Girlfriend is great, but I am unhappy

[Ace]

Hello all!

 

I have a situation that I need some advice on here and if you could help me out, that would be great!

 

I have been with my gf for about a year now. We have seen each other a lot over this year as to almost talking to seeing each other everyday. 90% of the time I love this and I like being with her, but lately, I don't know what has been wrong with me. I don't know if I am simply in a phase or something, but I really dislike seeing her for some reason. Just being with her or talking to her on the phone makes me uncomfortable and is making me think about breaking up with her. This would be really stupid because she is the best gf I have ever had that would do ANYTHING for me, however, I am just not happy for some reason.

 

Also, sometimes I get this way because she says "I love you". I don't know why, but I can't say it back with total committment to her and I think to myself that I don't know if I love her or not. In fact, the only time I think I have ever said "I love you" to a gf was when my ex of 6 years broke up with me.

 

Can anyone recommend something for me to be happy again? This girl is wonderful and has done nothing wrong, but for some reason, I am not happy at all.

 

I appreciate it!

[Pyrannaste]

I might be wrong but I think it's a phase that most people in long relationships go through. i think these feelings will soon fade away.

It happened to me a couple of times, in both cases I felt annoyed, bored, with no real reason.

Ideas of breaking up and going out with someone else crossed my mind. I started to notice how charming some of my male friends were.

Well, i'm *so*glad I did not do anything stupid at the time!!!!!!

Don't worry and don't do silly things, I'm sure you'll start feeling happy in her company again soon.

 

One though that (I hope)could help you: I think that if your girlfriend now for some reasons started to act cold, distant, annoyed ; or seemed very interested in someone else, or acted like she wanted to break up, you'd stop disliking to see her: you'd probably try to see her whenever possible.

 

This is what usually happens, at least.

 

That kind of feelings you are experiencing you get only with nice guys/nice girls.

You'll never feel them with people who play games or mess up with your head, because you are too busy gathering up pieces of your broken heart.

Luckily that kind of feelings does not usually last long.

 

Hope everything will go well with her.

[Samantha16]

Is it possible you're craving drama and 'the chase' and your girlfriend is too available? You're getting board. It happens to the best of us. We miss the thrill and the chase and the excitment. And now...they're just always 'there' and things become very routine and farmiliar and boring.

 

Wait a while to see if you come out of this phase. The butterflies and thrills might not come back, but you'll probably stop having these "break up" thoughts, if this even IS a phase anyway. It seems to me you already realize what you may lose, and that's why you don't want these thoughts because you know you'll regret it if you dump her.

 

You never know though---some time apart from her may help you see more clearly and discover what it is you really want. The only risk in that is she may not want YOU back.

 

Give it time, and if these negative feelings persist, I hope you will realize it's not fair to pretend everything's okay with her. She deserves a man who truly cares. And you deserve to be happy too.

[jmargel]

Ah, the puppy dog love stage is over. That is what it feels like. The excitement & chase is gone like the other poster said. Perhaps you aren't fully over your ex? You only said 'I love you' to your ex of 6 years once? And when it was she was breaking up with you? I hope that's not true. If it is, sounds like you have a hard time committing your love to someone.

 

When in a relationship you still need to be alone and go out with friends that don't include her. Go out to dance clubs, and try to do exciting things. Relationships are what you make of it. The more you put in, the more you get out of it.

[Ace]

Thanks for the reply! I have talked to her about it this week and she is definately not happy, but she is willing to see me though this time. Like I said, she is a great girlfriend.

 

It's funny that you say that about not being a challenge anymore because that is exactly what I told her. She will usually do anything for me and do whatever I want, whenever I want and it's not a challenge at all anymore because she has also told me over and over again that she will not break up with me. Maybe I am taking her for granted, I don't know.

 

I have to find out what this is and deal with it though. This week has been kinda stressful for me because this is my last week of college before I graduate. Maybe that is it, I don't know. I seem to have this problem every 2 months or so and it finally goes away. Let's hope this is the case because today, I seem to be better and want to see her again.

 

Sometimes I wonder about myself because she makes me feel unhappy sometimes, but the next day, I want to see her again and am happy. I just don't get it. I guess I have some things to think about.

[Ace]

Originally posted by jmargel

Ah, the puppy dog love stage is over. That is what it feels like. The excitement & chase is gone like the other poster said. Perhaps you aren't fully over your ex? You only said 'I love you' to your ex of 6 years once? And when it was she was breaking up with you? I hope that's not true. If it is, sounds like you have a hard time committing your love to someone.

 

When in a relationship you still need to be alone and go out with friends that don't include her. Go out to dance clubs, and try to do exciting things. Relationships are what you make of it. The more you put in, the more you get out of it.

I hear you there. She is everywhere with me. I am never out with my friends anywhere without her. Since I have to work on the weekend nights, she gets to go out and do things with her friends, but I never get a time to go out with mine without her since we generally go out on Friday since that is our only time on the weekend.

 

I think that I am going to have to make some time with just friends without her to really see how much I appreciate her.

[FreeMe]

You may be taking her for granted.

 

You may be bored.

 

Or maybe your feeling has nothing to do with her but since she is a huge part of your life you're assuming it's her. What else is going on? Are you happy at your job? When you don't want to see her, do you want to be alone? or do you want to be with friends?Maybe you're dissatisfied with YOUR life, not with her.

 

Just some ideas to think about.

[Ace]

Originally posted by FreeMe

You may be taking her for granted.

 

You may be bored.

 

Or maybe your feeling has nothing to do with her but since she is a huge part of your life you're assuming it's her. What else is going on? Are you happy at your job? When you don't want to see her, do you want to be alone? or do you want to be with friends?Maybe you're dissatisfied with YOUR life, not with her.

 

Just some ideas to think about.

I honestly think a lot of it has to do with everyone. I just found out that my roomate said that I have been acting ****ty to him for the past few days and this is when this thing all started.

[FreeMe]

So it does sound like maybe something is going on with you that may or may not have much to do with your girl. Are you anti-counseling? If not, think about seeing someone. If you are, consider some of these things:

 

How long did you wait between the girl who broke up with you and the one you're seeing? Was there anyone in between? Someone else suggested maybe you never gave yourself enough time after the other girlfriend. Could that be the case?

 

Are you bored with your life in general? do you need a new hobby?

 

Are you happy at your job?

 

Is everything ok with your family? do you get along? is there any baggage there?

 

Think about things like that and see if you can figure out if there's something bugging you. You need to get to the bottom of it. Otherwise, girlfriend or not, you won't be happy.