a few times, but it will never work, and I now know that, I just wish I could get my head and heart on the same page. I fell off the wagon, but slowly climbing back on it....so we shall see Link to post Share on other sites
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