Moving on after six years

[Paige1377]

My ex fiancee and I lived together six years and we split up three months ago. I was living in Texas with him and our then nine month old daughter. Split was second in eight years, but it felt more permanent. The first two months I stayed with my parents and was a wreck. I lost 30 pounds in two months and desperately wanted my ex to call and say he made a mistake and wanted his family back. Never came. Just him saying he didn't know.

 

After those two months I got myself in motion and found a full-time job, moved to Kansas got a car and a great place for my daughter and I. Our split was my weight gain of 70 pounds, my depression and insecurities. I thought he was cheating so I was suffocating him. Two months before the split I found out he was texting this woman nonstop while he worked, even while he was in the house while my daughter and I slept. He was cruel to me, and the last year was the worst. Trust was gone and I felt this woman was part of it.

 

To get to Kansas my ex gave my daughter and I a ride, and at first I was strong and ignored him, but we discussed the past and my emotions came especially since our daughter was with us. I asked him again if we could work on us and he said probably not. He knew I missed talking to him and I still love him. He basically told me I could offer him nothing and he didn't like sex with me but did with other people. ****ing cruel....very. He also said move on and be single for a year and we can be friends. I was crushed, didn't want to accept he was over me but he is. After that car ride I switched, and decided I was moving on. I turned off my feelings and when he was in town visiting my daughter I stood up to him and he said it was because he rejected me.

 

I was done, finally made it where child support and cell phone plans are not tied, especially since child support went into a shared account where I saw him dropping money on someone, not me or his daughter. He obviously didn't care to focus on helping me move on so I did. I told him after he raked up a 250 dollar bill on the cell phone which he paid I was done. Told him I didn't want to know his business, any of it, not his work schedule, who is dating unless he's serious bc thinking of him was consuming my life and it didn't need to anymore. He's happy single and has told me as much. I told him he's dead to me, unless he has something over our daughter or support for her I don't care. I don't want to know bc it's not my business and he's controlling anyways...maybe he used money out of the bank account just to **** with me to show what I am missing...don't need that plus we can't talk anymore without a fight.

 

Fast forward a week, I m happy in my house, being with my daughter and independence. Ex still gives me reasons he left me, I stopped responding. I send him a pic daily of his daughter and today he responds with "tell my baby I love her more than anything, and give her a big hug and kiss for me please" I chose to ignore it bc with the split, he didn't think of her, he has been more focused on a promotion and getting laid than her. He will never understand the love a mother feels. He has seen her twice in three months, I couldn't do that.

 

Now all my friends and family say once I am doing good, moved on and looking good he will comeback bc he wants to see his daughter and it's easier for him to just control me again and just feel comfortable with me, like he will reel the benefits of my growth as an adult when he was not willing to let me grow with him. I don't want him back, but purely want him to try so I can get my vindication. He put us on a greyhound bus without money....he's a jackass....so I am using the almost zero contact as a way to keep moving on and also for him to see what he gave up. I can't help it, he hurt me so badly I have to make him feel some hurt and this is the only way, by cutting myself off moving on and making him realize I wasn't so bad...he just lost the opportunity to sweet his daughter and create that bond. That helps me move on, knowing I will have the last laugh but I might not. Maybe he never wanted to be a father and six years meant nothing to him. Thoughts?

[Nohbody]

It sounds like you are moving forward. You are angry, and rightfully so. I hope that eventually you can get to a place where you aren't anymore. I know how bad that sounds, but I mean that for you to be ok and just completely detached.

 

Keep on as you are, you are doing the right things, and I believe that if he ever did come around you'd give him a swift kick in the ass - so more power to you.