Everyone knows a girl like this....

[D-Lish]

I know men and women like this, mostly women though for some reason. I tend not to spend much time with or around or worrying about these people, they end up in trouble more often than not and I don't like being around when it finally happens. heh.

 

Maybe the guy was just trying to be...polite? Seriously, it seems to me he would rather have not had her intrude but didn't want to be an ass and tell her to go somewhere else. He probably read your emotions when you decided to leave and didn't know if it was her or him you were upset with. It's painfully obvious who he liked more. idk, men always like an ego boost, its not narcissism, it's like emotional vitamins for self confidence.

 

idk where this went, so im gonna go read back up

 

I agree, he was clearly uncomfortable. The thing is, I am stuck on him not doing anything about it. He could have suggested to walk me to my car!

[D-Lish]

I used to have a very good friend just like your friend. She had a BF, but couldn’t stand it if a guy was paying attention to me and not her, and would do everything to shift the attention. I’m not an attention seeker and I will never compete with another woman for a man’s attention in outrageous ways, so if the guy valued silly sexual flirtation over intelligent conversation, I would tell myself he wasn’t the one for me anyway. It still bothered me, though. I couldn’t understand why my happiness was less important than her being the center of attention.

 

One time I called her out on her behavior and she proceeded to act very innocent and like she had no idea what I was talking about. In order to stop the behavior, the person would have to admit to themselves that they are doing something wrong, which my friend was not ready to do.

 

She also hated it when I would pay attention to other women and not her. She would even say things to me like , “Stop talking to her. You’re here with me.” She was very jealous of my female friends (and she, incidentally, didn’t many—big surprise).

 

I ended up having to stop being friends with her, which was unfortunate because we were really good friends. We had fun together (most of the time) and she was a good friend in many ways, but I’m happier not having her in my life.

 

I've experienced this as well. My ex-best friend would be so rude to other women that I was friendly with- and she'd be vocal about me not talking to them anymore. If I was meeting with my high school gf's for a night she'd get so pissed off at me. The few times she met them and I was engaging in a conversation with them she'd literally, physically grab my arm and pull me away from them! She'd do this with any woman I was paying attention to.

 

This beach girl- also has a bf, and they have huge fights in front of everyone. No one likes going out with the two of them because the night always ends with them in a big scuffle. She threw a drink on him once in front of all of us. I feel bad for him.

[Nexus One]

I agree, he was clearly uncomfortable. The thing is, I am stuck on him not doing anything about it. He could have suggested to walk me to my car!

 

As a guy I've been in situations where I could have made a move, but didn't, because I either had something else on my mind or didn't think about it. After the fact I then sometimes think: "Gah, I could have said such and such or should have done this or that."

 

Let me give you an example that happened just today. I went out running and when I was on my way home I saw a girl lying in the middle of the road, another girl was kneeling next to her and they seemed to try to make a call.

 

I thought it was odd, I wasn't sure what they were doing there in the middle of the road. Just to make sure I asked. "Hey, are you guys alright?" One of them answered..."somewhat".

 

Not sure what to make of it I walked on, but after a few seconds I thought. Hey wait a minute, one of them is lying on the road as if she's hurt, they're perhaps trying to call an ambulance and the other girl said they're "somewhat" alright.

 

So I decided to turn around and ask: "Do you need help? I thought I'd ask, because she's lying in the middle of the road as if she's in pain." The kneeling girl replied: "No we're alright."

 

That girl was kind of attractive, but I replied. "Alright then, have a nice day."

I walked on and did not at all know what to make of the situation. Perhaps they were students and were doing some social experiment to see how people would react to such a situation. Or perhaps some art students, making live art or whatever. Anyways, I could have started a conversation about what they were doing and where they were from, but by the time that I thought about that I was already almost home and besides, when you think someone is hurt, then making a move on someone is not the first thing you think about.

 

My point is the following.

 

D-Lish you said you want guys to hit on you and not the other way around, but then you also need to cut them some slack in my opinion, because we cannot account for every scenario. Neither can we think about everything that a woman would like us to do in any situation. Human interaction is complex enough as it is, you can't expect guys to figure it all out by themselves. I think if you keep that attitude, then you might miss out on some good opportunities.

Edited September 11, 2011 by Nexus One

[D-Lish]

As a guy I've situations where I could have made a move, but didn't, because I either had something else on my mind or didn't think about it. After the fact I then always think: "Gah, I could have said such and such or should have done this or that."

 

D-Lish you said you want guys to hit on you and not the other way around, but then you also need to cut them some slack in my opinion, because we cannot account for every scenario. Neither can we think about everything that a woman would like us to do in any situation. Human interaction is complex enough as it is, you can't expect guys to figure it all out by themselves. I think if you keep that attitude, then you might miss out on good opportunities.

 

You're right, and I know that. I think a part of my problem might come from me being gun shy after my ex. Maybe looking for reasons to condemn him before even giving him a chance.

 

It makes me think maybe I'm just not ready if I'm looking for reasons NOT to get to know someone.

[Nexus One]

You're right, and I know that. I think a part of my problem might come from me being gun shy after my ex. Maybe looking for reasons to condemn him before even giving him a chance.

 

Yeah you mentioned in one of your posts that you saw some characteristics of your ex shine through in the guy. But the guy is not your ex, you can't judge him for the faults of your ex.

 

It makes me think maybe I'm just not ready if I'm looking for reasons NOT to get to know someone.

 

That's something you'd have to judge for yourself. Perhaps you weren't ready at that point, that's very well possible, as you only recently got the closure you hoped for. Maybe it's all still sinking in. I think things will turn for the better though.

[Badenov]

While it may not be as common among guys, some do these things as well. I had 2 different friends who were more worried about their egos then our friendship, which is why I'm now ex-friends with both.

 

As far as this guy goes, there's probably nothing wrong with what he did (or didn't do), but unfortunately he's already been tainted by the drama, and any relationship you have with him won't be free of that.

 

My advice is to meet guys outside this circle of "friends". Don't even tell them you're seeing somebody until you're committed (and can give him fair warning before he meets them).

[NXS]

Some guys do get it. But yes, it would have been nice for him to take control of the situation and just simply say- D-Lish, let's go swimming.

In my last relationship my bf was a passive guy that shied from anything close to resembling rocking the boat... While I was sitting there I started to see some of the same characteristics, and I think that's what turned me off more than anything now that I've had time to think about it.

 

These type of situations are generally a no-win situation for guys. I've experienced unwanted over-the-top attention from women and the societal norm is that we're supposed to love it, however it just feels fake and contrived. He was looking at you in order to either say something to your friend or give some kind of indication of wanting to get out of there. You didn't do either so his mind was probably wondering how to takle this without looking like a 'creep', 'loser', 'rude', 'unsocial' etc. As the previous poster pointed out it's not always easy to make a decision on the spot, especially when he had only just met you and your friend.

[Kamille]

I agree they are delusional. I had to ditch a friend that was like this. For some reason she decided we were in some sort of competition. Over the 5 years of knowing one another, she just plain became more competetive and increasingly hostile towards me. She was not one to be reasoned with as she was effing crazy. She was the meanest drunk I've ever met. I was so glad to ditch her from my life.

 

 

 

Exactly! It took me a long time to understand why anyone would feel the need to compete with me, especially when it came to men. I used to be quite the wallflower and I was clueless about flirting. But I also had every other area of my life pretty much figured out. It was almost like these friends hung on dearly to the fact that at least, I wasn't competition when it came to men.

 

But what I found/find most frustrating about this competitive aspect is that my friends who are like that are even in denial about "competing". They usually construct themselves as "harmless". It's really hard to describe. They think others compete with them. It's recently stopped bothering me, and now doesn't rile me up as much, for one simple reason: I do have a lot of things going for me. I now see it for what it is: insecurity.

[sm1tten]

I've only ever had a couple of friends like that, and they didn't last. This one girl would compete with me over EVERYTHING, even things like who was having the worst day. I cut her out. And as Kamille said, they are totally blind to their own behavior. They are most likely to be the kind of girls who don't have many female friends because "girls are always such bitches to me." Um, actually, it's the other way around. The common denominator in your failure to get along with an entire gender is you, babe. I'd definitely limit my time in her company as it is unlikely the other women will do more than bitch and complain and you don't want to put yourself in her cross-hairs.

 

As for the guy, I think that if you're looking for reasons to not let him pursue, then don't. But I wouldn't judge him solely on what happened with your "friend."

[D-Lish]

These type of situations are generally a no-win situation for guys. I've experienced unwanted over-the-top attention from women and the societal norm is that we're supposed to love it, however it just feels fake and contrived. He was looking at you in order to either say something to your friend or give some kind of indication of wanting to get out of there. You didn't do either so his mind was probably wondering how to takle this without looking like a 'creep', 'loser', 'rude', 'unsocial' etc. As the previous poster pointed out it's not always easy to make a decision on the spot, especially when he had only just met you and your friend.

 

I think the opportunity to walk me to my car was a good one he missed.

 

I am also new to the friend group so I didn't want to cause any waves myself. In the back of my mind I'm thinking he's not doing anything about it because I'm wondering if he's enjoying the attention

 

This is really more to do with my friends actions and what the hell is wrong with her.

[D-Lish]

Exactly! It took me a long time to understand why anyone would feel the need to compete with me, especially when it came to men. I used to be quite the wallflower and I was clueless about flirting. But I also had every other area of my life pretty much figured out. It was almost like these friends hung on dearly to the fact that at least, I wasn't competition when it came to men.

 

But what I found/find most frustrating about this competitive aspect is that my friends who are like that are even in denial about "competing". They usually construct themselves as "harmless". It's really hard to describe. They think others compete with them. It's recently stopped bothering me, and now doesn't rile me up as much, for one simple reason: I do have a lot of things going for me. I now see it for what it is: insecurity.

 

Insecurity is always at the root of people like this. I completely get the harmless comment. These are the same people that don't ever see anything as being their fault- which is why it's near impossible to confront them on anything.

 

Confronting this girl on her behaviour would only serve to cause me more drama. She'd deny it and say it was harmless, then she would use my accusation to turn herself into the victim and use that as a reason to justify creating more issues with me.

 

It's just weird to have people build up this competition thing in their own head.

 

I had a "friend" in my college program that was a pathological liar- along with being "one of those girls". She once told everyone behind my back that she'd always hear me purging after I ate in the bathroom. A complete and utter lie that almost got me kicked out of my program because I was in a Child and Youth Work program. I got hauled into the Program Director's office and questioned by my prof's because apparantly my "friend" had come to them with concern over my health. THAT'S HOW HORRIBLE SOME WOMEN CAN ACTUALLY BE.

[whichwayisup]

You know what? I'm torn about that. I did warm up to him and we were getting along well- but when Donna came over and was paying him all these compliments and giving him so much attention, I could tell he enjoyed the ego boost just a little. I could tell he was uncomfortable because he kept looking at me. I know it's not his fault but I got turned off.

 

Actually it IS partially his fault. He could have told her, Sorry, can't really talk to you, I'm talking to your friend right now.

 

Yes, we all have a friend or two like this.

 

I remember having a huge crush on a guy at school, and my so called friend purposely went for him right after I told her i liked him. She made out in front of me too, looking at me as she would kiss him. Bleech!

 

Another time in high school, she tried to make a move on my boyfriend, asked him out, though he did say no. Thank GOD..lol

[D-Lish]

Actually it IS partially his fault. He could have told her, Sorry, can't really talk to you, I'm talking to your friend right now.

 

Yes, we all have a friend or two like this.

 

I remember having a huge crush on a guy at school, and my so called friend purposely went for him right after I told her i liked him. She made out in front of me too, looking at me as she would kiss him. Bleech!

 

Another time in high school, she tried to make a move on my boyfriend, asked him out, though he did say no. Thank GOD..lol

 

Having friends like these give me anxiety! I actually met a few of the girls after work for dinner tonight- minus Donna and her sidekick that have known one another since grade school.

 

It was pretty enlightening. All the girls have experienced this at one point or another. There reasoning for keep her around is of course the mutual friend that they do like and have fun with.

 

My birthday is coming up and we are trying to figure out what to do and how to exclude Donna without being obvious or cruel. I don't want her coming out to my b-day though.

 

Here's the best part after what transpired after I left... Donna apparantly told this guy I am anorexic and "everyone is concerned about me'... She's said this to the girls already behind my back. I'm 5'7" and 120lbs- hardly anorexic, just a lot thinner than SHE is. I guess this guy told his friend (who is dating one of the girls I like) and got an earfull of what Donna is all about.

 

I'm still all about why this guy didn't offer to walk me to my car- it was a perfect opportunity.

 

Most of these people- including this guy will probably be coming out for my b-day and the girls and bringing their bf's and my other gf said her bf is probably going to want to bring him out. Maybe it will be a second opportunity to talk to him and get a different perspective.

[Kamille]

I can't believe she's telling people you're anorexic and she's concerned. It's pretty obvious she's jealous of you and her way of dealing with that is to construct herself as "having it all together" and to construct you as somehow deficient and in need of help. Is it possible she also crashed your beach convo because she falsely believed she was protecting that guy from getting involved with you? As in, it wasn't so much to flirt with him, but to make sure he didn't fall for you? It would all make sense, she's jealous, is grasping at straws to feel superior, convinces herself and then gets to helicopter in to warn people about you, hence making her feel like she has control over you.

[Emilia]

I've only read the OP and a couple of responses so I don't know whether my point is still revelant:

 

Guys experience this as well because there are men that try to take another man's woman just because they are competitive, an example is guys that enjoy dating married men because they like having sex with someone else's wife.

 

don't give that guy a hard time, he probably didn't know how friendly you were with Donna and how to shake her off. He would not have wanted to come across impolite. Give him a chance

[freestyle]

I can't believe she's telling people you're anorexic and she's concerned. It's pretty obvious she's jealous of you and her way of dealing with that is to construct herself as "having it all together" and to construct you as somehow deficient and in need of help. Is it possible she also crashed your beach convo because she falsely believed she was protecting that guy from getting involved with you? As in, it wasn't so much to flirt with him, but to make sure he didn't fall for you? It would all make sense, she's jealous, is grasping at straws to feel superior, convinces herself and then gets to helicopter in to warn people about you, hence making her feel like she has control over you.

 

 

Very good description Kamille.....

 

Sounds to me like this woman crossed the line into blatant sabotage, with the anorexia comment.....sheesh........

 

I'm really surprised she hasn't been booted out of the circle of friends yet, if she's pulled this crap with others, too........

 

Oh, and somewhat OT----Happy Upcoming Birthday, D!!!!:bunny:

[D-Lish]

I can't believe she's telling people you're anorexic and she's concerned. It's pretty obvious she's jealous of you and her way of dealing with that is to construct herself as "having it all together" and to construct you as somehow deficient and in need of help. Is it possible she also crashed your beach convo because she falsely believed she was protecting that guy from getting involved with you? As in, it wasn't so much to flirt with him, but to make sure he didn't fall for you? It would all make sense, she's jealous, is grasping at straws to feel superior, convinces herself and then gets to helicopter in to warn people about you, hence making her feel like she has control over you.

 

That's the feeling I get myself- especially after talking to the girls about it at dinner. I also thinks she hates that I make people laugh when we're in a group- that's something else that takes the attention off of her. I think being "the new girl" immediately put a target on my back. I definitely think it's a way of asserting control- letting me know who's boss!

 

I'm just trying to distance myself from her. It just sucks to know that women in their late 30's still act like this.

 

 

Very good description Kamille.....

 

Sounds to me like this woman crossed the line into blatant sabotage, with the anorexia comment.....sheesh........

 

I'm really surprised she hasn't been booted out of the circle of friends yet, if she's pulled this crap with others, too........

 

Oh, and somewhat OT----Happy Upcoming Birthday, D!!!!:bunny:

 

Thanks- it's not until October 7th:) I don't normally do anything for my b-day, so it's nice to actually have a new social group that likes to acknowledge things like this. All my old social group are married with kids and so wrapped up in their families that I rarely see them. I've been pretty isolated for the past 3 years.

 

I think the only reason people put up with her is because her childhood friend (who is a wallflower) is someone all the other girls really like and have become close to- so they come as a package deal unfortunately.

 

I found out Donna has a kid from a previous marriage that lives with her exH and new wife. Funny thing is she's never talked about her kid in front of me! Just another red flag about her.

 

I might have been on the thin side when I met her- but I had just been dumped and I lost some weight rapidly. I've since put back on some weight. I was never "too thin" looking even at 115lbs. For someone that doesn't know you very well to spread a rumour that you're an anorexic is just plain mean.

 

The good thing is that beach guy got an earful from his buddy about what kind of girl Donna is. I'll see how things go on my b-day if we all don't go out again before that. I might be in a better frame of mind to get to know him the next time when this whole recent contact and meeting with my ex thing has passed.