Everyone knows a girl like this....

[quankanne]

unfortunately, men don't experience this kind of thing in their friendships because they don't detect nuances. For them, it's a straight-out thing, with no game-playing involved. Even if they hate each other, inevitably, it's pretty straight-forward, so they don't understand when we gals talk about this.

 

to the poster who suggested That Girl probably didn't know she was upsetting D-Lish, that's pure bullshxt. Those kinds of girls know exactly what they're doing, and why. The ones who do that and get called on it and actually change their behavior are the ones who are decent at best, but for the most part, these bitxhes do this intentionally because they don't like competition.

 

not sure what to say, D-Lish ... if you pull her aside and explain to her that you don't appreciate her behavior, she'll probably tell you that you misunderstood the whole situation, that she was just being friendly. Just keep a wide distance between she and thee, and you'll do fine.

 

as for the guy, it wouldn't hurt to see him in a setting that didn't involve her, maybe you'd get a better, truer reading of his personality. Chances are, he has no basic instinct when it comes to predators like That Girl!

[threebyfate]

Guys do it too. It's just that guys can detect guy crap and girls can detect girl crap.

 

You know me D. Any guy who enjoys a lot of external validation is someone to be wary of. This girl c-blocked you and the guy enjoyed the attention. I wouldn't put much energy into this guy.

[johan]

...This girl c-blocked you and the guy enjoyed the attention. I wouldn't put much energy into this guy.

 

This is a term I've never seen. What is the 'c' for?

[threebyfate]

D's the better person to explain this phenomenon.

[johan]

Is it for "crumpet"?

 

Or maybe it's for "cut", like the illegal cut block in football?

 

Hmm...

[somedude81]

As long as everyone keeps letting this girl get away with this behavior she will keep playing the same games.

That's the key right there. There were several opportunities/ways to end it.

 

Probably not being the most PC, is to just ask the woman to leave you alone. Or just give a really strong hint.

 

Just get up and go for a walk and tell the guy to come.

 

A more subtle way is to go to the friend you know the best, tell her what's going on and have her pull the other woman away.

 

Another girl text me to ask if I left because of Donna. I didn't say anything because I am newer in the friend group.

So she knew exactly what was going on. It's a shame she just watched and let it happen.

 

It sounds like your group is going to have to work together to keep Donna in check. There are ways to do it while keeping drama at a minimal level. But somebody needs to start taking action.

[D-Lish]

unfortunately, men don't experience this kind of thing in their friendships because they don't detect nuances. For them, it's a straight-out thing, with no game-playing involved. Even if they hate each other, inevitably, it's pretty straight-forward, so they don't understand when we gals talk about this.

 

to the poster who suggested That Girl probably didn't know she was upsetting D-Lish, that's pure bullshxt. Those kinds of girls know exactly what they're doing, and why. The ones who do that and get called on it and actually change their behavior are the ones who are decent at best, but for the most part, these bitxhes do this intentionally because they don't like competition.

 

not sure what to say, D-Lish ... if you pull her aside and explain to her that you don't appreciate her behavior, she'll probably tell you that you misunderstood the whole situation, that she was just being friendly. Just keep a wide distance between she and thee, and you'll do fine.

 

as for the guy, it wouldn't hurt to see him in a setting that didn't involve her, maybe you'd get a better, truer reading of his personality. Chances are, he has no basic instinct when it comes to predators like That Girl!

 

Oh, she knew what she was doing! I don't even think she took into consideration that it might upset me- because she was only thinking of herself. Something else that is very strange- she has a habit of copying my outfits! We were out once and everyone commented on liking this funky dress I had just bought- and asked where I got it...She went and bought the same dress and wore it a couple of weeks later.

 

I am not going to confront her at all- I know exactly her response "omg, I can't believe you'd think that of me, I'd never do that to you, I'm not like that, I was just being friendly! It really hurts me to know you think that...." Ah yes, the reverse guilt trip, I've heard it before. My mother-in-law would do something awful in a passive aggressive manner and then when confronted burst into tears and say "how could you think something so bad of me???"

 

Guys do it too. It's just that guys can detect guy crap and girls can detect girl crap.

 

You know me D. Any guy who enjoys a lot of external validation is someone to be wary of. This girl c-blocked you and the guy enjoyed the attention. I wouldn't put much energy into this guy.

 

That's how I feel about it, I lost interest when I saw it boosted his ego.

Then it got to the point where I could tell he was wondering what the heck was going on and it got really awkward. He just kept looking at me like I was going to help or something...

 

I'm going to see him socially most likely at some point- but the initial attraction I had is gone.

[D-Lish]

That's the key right there. There were several opportunities/ways to end it.

 

Probably not being the most PC, is to just ask the woman to leave you alone. Or just give a really strong hint.

 

Just get up and go for a walk and tell the guy to come.

 

A more subtle way is to go to the friend you know the best, tell her what's going on and have her pull the other woman away.

 

 

So she knew exactly what was going on. It's a shame she just watched and let it happen.

 

It sounds like your group is going to have to work together to keep Donna in check. There are ways to do it while keeping drama at a minimal level. But somebody needs to start taking action.

 

Like I said, I'm new to the group. I like all the girls. Donna has a dominant personality. I doubt anyone would confront her out of fear.

I wouldn't do it because I am not interested in causing waves. I talked to my mutual gf that wasn't there again today. She said she's done this sort of thing to everyone.

 

As soon as she commented on his bicep and touched it, and I saw him smile a little, I was over him.

[somedude81]

I wasn't really talking about confronting her. More like having somebody convincing her that something more interesting is somewhere else.

 

An example would be you and the guy are talking and Donna is there. One of your friends notices that you wish Donna was somewhere else, so she walks up to the three of you.

 

Chit chat then "Hey Donna, something cool is happening over here, lets go." Of course the actual dialogue is changed to be appropriate. And the situation would be handled.

 

As soon as she commented on his bicep and touched it, and I saw him smile a little, I was over him.

Eh, not much to expect from him, just a natural male reaction. Though she was totally out of line doing it in that situation.

[D-Lish]

I wasn't really talking about confronting her. More like having somebody convincing her that something more interesting is somewhere else.

 

An example would be you and the guy are talking and Donna is there. One of your friends notices that you wish Donna was somewhere else, so she walks up to the three of you.

 

Chit chat then "Hey Donna, something cool is happening over here, lets go." Of course the actual dialogue is changed to be appropriate. And the situation would be handled.

 

Eh, not much to expect from him, just a natural male reaction. Though she was totally out of line doing it in that situation.

 

I guess you think about things in retrospect, but when the actual situation is happening, you're kinda in shock about what is happening and don't always know how to react.

 

I know it's hard for guy to understand female dynamics- but from what I gather this girl is the "leader" or "alpha female" of the group. The more I've talked to my gf about it (a mutual friend that introduced me to them), the more stories I've heard. Apparantly she's the bully/manipulator type and what she did to me, she's done over and over again to everyone else over the years. My gf says she's already made comments when I wasn't around bringing up that I'm too skinny and must have an eating disorder, lol. What I actually have is break up weight loss- but she's obviously one of those "bitchy" girls I don't want to associate with.

 

Personally I think this was her way of letting me know where I stand in the "pecking order"...

 

That's not going to fly with me. I've had gf's like this before and they make the dynamics in your friend group miserable. My gf and I have decided to limit the amount of time we spend with her which is a relief for me.

 

You'd think at 38 years old, high school would be a thing of the past- but highschool never ends for some people.

 

Donna is obviously very insecure to act in this kind of manner.

Edited September 7, 2011 by D-Lish

[D-Lish]

Do you guys mind if I keep this thread alive?

 

I posted late last night, and it didn't get picked up again.

My last poster was a spammer that got deleted.

[Kamille]

Ha! Oh yes, I have friends like this. I don't know how this friend of yours is, but what gets me the most about my friends who are like this is that they usually are completely delusional about their motivations. I think they truly believe they're just being nice, and cute, and charming.

[LurkerXX]

Oh yes-the old 'I am going to charm everyone around me that shows an interest in you 'friend'.' Aren't they so special and button cute! There is a proportion of the population that is just like this, male and female, and if you tell them to shove it, it makes you look like a crazy person:rolleyes:. You are playing it right-others in the group already empathize.

[threebyfate]

One of my oldest and dearest friends used to be like this. Whenever a guy would show interest or I would show interest in him, she would be all over him. At first, it was annoying. Then, a pattern emerged. The guys who would take her up on her offer, all dined and dashed. So then, it stopped bothering me since she acted like a natural filter for the retards.

 

Over the years, she matured out of this pattern so it worked out in the end. Hopefully this woman will mature out of it too although that's no guarantee. From what I've seen, some never stop their incessant need for opposite gender attention. And speaking of, that's what happened with the guy. He's filtered himself out.

[NXS]

I don't understand why you're saying guys don't get this when the guy in question clearly understood what was going on. The reason you were turned off from him was that he didn't do something about the situation, but then again neither did you and he wasn't in a position to know your group's dynamics. He didn't know if you are best friends or what was going on. Guys know that a lot of women want their girl friends to like their boyfriend so he didn't want to be rude to her and wanted to try and fit in out of respect for you. Frankly he seems like a decent guy.

[freestyle]

One of my oldest and dearest friends used to be like this. Whenever a guy would show interest or I would show interest in him, she would be all over him. At first, it was annoying. Then, a pattern emerged. The guys who would take her up on her offer, all dined and dashed. So then, it stopped bothering me since she acted like a natural filter for the retards.

 

Over the years, she matured out of this pattern so it worked out in the end. Hopefully this woman will mature out of it too although that's no guarantee. From what I've seen, some never stop their incessant need for opposite gender attention. And speaking of, that's what happened with the guy. He's filtered himself out.

 

 

actually, that's a great way to view it!! (regarding the bolded)

[freestyle]

To D-Lish

 

Oh, I've known a handful of women like you described. It's like Junior High Revisited.........

 

I'm inclined to believe that there are a few who know EXACTLY what they're doing---that it is deliberate, and conscious.

 

In those cases, I believe it's more than just a need to hog the spotlight--it's also a need to validate themselves by demonstrating that they can turn a taken man's head----the classic female catty competition--

 

(*See how much hotter I am then HER!!*)

 

It is rather pathetic when you see a grown woman act that way......

 

 

Histrionic Personality Disorder comes to mind, when I see that kind of behavior..........

[threebyfate]

Thanks freestyle.

 

In these types of situations, it really has nothing to do with the guy. While he may believe it's because women are fighting over him, they're just fighting over dominance between them or in most cases, it's one woman trying to dominate the other due to insecurity.

[yessy21]

HA. I know that type. And i was the naive little girl when this happened the first time. The second time I didnt play nice and she never ever again did this to me.

 

When her interest came.... I played an all eyes on him. and She was so caught up thinking i wanted him that she didnt even notice me holding the arm of my beloved.... at the moment.

 

Her eyes caught me doing something that in her mind she didnt approve of, she missed all the other things that were happening in her surrounding.

 

Its tricky but it works.

 

As for him.... it is a turnoff but she was literaly throwing herself at him and he is a Man with a mind that wanders... he couldnt help it. Imagine is a semi attractive male was hitting on u... ud be flattered and ur ego would boost ...

 

Be glad ur seen as dating material not a one night stand.

 

because in the end thats what it would end up as.

[D-Lish]

Ha! Oh yes, I have friends like this. I don't know how this friend of yours is, but what gets me the most about my friends who are like this is that they usually are completely delusional about their motivations. I think they truly believe they're just being nice, and cute, and charming.

 

I agree they are delusional. I had to ditch a friend that was like this. For some reason she decided we were in some sort of competition. Over the 5 years of knowing one another, she just plain became more competetive and increasingly hostile towards me. She was not one to be reasoned with as she was effing crazy. She was the meanest drunk I've ever met. I was so glad to ditch her from my life.

 

Oh yes-the old 'I am going to charm everyone around me that shows an interest in you 'friend'.' Aren't they so special and button cute! There is a proportion of the population that is just like this, male and female, and if you tell them to shove it, it makes you look like a crazy person:rolleyes:. You are playing it right-others in the group already empathize.

 

They do understand- they are just afraid to do anything because of her domineering personality!

 

One of my oldest and dearest friends used to be like this. Whenever a guy would show interest or I would show interest in him, she would be all over him. At first, it was annoying. Then, a pattern emerged. The guys who would take her up on her offer, all dined and dashed. So then, it stopped bothering me since she acted like a natural filter for the retards.

 

Over the years, she matured out of this pattern so it worked out in the end. Hopefully this woman will mature out of it too although that's no guarantee. From what I've seen, some never stop their incessant need for opposite gender attention. And speaking of, that's what happened with the guy. He's filtered himself out.

 

This woman is 38, I don't think she'll outgrow it. I'm too old to be acquiring "friends" like this! After the behaviour she displayed the other day I said to myself "really? another one???":laugh:

 

I don't understand why you're saying guys don't get this when the guy in question clearly understood what was going on. The reason you were turned off from him was that he didn't do something about the situation, but then again neither did you and he wasn't in a position to know your group's dynamics. He didn't know if you are best friends or what was going on. Guys know that a lot of women want their girl friends to like their boyfriend so he didn't want to be rude to her and wanted to try and fit in out of respect for you. Frankly he seems like a decent guy.

 

Some guys do get it. But yes, it would have been nice for him to take control of the situation and just simply say- D-Lish, let's go swimming.

In my last relationship my bf was a passive guy that shied from anything close to resembling rocking the boat... While I was sitting there I started to see some of the same characteristics, and I think that's what turned me off more than anything now that I've had time to think about it.

 

To D-Lish

 

Oh, I've known a handful of women like you described. It's like Junior High Revisited.........

 

I'm inclined to believe that there are a few who know EXACTLY what they're doing---that it is deliberate, and conscious.

 

In those cases, I believe it's more than just a need to hog the spotlight--it's also a need to validate themselves by demonstrating that they can turn a taken man's head----the classic female catty competition--

 

(*See how much hotter I am then HER!!*)

 

It is rather pathetic when you see a grown woman act that way......

 

 

Histrionic Personality Disorder comes to mind, when I see that kind of behavior..........

 

I agree with the Histrionic PD. She's always the loudest girl in the room, and breaking a fingernail is tantamount to losing a loved one for this girl:laugh:

 

The thing is the two of us are night and day in the looks department.

She's pretty- curvy, a lot shorter than I am. Dark hair, darker features- and I am the exact opposite. Tall, thin, blonde and pasty white:p.

 

There's nothing to compete with- because we are two different "types" when it comes to men and what they are looking for. She has massive boobs (fake)- and the kind of men that are attracted to the kind of woman that gets a boob job will not be attracted to me.

 

 

HA. I know that type. And i was the naive little girl when this happened the first time. The second time I didnt play nice and she never ever again did this to me.

 

When her interest came.... I played an all eyes on him. and She was so caught up thinking i wanted him that she didnt even notice me holding the arm of my beloved.... at the moment.

 

Her eyes caught me doing something that in her mind she didnt approve of, she missed all the other things that were happening in her surrounding.

 

Its tricky but it works.

 

As for him.... it is a turnoff but she was literaly throwing herself at him and he is a Man with a mind that wanders... he couldnt help it. Imagine is a semi attractive male was hitting on u... ud be flattered and ur ego would boost ...

 

Be glad ur seen as dating material not a one night stand.

 

because in the end thats what it would end up as.

 

A man can have a mind that wanders- but when you see it on a first meeting, it's a bit of a turn off. Not that I think he was thinking "I want to tap that"... But I would have liked for him to take charge of the situation and pull me away. The fact that he let me leave and didn't ask for my number in person on the spot, and instead decided to wait and ask my friend for my my number after I left doesn't sit well with me.

[Tayla]

(edited)

 

 

A man can have a mind that wanders- but when you see it on a first meeting, it's a bit of a turn off. Not that I think he was thinking "I want to tap that"... But I would have liked for him to take charge of the situation and pull me away. The fact that he let me leave and didn't ask for my number in person on the spot, and instead decided to wait and ask my friend for my my number after I left doesn't sit well with me.

 

This is the part that nails it D'Lish. I think in part he could have stepped out of arms reach from this creature and been a better gent.

 

The guys at my work actually love IT when girls are viaing over them. I dont via over anyone...I walk ....no one is worth it if it takes losing a friend in the process. As 3byfate said...Think of her as a Filter for the Dorks.

I sure hope the guy calls you ! At least then you can get a feel if he is genuinely interested or just a player....(I think he's the real thing though!)

Best to you and keep your enemies close...ITs best to have them in front of you then at your backside.....

[visualbasicide]

I know men and women like this, mostly women though for some reason. I tend not to spend much time with or around or worrying about these people, they end up in trouble more often than not and I don't like being around when it finally happens. heh.

 

Maybe the guy was just trying to be...polite? Seriously, it seems to me he would rather have not had her intrude but didn't want to be an ass and tell her to go somewhere else. He probably read your emotions when you decided to leave and didn't know if it was her or him you were upset with. It's painfully obvious who he liked more. idk, men always like an ego boost, its not narcissism, it's like emotional vitamins for self confidence.

 

idk where this went, so im gonna go read back up

[AHardDaysNight]

I used to know a girl like this.

 

She was also a backstabber, and always wanted to be the center of attention. Needless to say, sooner or later she wasn't receiving mine anymore!

[iris219]

I used to have a very good friend just like your friend. She had a BF, but couldn’t stand it if a guy was paying attention to me and not her, and would do everything to shift the attention. I’m not an attention seeker and I will never compete with another woman for a man’s attention in outrageous ways, so if the guy valued silly sexual flirtation over intelligent conversation, I would tell myself he wasn’t the one for me anyway. It still bothered me, though. I couldn’t understand why my happiness was less important than her being the center of attention.

 

One time I called her out on her behavior and she proceeded to act very innocent and like she had no idea what I was talking about. In order to stop the behavior, the person would have to admit to themselves that they are doing something wrong, which my friend was not ready to do.

 

She also hated it when I would pay attention to other women and not her. She would even say things to me like , “Stop talking to her. You’re here with me.” She was very jealous of my female friends (and she, incidentally, didn’t many—big surprise).

 

I ended up having to stop being friends with her, which was unfortunate because we were really good friends. We had fun together (most of the time) and she was a good friend in many ways, but I’m happier not having her in my life.

[D-Lish]

This is the part that nails it D'Lish. I think in part he could have stepped out of arms reach from this creature and been a better gent.

 

The guys at my work actually love IT when girls are viaing over them. I dont via over anyone...I walk ....no one is worth it if it takes losing a friend in the process. As 3byfate said...Think of her as a Filter for the Dorks.

I sure hope the guy calls you ! At least then you can get a feel if he is genuinely interested or just a player....(I think he's the real thing though!)

Best to you and keep your enemies close...ITs best to have them in front of you then at your backside.....

 

I actually told my friend I wasn't interested in him after the whole thing happened- it just left too much of a bad taste in my mouth. I'll see him again I am sure as we run in the same circle. I don't think I am interested now looking back- he had some characteristics that my ex had, and I saw a faint part of him in this new guy....

 

I'm avoiding "the girl" for a while, which is too bad because I really like and get along with the rest of them.