Long Distance Reconciliation

[Jon10]

Hi guys, I'd like some advice on this please,

 

Met my ex last December while she was on holiday in my home town staying with her cousins. I'm 30 and shes 27. We hit it off straight away having a great Xmas and new years together and before we knew it found ourselves in a LDR. We live about a 1 hour plane flight apart both in the UK and we'd visit one another every 3 weeks or so. She would find the distance element more difficult than myself but still spoke very highly of me to her friends and family and quite often spoke about making plans for the future. Gradually I discovered through her and mutual friends that she had a history of bad and sometimes abusive relationships and generally running into the "wrong guys". She told me that she was so lucky to have found me and that she hadn't felt like this about someone for many years due to her previous relationships. In late April she brought up the idea about us moving away together to a neutral location so we could be together...an idea that I welcomed but would need some planning.

 

Around the start of May, a few days after she had booked flights to come and stay with me she called me up to break things off. Gave me a bunch of lame excuses and said she would only end up being horrible to my face if she stayed with me. To add insult to injury she still made the visit and stayed with her cousins instead in my home town. During her short stay a mutual friend then tells me she has a new man on the go. At this point my emotions went through the roof. Anyway we both spoke while on her visit and it was a mixture of arguing, flirting, emotion and a lot of confusion on the things she said to me. She montioned that she had met someone else and their feelings had been growing for each other...she claimed that she was a needy person and that the distance wasn't allowing the sort of contact that she wanted. Around this time I was offered to start a new job which happened to be very close to where she lives and she did ask me about this but I wasn't sure of my plans at the time.The last thing she said to me is that we had a lovely time trying to make this work but it was the distance that made it too difficult for her and that she will probably end up regretting her decision to end things. I was left in the dark about what was really happening from her end and how things could start happening with another guy so quickly and why she bothered booking flights to come see me in the first place.

 

Anyway for about 4 months now we have been NC. Our mutual friend told me shortly after she broke up with me that she was in love with her new guy but that she was stupid for ending things with me. I felt totally powerless for a period of time and at an all time low but I have picked myself up. I've made new friends and got back on the dating scene and have even been working for periods at a time near where she lives without initiating any contact.

 

I would like to try and see if things could work again between us now that the distance could be closed. Ofcourse people have told me to forget about her after what happened and I understand all that. I'm no longer coming from a desperate place now though and my confidence is backup. I'm interested in genuinely seeing if there is still something there. Some of her friends were slightly annoyed that she hasn't made any attempt to contact me in the slightest...but I understand that she has either wiped me from her memory bank or else feels too awkward about it aftering hurting me. I guess its a chance I'm willing to take...I haven't heard about her situation with her new guy for quite some time now so who knows. Should I see out NC and wait for her to contact me or would it not make much difference who initiates contact here? Would a short friendly phone call after an extended period of NC be too much? I'm really just looking to establish some sort of contact here.

 

Thanks guys.