found out my sort of ex is in a relationship and feel oddly sad

[torn_curtain]

We were never exclusive, although we dated casually for a few months last fall. He didn't want exclusivity, while I did. I got way too attached to him, partly because I felt like he was too good for me. Then he moved to another city and left the possibility open that we'd have relationship in the future when/if I moved to the same city and he was finally ready for a relationship (when dating me he had just gotten out of a serious relationship that ended badly and was in self imposed single-hood). The fact that he never really gave himself to me made it almost worse because I hung on to the what if for too long.

 

He told me he wanted to keep in touch and did for awhile, but then the last few months we lost contact. Probably since he met this girl or whatever. I still thought about him from time to time. Still, I didn't expect to be hit hard by finding out he had met somebody because I thought I was pretty much over him and also because I'm in a new (albeit long distance) relationship. Also, when I found my ex boyfriend of a year ago who dumped me brutally was in a new relationship it didn't sting much at all yet this does a bit? Weird.

 

I found out a couple of days ago and I wasn't thinking about it much during the day, but I had crazy dreams about him the last two nights. You can deny all you want during the day but your dreams never lie I guess.

 

Last night I dreamed that I was at some sort of formal dance party all decked out. I looked better than ever and I was confident. I spotted him across the room and walked over to him, started chatting. Then I asked him if he wanted to dance and he hesitated because of his girlfriend (who wasn't there). I kept stopping the dream and changing my outfit, what I was saying to be more attractive. But he wouldn't budge because of his girlfriend. Then my new boyfriend came up to me and he was more attractive and intelligent than the other guy, but I still wanted my "ex" instead. WTF. We didn't even have that deep of a connection. I don't understand why my brain is torturing me like this. Is this a bad sign for my new relationship? I really thought I was over this guy.