Dianyell Posted September 13, 2000 Share Posted September 13, 2000 I wanted someone to help me figure why people stay in certain relatonships. how do you get out of a relationship that can be life threating. i mean, i don,t think that its life threaten but i feel that if i leave him he will try to hurt me Link to post Share on other sites
Jenna Posted September 13, 2000 Share Posted September 13, 2000 are you staying in the relationship because you fear for your safety? Or are you staying because your dependent on him in some way- whether it be emotional, financial or otherwise. We need a little more information about your situation before we can offer good advice. Tell us a little more about you, him, and the details about why you think he'll hurt you. Jenna I wanted someone to help me figure why people stay in certain relatonships. how do you get out of a relationship that can be life threating. i mean, i don,t think that its life threaten but i feel that if i leave him he will try to hurt me Link to post Share on other sites
Dianyell Posted September 13, 2000 Share Posted September 13, 2000 are you staying in the relationship because you fear for your safety? Or are you staying because your dependent on him in some way- whether it be emotional, financial or otherwise. We need a little more information about your situation before we can offer good advice. Tell us a little more about you, him, and the details about why you think he'll hurt you. Jenna well I am with him because I have been in alot of bad relationshps. O.k this is the story. I met him in December and everything was cool and then we moved together in April and every since then he has been so controling. Trying to choose my friends, telling me when and where and can go trying to budget my money. He has hit me a couple of times, but then quickly apologizes saying that I made him do it. He purchased everything in our apartment and say that i really dont have anything without him. I really want out but I am trying to hold out unto I get out of college because he is paying my tuition. I know that is petty but I have a child and I want a better life for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Delissa Posted September 13, 2000 Share Posted September 13, 2000 Well I really dont think this is whats best for you or your child. Is there some where else you can go? I understand about your college education, I do know how important that is, but your safety and the welfare of your childs mental state is much more valuable. You are not the first and only woman in this kind of situation, and you wont be the last. Men only do what women let them do. You have to put an end to this. Does your child witness these incidents? Because if he\she does you have to realize the affect this may have on his/her standards. Where are your parents? Can they be of any help? There are fundings and grant you can receive to further finance your education. You dont need him for that!!!!!! Please.....you must get out of this one now! Link to post Share on other sites
Jenna Posted September 13, 2000 Share Posted September 13, 2000 Your boyfriend has displayed the classic signs of a person who is a chronic abuser. He WILL NOT get better without serious and continued professional help. Accepting this is the very first thing you need to do. Professional counseling wouldn't be a bad idea for you either. You said that you have had several bad relationships in the past..... there is a reason for this. Try to pin point the cause- so that you will be able to choose better partners in the future. As for staying for financial reasons, this is not an excuse. And realistically, probably isn't the true reason why you are staying- although you may not be consciously aware of it yourself. I think you may have a co-dependancy issue here, infact I am almost certain of it-given the information in your post. This too will continue unless you seek professional help. You may even pass these traits onto your child-without meaning to. Children learn what they live- it is true,true, true. Can your family offer you a safe place to go? What about friends? There are other services available to help you get out of this terrible situation- contact your local human resources center- they have a multitude of services to teach you how to make it on your own- and be a healthier person. They can also assist you in seeking protection for yourself-if you fear for your safety. You stated in your post that you are waiting until you finish school.....consider this........ you may not be mentally able to leave if you wait- this type of lifestyle can quickly break you of any feelings of self-worth, it will eventually leave you feeling that you have no choice but to stay and live with the nightmare. Or even worse, your child could end up without a mother at all......like I said earlier- abusers get worse. Let us know how you are doing, and good luck. Jenna Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted September 13, 2000 Share Posted September 13, 2000 Because you are using him to get through school and because he has hit you and belittles your contribution to the relationship, this is not a love relationship. It is based on fear. I have had boyfriends who threatened me if I thought of leaving them in the past. That is a horrible reason to stay with someone. People don't own each other. Slavery has been abolished. But some people don't know how to love, only to control. School is not that important if your underlying life is unhappy and you are living in fear of violence. Your boyfriend has displayed the classic signs of a person who is a chronic abuser. He WILL NOT get better without serious and continued professional help. Accepting this is the very first thing you need to do. Professional counseling wouldn't be a bad idea for you either. You said that you have had several bad relationships in the past..... there is a reason for this. Try to pin point the cause- so that you will be able to choose better partners in the future. As for staying for financial reasons, this is not an excuse. And realistically, probably isn't the true reason why you are staying- although you may not be consciously aware of it yourself. I think you may have a co-dependancy issue here, infact I am almost certain of it-given the information in your post. This too will continue unless you seek professional help. You may even pass these traits onto your child-without meaning to. Children learn what they live- it is true,true, true. Can your family offer you a safe place to go? What about friends? There are other services available to help you get out of this terrible situation- contact your local human resources center- they have a multitude of services to teach you how to make it on your own- and be a healthier person. They can also assist you in seeking protection for yourself-if you fear for your safety. You stated in your post that you are waiting until you finish school.....consider this........ you may not be mentally able to leave if you wait- this type of lifestyle can quickly break you of any feelings of self-worth, it will eventually leave you feeling that you have no choice but to stay and live with the nightmare. Or even worse, your child could end up without a mother at all......like I said earlier- abusers get worse. Let us know how you are doing, and good luck. Jenna Link to post Share on other sites
dawn Posted September 13, 2000 Share Posted September 13, 2000 hey there girl! GET OUTTA THERE! if u feel threatened in ANY way, he's not the guy 4 you. If u need some security, stay w/friends and family, any one close to you. What makes you think he wont hurt you if he hasnt yet? getting out of that is the best you can do! Besides hasnt his words hurt you already?? I wanted someone to help me figure why people stay in certain relatonships. how do you get out of a relationship that can be life threating. i mean, i don,t think that its life threaten but i feel that if i leave him he will try to hurt me Link to post Share on other sites
Dianyell Posted September 15, 2000 Share Posted September 15, 2000 hey there girl! GET OUTTA THERE! if u feel threatened in ANY way, he's not the guy 4 you. If u need some security, stay w/friends and family, any one close to you. What makes you think he wont hurt you if he hasnt yet? getting out of that is the best you can do! Besides hasnt his words hurt you already?? Iplan on leaving this weekend i just found somewhere to go and i wanted to just thank everyone who wrote your support really helped maked my decision Thank YOu Link to post Share on other sites
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