irc333 Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Very interesting video about the Myth of the RIGHT person. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I hope people don't take this as dogmatic. I'm not religious, and I spent many years in the Deep South... so religious stuff tends to makes me cringe... But there is alot of truth to this... Although I don't need to wait until marriage for sex, I do see alot of wisdom in it. I would never live with someone without a commitment, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 I hope people don't take this as dogmatic. I'm not religious, and I spent many years in the Deep South... so religious stuff tends to makes me cringe... But there is alot of truth to this... Although I don't need to wait until marriage for sex, I do see alot of wisdom in it. I would never live with someone without a commitment, that's for sure. Right, though posting something that's being told by a pastor might make other people cringe, but.....it does make sense though. How people just jump into things without thinking, putting it all on chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Right, though posting something that's being told by a pastor might make other people cringe, but.....it does make sense though. How people just jump into things without thinking, putting it all on chemistry. Yes, we are on the same page about 'chemistry'... I've always said 'love' isn't a feeling... it's an action. Another really good part of the message is the thought of 'becoming the person you want to attract'. That is still a work in progress for me Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Very interesting stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Thank you for posting this by the way, from the bottom of my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I've always said 'love' isn't a feeling... it's an action. I really need to think about this in more depth. It's an interesting idea. I think love can certainly be an action... I'm just not sure about solely. Does it depend upon perception? Another really good part of the message is the thought of 'becoming the person you want to attract'. Completely agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I really need to think about this in more depth. It's an interesting idea. I think love can certainly be an action... I'm just not sure about solely. Does it depend upon perception? . The video kind of talks about more concrete examples. About what 'love' is or isn't in the context of a relationship. I suppose it might depend upon perception. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 The video kind of talks about more concrete examples. About what 'love' is or isn't in the context of a relationship. I suppose it might depend upon perception. (I have yet to watch the video =x, but I will probably later this evening. Love being an action is food for thought 'til then though ). Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Will someone please take notes and summarize it for the rest of us? Since it's a minister, I'm sure one thing will be to wait till marriage for sex. Something I disagree with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Will someone please take notes and summarize it for the rest of us? Since it's a minister, I'm sure one thing will be to wait till marriage for sex. Something I disagree with. Surprisingly he doesn't really talk about it in that lecture. Don't be lazy and at least watch SOME of it. lol Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Will someone please take notes and summarize it for the rest of us? Since it's a minister, I'm sure one thing will be to wait till marriage for sex. Something I disagree with. No, he doesn't talk about that at all... he addresses people in many different stages of relationships. I only mention it in my earlier post because, well, I assumed that before I listened to the whole thing too. He doesn't come across as judgmental or condescending at all. Really, if former Deep South dweller like me can like it, it has to be good. It is alot more about what love is and isn't than dictating a bunch of rigid rules about sex. It was quite uplifting, to be honest. I've bookmarked it and am going to write some of it down... for those times I'm feeling kind of lonely and pissed I don't have anyone Like Labor Day weekend! I always felt it was better to be 'alone' and have time to work on oneself than to be in a 'better than nothing' relationship with someone who doesn't share your values. And really, truly... I'm the least religious person you'll ever meet. Well, I'm Unitarian. That doesn't count as a 'religion'. Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Yes, we are on the same page about 'chemistry'... I've always said 'love' isn't a feeling... it's an action. Another really good part of the message is the thought of 'becoming the person you want to attract'. That is still a work in progress for me Sure, love is an action. But I think there is sometime to that spark idea. Can we over think love? Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Ok, I watched the first part, for those who don't like a lot of bible talk, he isn't tossing scripture out left and right, it's a very well done seminar and it makes a lot of sense. as far as the "is love an action or perception" it is both, times two. Let me explain that, when I get upset, I want to be left alone. When my ex got upset, she did NOT want to be left alone. This is where lots of people screw up. For me to perceive that she loved me, her action should be for her to leave me alone. Too many of us take what works for us and tries to use it on our partners. Treat others how you want to be treated is always good advice, but it has its limitations. If she gets upset and I give her space, like I would want, she perceives it as me not caring, even though to me, it's the exact opposite. This works for pretty much any other situation. Maybe I just like to spend time together and my partner likes gifts. If you try to use what makes you feel good and apply it to the other person it will probably blow up in your face because your actions and their perceptions are matching up. An old friend of mine has three sayings that seem to all go hand in hand. 1. Communication is the key to all relationships. 2. Unhappiness is caused by unmet expectations. 3. Perception is reality. Too many people don't communicate what their expectations are, they just assume the other person knows, so when the expectations aren't met, they perceive that person doesn't love them. It is a recipe for disaster. Just giving everyone something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Some of the men here need to see the second section in this series... Called "The Gentleman's Club" Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Sure, love is an action. But I think there is sometime to that spark idea. Can we over think love? Nope. If you are serious about finding a person for a LTR that is soul-enriching, it should be quite deliberate. Sounds boring to some, but it isn't to me at all. Of course, those 'in love' feelings are not going to grow with just anyone. But choosing whom to devote that attention to is VERY intentional. And it never more important than the early stages when the easy and fun thing to do is jump into bed... then see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 A very well made video. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Those "in love" feelings are just chemistry and they have been proven to fade for most people between 2-5 years. What you are left with is mature love, or real love, if you will, and most people don't make it past that point because they don't understand it for what it is. Oh I don't love them anymore, I've fallen out of love. No, the newness wore off and the things that someone else said or did that made you feel good faded. Too many associate their own self esteem as the responsibility of the other person. Granted, someone else can make you feel better about yourself, but seriously, it's setting you up for failure, eventually someone in the relationship will screw it up in some form or fashion. I have seen people that have spent their entire life chasing that "in love" feeling and as soon as it wains they are off in search of it again with someone else and it's ALWAYS the fault of the other person they leave behind. They never see it for what it truly is and I am glad to see the guy in the video address it. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Very true. A lot of people mistake love for infatuation, or lust. It's possible to be "in lust with someone at first sight", but in love? Nah! Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Nope. If you are serious about finding a person for a LTR that is soul-enriching, it should be quite deliberate. Sounds boring to some, but it isn't to me at all. Of course, those 'in love' feelings are not going to grow with just anyone. But choosing whom to devote that attention to is VERY intentional. And it never more important than the early stages when the easy and fun thing to do is jump into bed... then see what happens. If you think of finding love being intentional and are serious about finding a LTR, then casual sex in the early stages should not be a distraction from those goals, merely light playful fun while you find that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irc333 Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Very true. A lot of people mistake love for infatuation, or lust. It's possible to be "in lust with someone at first sight", but in love? Nah! Right, and over time I had fallen for some female "friends" because I tend to start off slow, start off as friends, and move slowly. I think that's why a few of my female friends didn't date ME because they didn't have that instant spark, because I don't believe in "sparks" or "Chemistry" as I've seen posted on so many women's profiles "MUST have Chemistry!" As if it were a #1 priority. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) Those "in love" feelings are just chemistry and they have been proven to fade for most people between 2-5 years. What you are left with is mature love, or real love, if you will, and most people don't make it past that point because they don't understand it for what it is. Oh I don't love them anymore, I've fallen out of love. No, the newness wore off and the things that someone else said or did that made you feel good faded. Too many associate their own self esteem as the responsibility of the other person. Granted, someone else can make you feel better about yourself, but seriously, it's setting you up for failure, eventually someone in the relationship will screw it up in some form or fashion. I have seen people that have spent their entire life chasing that "in love" feeling and as soon as it wains they are off in search of it again with someone else and it's ALWAYS the fault of the other person they leave behind. They never see it for what it truly is and I am glad to see the guy in the video address it. glad why? they won't change. those people are lost causes. i don't mean that as condescending. just stating a fact. i really don't care at all about such people. i can't change the world, i just live in it. so do they. there are lots of those people on this very forum, actually. Edited September 4, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Simply because a lot of people will see this message and a few of them will understand it. I'd rather one person hear it and end up happy than none at all. You and everyone else can settle for living in the world if you want. I'm taking it over one person at a time, muahahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 The right person is out there for everyone...the problem is too many either have the wrong picture in their minds of the right person, or they want a 100% tailor-fit in an "off the rack" world. Too many IMHO put their standards way too high and thus keep themselves single because no one is "good enough" for any of them. Or the things they won't compromise on are things they should compromise on, and then the other things (like he/she is faithful and devoted to me) they do compromise on. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 hence the myth. Too many people say relationships are "give and take" Real relationships are give and give. You give your 100% to them and they give their 100% to you. Every time this ratio dips, the other person has to pick up the slack. someone only gives it 50%, the other person now has to hold up 150%, which is why its so damn hard to keep everything in line. The cookie cutter fantasy that this man is talking about in the video sadly just doesn't exist, nor can it. If it did, this world would be a far better place than what it is and all the fairytale relationships that start out well would end well. Link to post Share on other sites
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