befreckled Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 the bf and I both OKC accounts - he has had his literally for years and mine was started a year before I met him. before we got together, we spoke briefly about it and he mentioned that he wanted to use it to meet new people for general activities because he is new to the city that he lives in now. after we got together, we spoke about it again and I mentioned that it is misleading to have his profile state "single" because he is in relationship, he agreed and changed almost immediately to "in a relationship" and then the "looking for" section respectively as well. with that done, I did the same. In general, I get an average of 3 messages a month and honestly the LDR plus my job keeps me fairly busy to consider meeting new people for whatever purpose and I feel like taking my profile off but I don't want his on if mine is no longer there. it is somewhat silly and trivial. other that nagging detail, everything between him and me are perfect as far as first year relationships go. we've met each other parents and siblings, he has met a couple friends of mine, i've met alot of his friends, we've been to each other cities, we speak frequently, we communicate well....you get the jist. should I just shrug it off as what it is, nothing important or should I bring it up again? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 While I can understand why he wants to leave the account up, there's other ways of meeting people too that are a bit more...relationship friendly, if that makes any sense. Personally, I think it's best if you both take your profiles down as they tend to have the potential to cause alot of needless drama. LDRs are hard enough. I actually have a friend that is going through a similar situation...unfortunately hers didn't end very well. Her boyfriend lied to her about having an online dating profile that he claims he was using to meet friends being relatively new to where he lives. He kept his status as single on purpose because he was afraid people wouldn't want to speak to him if he was currently attached and maintains he would tell them later after getting to know them (which he never did). She ended up finding his account because he left it up on his computer and found tons of flirty messages and emails and even naked pictures going back and forth. After hearing this I guess I'm biased about this whole situation, but I really don't think it's a good idea. It would bother me too if my SO had one of these things. You also have to think about the intentions of the other people on the site that he's meeting. He is logging in to innocently meet friends, but some girls on the other site may have other ideas, regardless of what his profile status states. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 There are dedicated activity type forums for people with similar interests. Google some for him. Or, maybe for yourself, join and then say, "I found this great forum for bungee jumpers who crochet. I spotted another one for your hobby, collecting vintage toothbrushes. I'll send you a link. [maybe find a forum you both can post on related to a mutual interest]. Anyway, I was keeping my OKC acct for friends but since we are exclusive, I think that sends the wrong message, don't you? Maybe that's why men keep emailing. So I'm thinking of taking my profile down. What do you think?" Link to post Share on other sites
duckrepair Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Since it has a way to change you're looking for friends, that's good. but I'd raise an eyebrow with a guy looking to make friends on a dating site.. I'll even admit I doubt I'd message a guy on a dating site that said he was involved... But if it was just a general meet-up group were we had definite other interests (kayaking, tennis, et al...) Then that'd be fine. BUT one of the first things for either of these two is to state on there you're in a relationship and just there for friends. He should be on a meetup site with groups of people... I'd personally want the guy I'm dating to take it off the dating site though. =x I'd ask him and see if he gives resistance about taking it down? Even if you decide you dont care you want it down... They should be willing to try something else if it causes discomfortable feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 People should NOT have active profiles on a dating site when in a relationship. Common sense, people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author befreckled Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 You also have to think about the intentions of the other people on the site that he's meeting. He is logging in to innocently meet friends, but some girls on the other site may have other ideas, regardless of what his profile status states. I agree with that. That said, there's a part of me that sort of understands where he is coming from. I currently live in a city/country that I was born in but didn't grow up in (I moved away as a child) and when I first moved back, I felt a need to connect. He is in a city where he doesn't entirely like but with the other option being unemployment in his home country, it isn't much of a choice. For that, I don't want to push him into eliminating the connection of OKC. I mean, I know that he hasn't met anyone from that site for whatever reason. To have him make that mental disconnection from friends/activity partners without him initiating it first is what I'm struggling with. Or, maybe for yourself, join and then say, "I found this great forum for bungee jumpers who crochet. LOL. It's a good idea that requires some research. I remember speaking to him about it a while ago and he sounded almost exasperated because he tried so hard but the bf's interests are pretty niche so it's tough but I'll give it a try. Link to post Share on other sites
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