My b/f cheated on me but I'm afraid to confront him

[sweetangel23]

I'm new to this and a little nervous about posting my problem but everybody I know tells me I shouldn't say anything to my b/f. Let me give you a little background on the issue first. Me and my b/f have been together for 6 yr now and we are planning on getting married. About 2 yrs into the relationship, I found out that he had been trying to hookup with girls online. I confronted him about it and he promised to stop, well a few months later I found that he was still doing it so again he promised to stop and that they meant nothing to him, that it was just all talk..nothing more. Well it didn't stop bc I found out 3 more times about his computer "affairs".I know what ya'll are thinking, why did I keep giving him"second" chances...Well I really love him and didn't want to throw away nearly 3 years together, plus I believed him when he said it was nothing more than just talk. I do believe that the computer stuff is over but a few days ago I came across a little notebook that has the names of girls that he's "scored" with, most of the names is before my time and really don't care about that, it's just that three names that are on the list are three of the girls that he just "talked" to on the computer. I haven't said nothing to him bc I'm scared to confront him on it. He's the love of my life and we are having a baby...I do want to forget all about it but it just makes me sick to know that he actually did something with those girls. Well anyways if ya'll could give me a little advice on this, I'd really appreciate it.

 

Thanks,

 

B

[dalmatianbaby]

I realize you must be scared to confront him, as it could mean the ending the relationship. The question is...do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering where his is, who he's with and what they're doing? Love isn't like that.

 

As an expectant mother, you owe it to yourself and your child to find a good relationship. Children learn by example. Would you want your son or daughter to stick around in a relationship like yours? Would you want them to feel the pain you're feeling? Do you want him or her to be there when this finally comes to a head and have them witness the fighting, anger, and heartbreak?

 

I know that the prospect of being a single mother must be scary...but if you are single, you can find someone who's as in love with you as you are with him.

 

I hope this helps in some way, shape or form.

 

Dalmatianbaby

[bluechocolate]

First you have to put this marriage on hold.

 

Then you and your boyfriend, who is also the father of your child, have to get yourselves into some counselling. if he is not interested in going to counselling then he is not marrying material. You should each have individual sessions before joint sessions and you need to be totally honest with your counsellor about what is going on. If you're involved with a local church at all they should be able to recommend someone for you.

 

There is a definite problem here and if you go into this marriage afraid to talk to him and worried that he's cheating then things are only going to get worse. If you want to hang onto this man then you owe it to yourself and your child to make sure that he can get over his internet affairs and his cheating before you get married. This is not going to go away all by itself.

[dudesomewhere]

why should you be scared?

 

You shouldn't even be involved with this guy. If you have low esteem and self worth than go ahead and stay with him. But if you love yourself and even your baby you would move on. You are his crutch, he cares nothing of you other than probably a tax break. He's a compulsive liar and cheater who's shown he'll never stop cheating which means he'll never respect you. Marrying him only reinforces that.

 

You can be in a marriage where the woman is a subserviant slave or you can be in a loving balanced relationship where someone actually values your worth, respects and loves you.

 

In relationships these things tie together, if someone loves you they respect you, if they respect you they don't lie to you. Does someone love you if they lie? Does someone love you if they don't respect you?

 

This shouldn't be a matter of being afraid to confront someone, it should be a matter of moving on. What kind of horrible relationship do you want to hold on to? Find yourself something real.