Guys is this a fallacy?

[willowthewisp]

Hi all,

 

Some people say that if a women is very attractive, men will not approach her to ask her out or chat her up because they feel that they will not have a chance.

 

Is this ture? Or is this just something women say to other women to make them feel better about themselves when they never get approached by men but are getting eyed up by men from afar?

 

Thanks

[GoodOnPaper]

I remove women from consideration for being "too attractive" all the time. I don't think I'm ever altering my or her fate, anyway. Insecurities aside, I want to be able to feel more comfortable around my partner than with any other woman. That's tough to do if I'm constantly worrying about daily competition.

 

I find it hard to believe that the most attractive women actually have few men approach. There are millions of guys whose competitive juices are stirred up by trying to date the hottest women possible. I doubt that my refusal to play that game would disappoint any of them.

[carhill]

IME, 99.9% of such women are obviously attached (wedding ring) or demonstrably attached (mention boyfriend). I know this because I do approach them or engage them or respond to their approach. The hottest ones have historically been the most sexually aggressive.

 

ETA, there was a time when I did not approach such women, back in high school/college, mainly due to repeated rejections and my immature way of processing them, e.g., taking it personally.

[somedude81]

False, attractive women get hit on all the time; as long as they are not broadcasting "don't talk to me" signals.

[AHardDaysNight]

I think it's false. Attractive women do get approached all the time, except they reject 99% of the approached.

 

I don't want to be rejected, so I don't approach.

[threebyfate]

Fallacy...

[Zaphod B]

I'm inclined to lean towards true. For me the more beautiful, the more scared I was to approach her.

 

However now I have come to the conclusion that beautiful women are generally the same as the unattractive ones. They still have things they hate about themselves, they still have the same hopes and desires and just because they are beautiful does not mean they will find me unattractive. There is just as much chance that a beautiful woman will find me attractive as an average looking woman will. It's all about personal preferences. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[Zaphod B]

Of course beautiful women are going to be hit on more than unattractive ones, but that does not prove that OP statement as false. The real question is how many guys will not hit on a beautiful woman because they believe they are out of their league? I'd say a lot.

[Zaphod B]

But it's not just about what they believe in, it's about what they do. The fact is non-confident men are less likely to talk to women who are beautiful because they figure they are out of their league so therefore it makes the OP statement true.

 

Perhaps the statement should read:

 

if a women is very attractive, MANY men will not approach her to ask her out or chat her up because they feel that they will not have a chance

 

Unconfident man + Beautiful woman = No approach

Average man + Beautiful woman = Possible approach

Confident man + beautiful woman = Approach

 

Thus: Many men will not approach beautiful women.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Zaphod B

[threebyfate]

What's the definition for average? It means the norm or median where the bulk of the male population reside.

 

Look less at confidence and more at divining rod pull. If a woman isn't being approached by men, it's not because she's "too" anything. She's one of the following:

1. Is in an environment and lifestyle where there's not much contact with men like a cloistered nunnery.
   
2. Doesn't have as much to offer as she believes.
   
3. Is sending out bad vibes.
   

[Cracker Jack]

But it's not just about what they believe in, it's about what they do. The fact is non-confident men are less likely to talk to women who are beautiful because they figure they are out of their league so therefore it makes the OP statement true.

 

Perhaps the statement should read:

 

if a women is very attractive, MANY men will not approach her to ask her out or chat her up because they feel that they will not have a chance

 

Unconfident man + Beautiful woman = No approach

Average man + Beautiful woman = Possible approach

Confident man + beautiful woman = Approach

 

Thus: Many men will not approach beautiful women.

 

Pretty much how I see it. And a few of my attractive female friends would often complain about tons of men staring at them but not approaching them. They were still approached, but were more used to being stared at than approached. It could be the vibes, tho, like TBF mentioned. These are good women, so I doubt they're trying to avoid approaches.

 

But yeah, there'll definitely be a ton of men who'll avoid the approach, simply because they'll assume the woman is "out of their league", which is normal.

[willowthewisp]

Pretty much how I see it. And a few of my attractive female friends would often complain about tons of men staring at them but not approaching them. They were still approached, but were more used to being stared at than approached. It could be the vibes, tho, like TBF mentioned. These are good women, so I doubt they're trying to avoid approaches.

 

But yeah, there'll definitely be a ton of men who'll avoid the approach, simply because they'll assume the woman is "out of their league", which is normal.

 

This is what I was getting at.

 

What are "don't approach me vibes" then?

[carhill]

This is what I was getting at.

 

What are "don't approach me vibes" then?

Lack of direct eye contact.

 

Facial expressions closed. Lack of smile.

 

Closed body language.

[willowthewisp]

Lack of direct eye contact.

 

Facial expressions closed. Lack of smile.

 

Closed body language.

 

OK so what should a women who is shy do then if she feels uncomfortable making eye contact but is smiley in general?

 

Do men mind if a women approaches them and starts conversation?

[visualbasicide]

I for one have never minded. But then again I don't have much sense and approach anyone if I feel like it. Though it is more memorable if I get approached as it happens far less than the other way around.

[visualbasicide]

And smiley is always good, because if someone isn't smiling there's bad vibes.

[carhill]

OK so what should a women who is shy do then if she feels uncomfortable making eye contact but is smiley in general?

 

Do men mind if a women approaches them and starts conversation?

Look at it this way. A man shows desire by approaching someone. That's a risk. He's vulnerable, if only for the briefest of moments. The least a woman can do is make eye contact and show she notices him, like he's not invisible. That's it. No proclamations; no swooning. Just quiet eye contact and a bit of open body language. As an example, a woman who is intently staring at something with her arms folded across her chest would not inspire me to approach. The same woman with more relaxed body language and not staring intently, but rather looking at the same object (imagine an item at a store) and also looking around would seem to be more approachable.

 

I start conversations with women all the time in the grocery store. I can generally predict who's married by how easily that goes. The married ones are generally the most friendly. The look me right in they eye, smile and initiate conversation or spontaneously mention something about what I'm looking at, etc. Once in a great while someone who isn't wearing a ring does that, but usually they end up being attached, mentioning 'my boyfriend and I', etc., etc.

[Zaphod B]

Carhill, talking to women in a grocery store seems like a good idea to me and something I've thought about myself. Wouldn't it be kind of difficult though, seeing as you're on the move all the time going from aisle to aisle? I guess the idea is to try to stop them and get them standing around for a while talking to you?

[carhill]

I see it this way. Humans have free will. We can zoom through the grocery store like a tornado or we can stroll and stop like a breeze on a warm spring day. Everything is a choice. Now, granted, I don't live in a big city and things around here are pretty much never in a hurry so YMMV, but I have no problems chatting up ladies in stores of most any sort, even the 'man store', like Home Depot or Lowe's. I recall a pretty hot young lady commenting on a 'burger' shirt I was wearing at HD one day and that got us talking about our Hawaii trips (the 'burger' joint was on Maui) for a good ten minutes. Neither of us had to stop and talk. We chose to.

 

Also, closer to home for you, I had no trouble talking to women in stores and pubs when in Wellington and Auckland. Perhaps they were attracted to my American accent, IDK. No romantic connections but, then again, I was married

[Felixtheecat]

I can't say that it's true 100% of the time, but i've seen it happen. On the other side of the spectrum i've seen the opposite.

[Centaurus]

100% Fallacy.

 

Think of all the players out there that are trying to hone their skills? Just based on that means that girls in the 8 to 10 scale will get hit on very frequently. Youll notice that those girls have an instant wall against approaches, kind of like the way you deal with telemarketers. Instant rejection.

 

The girls that complain about not getting hit on are referring to NOT getting hit on by a guy driving a BMW and pulling in 500k as a Pediatrician.

[Shion]

It's very true. I refuse even to attempt to have a conversation with an attractive girl because they're always (at least the ones I meet) arrogant, aloof and taken.