about my selfish father?

[craig841]

Last year my parents decided to get divorced (I'm 21), but my mum didn't move out until only a couple of months ago. It used to be her I was having the problems with, as she would dump her depressive thoughts onto me and I felt like I had to take care of her. She is now in her own lovely house and looking on the up, and I'm having to come to the realisation that my father (who I am currently living with most often) is a selfish man.

 

He has taken two weeks holiday in which he was supposed to be sorting out the house, which is in a bit of a state. I have to put it out there that it is not really my responsibility to do this. Yes my room could be tidier etc etc but the stuff that needs majorly sorting out is all his. What he chooses to do instead is play golf and meet friends as often as he can, using every excuse in the book not to sort his house out. To top it all off, he takes great delight in pointing out the things my sister and I have not done and mocking us for it. The words 'thank you' are often a rarity, however the words 'it's my house' are commonplace. He walked in the door after 36 holes of golf today and said 'you could have least have opened the front door (hadn't been out the house all day) and gone and got the bloody car (left it at the train station after having had a few drinks in town)' before walking off into the house. The temptation to mention all the things he could have done that day instead of play golf was pretty overwhelming. He also chose to pick on me yesterday for 'clattering the plates' when I was laying them down for dinner to be served. I mean for gods sake.

 

At the moment he's financially supporting me a bit through university (going into my last year) so I'm scared that if I confront him about things he'll threaten to cut me off. My sister fares much better with confronting him about things but I hate creating conflict with him...I always end worse off as he's I should have a temp job for summer (can't work at uni) but things haven't really transpired for me, and he loves calling me work-shy for it. I constantly feel like I'm to blame and that I could always do something better, to the point that I'm not sure he cares about me or loves me as a son anymore. It's like he would rather I wasn't at home.

 

I have one year of semi-regular contact with him left, and then I hopefully move out to do a postgraduate degree and find a place of my own. Do I spend as much time with my now healing mum as I can, giving up on changing his ways, or is there something I can do to make life easier for everyone? Our house is a very stressful place at the moment...

 

Thanks in advance.

[Tayla]

Based solely on your perspective I think your father is not a responsible person as opposed to selfish. IF given our druthers in life I am sure most of us could indeed as adults find things we'd rather be doing, golf, sporting, relaxing, anything other then house upkeep. Your father is an adult as are you. The imaginary line of Parent/child still exists though in your household. Sad yet true to some extent. Instead of "reaching" towards the future , this matter needs confronted in an adult fashion. SIt down calmly (if feasible) and state what you are willing to do to assist on the household chores. If it is entirely his Private belongings that need sorted , then ask him to be more mindful perhaps of this. Sometimes folks are okay with clutter or having things in a wee bit of a haphazard fashion. A "Home" is a welcoming place and I agree with any adult child that being told this is "their House", places the relative as an unwelcomed being. A Home is open to comments or suggestions. A House is not. I pray your father see's that you are simply stating your perspective and could he take the time to be more in tune with the surroundings. Maybe he needs to "re-learn" how to tend to house tasks with your mum being out of the picture now.