dalmatianbaby Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Hello Everyone, I am hoping someone can give me a little insight on coping with my infant son's death. My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and along came our little angel. He was born with many internal birth defects (which were surgically correctable) on March 15 by emergency C-Section (I had preeclampsia). He was born 11 weeks premature, and because I had preeclampsia he stopped growing around 23 weeks gestation. Anyway, he survived 2 surgeries (with many more to come) but on April 23rd he took a bad turn and developed an infection in his intestines. He passed away April 24th. The situation is still a complete shock to my husband and I, as well as our families. Up until he got sick, he was a very strong little guy. He fought every obstacle in his path. My question is this...how do I heal? He'll never be forgotten, and my husband and I plan to have other children in the future, but we're both in so much pain. The world around us keeps moving on, and we're trying to get back into a regular groove, but from time to time I am just hit with such sorrow, I don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. Thank you all, Dalmatianbaby Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 You ask "how will I heal?" You will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. You are not sick. You are grieving and that's different. You will not always be grieving as intensely, but you will never forget your child and rather than recover, incorporate his life and love into the rest of your life. That person is part of you and always will be, and sometimes you will remember him with joy and other times with a tear. Both are okay. You will go on with your life meeting each days' challenges as best you can, in whatever frame of mind you are in. You will grieve each day, but each days grief will not always be of the same intensity. Don't look too far ahead. Do the chores and work that you need to do, but take plenty of time for yourself. If you want to lie in bed and cry - then do it. (hint, keep a cold cloth nearby to keep over your eyes in between bouts of tears, this WILL help) You don't have to 'accept' death. Yes, you have to understand that it has happened and it is real, but there are just some things in life that are not acceptable. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I am so sorry. I have lost two children and I will never be the same again. Neither will you. That does not mean that joy will not come back into your life again. It will. You are a different person now. So is your husband. Do not expect to be like you were before you were pregnant with your son and don't expect your husband to be either. You cannot erase this. Future children will not replace him. You will be able to live around the pain and sometimes that part of your life will be larger than the pain. It won't seem like that for a while, but at some point you will realize that the pain of loss was not the first conscious though you had when you woke up. That may even scare you - but it's natural. It doesn't mean you are forgetting or letting go. I want you to go to the weblink I provided. They helped me so much. There is a wonderful support group here and great information to help you understand the grief and to help you deal with people who do NOT understand the grief. http://www.beyondindigo.com/index.php PLEASE - go to this site now. I'm sending you cyber hugs right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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