Lover or Friends???

[Blue eyes]

Lets start with I have been with this guy for 10 years out of them 10 we broke up for 3 years b/c he was in jail and the other 7 years we have been together. I thought are relationship we had when we frist started dateing b/c I lived in one state and he live in another state, we did it like that for a few years until I said I couldn't do it anymore, b/c he was in jail all of the time and he did not want to stay out of trouble, so I had to more on I didn't want to but I did. I stayed in love with hime ven after we broke up, well 3 years went by and we see each other for the frist time in 3 years and it was like a fire started between us I had a child by that time and he fell in love with her. So we talked about us and the baby, after 2 months of talking and seeing if he had changed from what he was then to what he was at that time, he did change and that made me want him back. So we got back together things was great with us and the baby, we moved out of his home town for about 2 years, he got in a little bit of trouble got put in jail and that left me with a baby and one income it was hard.I tryed and I had friends that helped. But I had this guy friend that I thought was a friend rape me, I didn't call the cop or did I tell my boyfriend when he was in jail nor when he got out, but then when he got out 3 months after that happen to me I found out that I was going to be haveing a baby it made me happy just the thought of us haveing a bigger family. So we moved back to his home town to where his mom could help me, she did alot b/c I found out that the baby was not my boyfriends that the baby was from the rape. I didn't know what to do I did not want tolose him and I did not want to give a part of me up, so we talked about it and we come to the understanding that it might not be his but it is now. So we go on with are live, I had a girl. And after I had the baby me live with him went down hill he started running with trash , why I say trash b/c that is what thay are. See we never had any fights untill he got with them now he stays out all night no calls don;t come home, that just made us fight more then we ever did befor. And now after two years of the same stuff he leaves me and the kids to be with his friend, I didn;t know what to do anymore, I tryed and tryed so after two monthsI start seening this guy he could give me and my kids everthing we ever wanted, so when he found out that I was seening some one else he then wanted me and the kids back I tryed to get him to talk to me in that 2 month time we was apart but he did not want to talk to me, but then we talked, and we got back together agian? He told me that he did not want me and the kids around that guy I was seening or around his friend or family, so I told him that I felt that his friends was the problem in are relationship and that I did not want him around them plus I found out that one wanted to go out with him, so I just felt that he did not need to be around them at all. Everything was fine for about 3 weeks until I found him back running with trash, and now evertime we get in to it he want to leave me and the kids. I have had words with his friend and told them to stay out of are lives but thay are still in my live, his friend is a gigglo, no job no money no car not a thing and his sister a whore and that is trueI have been told by to meny people even her friends and her step dauther is turning out to be like her but he dad move her to her moms out of state but he is getting letters sent to him from her to her dads house for my boyfriend with love you at the end and he was not a man to tell me I found it out on my own. He still gose down there even with me saying that he can't, I stayed way from everone that he asked me to why can't he. All I want is my life back with him not his friends?

[Jenna]

Oh dear Blue Eyes....

 

I don't think this is what you want to hear- but you need to let this one go. You have to think about your children- who I bet are the joy of your life. You must work towards providing them with a stable home life.... if you only knew how very important this will be as they are growing.

 

Your boyfriend has obviously proven that he does not have the ability to make wise and responsible decisions. I say this because of your detailed description of this troubled past, run ins with the law, being in jail and poor choice of friends. He is likely to never change his ways..... and could quite possibly become worse over time.

 

Since people are not often successful in "choosing" their partner's friends, you must realize that your boyfriend will spend time with whom ever he chooses. And have you ever heard the expression , "birds of a feather-flock together" ? This means that people tend to seek out peers that are usually of their same upbringing, financial status, level of education, religion, and have similar morals and standards. You might be blind to the ways of your boyfriend- so instead- take a good look at his friends. What you see in them- is most likely what others see in your boyfriend. Of course I am basing this on your posting- so keep this in mind.

 

If you have aspirations of leading a happy healthy life- and providing the same for your children- move on- away from this man. If you need help financially or otherwise- there are groups, government programs and individuals who are skilled in assisting people who want to make it on their own.

 

Good luck, Jenna

Lets start with I have been with this guy for 10 years out of them 10 we broke up for 3 years b/c he was in jail and the other 7 years we have been together. I thought are relationship we had when we frist started dateing b/c I lived in one state and he live in another state, we did it like that for a few years until I said I couldn't do it anymore, b/c he was in jail all of the time and he did not want to stay out of trouble, so I had to more on I didn't want to but I did. I stayed in love with hime ven after we broke up, well 3 years went by and we see each other for the frist time in 3 years and it was like a fire started between us I had a child by that time and he fell in love with her. So we talked about us and the baby, after 2 months of talking and seeing if he had changed from what he was then to what he was at that time, he did change and that made me want him back. So we got back together things was great with us and the baby, we moved out of his home town for about 2 years, he got in a little bit of trouble got put in jail and that left me with a baby and one income it was hard.I tryed and I had friends that helped. But I had this guy friend that I thought was a friend rape me, I didn't call the cop or did I tell my boyfriend when he was in jail nor when he got out, but then when he got out 3 months after that happen to me I found out that I was going to be haveing a baby it made me happy just the thought of us haveing a bigger family. So we moved back to his home town to where his mom could help me, she did alot b/c I found out that the baby was not my boyfriends that the baby was from the rape. I didn't know what to do I did not want tolose him and I did not want to give a part of me up, so we talked about it and we come to the understanding that it might not be his but it is now. So we go on with are live, I had a girl. And after I had the baby me live with him went down hill he started running with trash , why I say trash b/c that is what thay are. See we never had any fights untill he got with them now he stays out all night no calls don;t come home, that just made us fight more then we ever did befor. And now after two years of the same stuff he leaves me and the kids to be with his friend, I didn;t know what to do anymore, I tryed and tryed so after two monthsI start seening this guy he could give me and my kids everthing we ever wanted, so when he found out that I was seening some one else he then wanted me and the kids back I tryed to get him to talk to me in that 2 month time we was apart but he did not want to talk to me, but then we talked, and we got back together agian? He told me that he did not want me and the kids around that guy I was seening or around his friend or family, so I told him that I felt that his friends was the problem in are relationship and that I did not want him around them plus I found out that one wanted to go out with him, so I just felt that he did not need to be around them at all. Everything was fine for about 3 weeks until I found him back running with trash, and now evertime we get in to it he want to leave me and the kids. I have had words with his friend and told them to stay out of are lives but thay are still in my live, his friend is a gigglo, no job no money no car not a thing and his sister a whore and that is trueI have been told by to meny people even her friends and her step dauther is turning out to be like her but he dad move her to her moms out of state but he is getting letters sent to him from her to her dads house for my boyfriend with love you at the end and he was not a man to tell me I found it out on my own. He still gose down there even with me saying that he can't, I stayed way from everone that he asked me to why can't he. All I want is my life back with him not his friends?

[Rifka]

Lets start with I have been with this guy for 10 years out of them 10 we broke up for 3 years b/c he was in jail and the other 7 years we have been together. I thought are relationship we had when we frist started dateing b/c I lived in one state and he live in another state, we did it like that for a few years until I said I couldn't do it anymore, b/c he was in jail all of the time and he did not want to stay out of trouble, so I had to more on I didn't want to but I did. I stayed in love with hime ven after we broke up, well 3 years went by and we see each other for the frist time in 3 years and it was like a fire started between us I had a child by that time and he fell in love with her. So we talked about us and the baby, after 2 months of talking and seeing if he had changed from what he was then to what he was at that time, he did change and that made me want him back. So we got back together things was great with us and the baby, we moved out of his home town for about 2 years, he got in a little bit of trouble got put in jail and that left me with a baby and one income it was hard.I tryed and I had friends that helped. But I had this guy friend that I thought was a friend rape me, I didn't call the cop or did I tell my boyfriend when he was in jail nor when he got out, but then when he got out 3 months after that happen to me I found out that I was going to be haveing a baby it made me happy just the thought of us haveing a bigger family. So we moved back to his home town to where his mom could help me, she did alot b/c I found out that the baby was not my boyfriends that the baby was from the rape. I didn't know what to do I did not want tolose him and I did not want to give a part of me up, so we talked about it and we come to the understanding that it might not be his but it is now. So we go on with are live, I had a girl. And after I had the baby me live with him went down hill he started running with trash , why I say trash b/c that is what thay are. See we never had any fights untill he got with them now he stays out all night no calls don;t come home, that just made us fight more then we ever did befor. And now after two years of the same stuff he leaves me and the kids to be with his friend, I didn;t know what to do anymore, I tryed and tryed so after two monthsI start seening this guy he could give me and my kids everthing we ever wanted, so when he found out that I was seening some one else he then wanted me and the kids back I tryed to get him to talk to me in that 2 month time we was apart but he did not want to talk to me, but then we talked, and we got back together agian? He told me that he did not want me and the kids around that guy I was seening or around his friend or family, so I told him that I felt that his friends was the problem in are relationship and that I did not want him around them plus I found out that one wanted to go out with him, so I just felt that he did not need to be around them at all. Everything was fine for about 3 weeks until I found him back running with trash, and now evertime we get in to it he want to leave me and the kids. I have had words with his friend and told them to stay out of are lives but thay are still in my live, his friend is a gigglo, no job no money no car not a thing and his sister a whore and that is trueI have been told by to meny people even her friends and her step dauther is turning out to be like her but he dad move her to her moms out of state but he is getting letters sent to him from her to her dads house for my boyfriend with love you at the end and he was not a man to tell me I found it out on my own. He still gose down there even with me saying that he can't, I stayed way from everone that he asked me to why can't he. All I want is my life back with him not his friends?

[Deejette]

I know you still love this guy but he sounds like a lot of trouble. You need to find someone who can help you with your kids and be a good father figure to them. It won't be good for them if daddy keeps going to jail. He doesn't sound like he learned any lessons while he was "on the inside." Some people, even though they are sexy, fun, and exciting are big trouble and will only take others down with them on their road to nowhere.

Oh dear Blue Eyes.... I don't think this is what you want to hear- but you need to let this one go. You have to think about your children- who I bet are the joy of your life. You must work towards providing them with a stable home life.... if you only knew how very important this will be as they are growing.

 

Your boyfriend has obviously proven that he does not have the ability to make wise and responsible decisions. I say this because of your detailed description of this troubled past, run ins with the law, being in jail and poor choice of friends. He is likely to never change his ways..... and could quite possibly become worse over time.

 

Since people are not often successful in "choosing" their partner's friends, you must realize that your boyfriend will spend time with whom ever he chooses. And have you ever heard the expression , "birds of a feather-flock together" ? This means that people tend to seek out peers that are usually of their same upbringing, financial status, level of education, religion, and have similar morals and standards. You might be blind to the ways of your boyfriend- so instead- take a good look at his friends. What you see in them- is most likely what others see in your boyfriend. Of course I am basing this on your posting- so keep this in mind. If you have aspirations of leading a happy healthy life- and providing the same for your children- move on- away from this man. If you need help financially or otherwise- there are groups, government programs and individuals who are skilled in assisting people who want to make it on their own. Good luck, Jenna