You're all right when you say the best way to get the dumper back is to go NC

[That_girl]

I was the dumper in this case. He tried to stop me a million times after he cheated on me, was emotionally abusive etc. But eventually I'd had enough and couldn't take the pressure anymore and ended it.

 

Although I know he was bad for me in a million different ways, I can't stop thinking about him. He has not tried to contact me in about 5 months. I really want to contact him now. Maybe it's because I'm going through a very difficult time myself, or maybe its because I'm human and I feel guilty. I KNOW that it's a bad idea. I think subconciously I want someone here to stop me because I feel pretty resolved in my decision to make contact at this point, even though I know in my gut that it's wrong and it's selfish.

 

What's worse is that I'd be giving him the power to hurt me if he wants to completely ignore my attempt.

 

But I don't care. Is that a bad sign? I just want to talk to him...I just want to explain that this hasn't been easy for me either, and that even though I ended it, I probably felt the same if not worse than he did about the whole thing. Nobody wants to be hated. I doubt he hates me, but I just don't want to let go with him thinking that I've had an easy ride. This was one of the most intense relationships I've ever had, even though it was quite short (7 months).

 

Alot of the abusive tendencies he had were things that I saw in myself. And that's why I loved and hated him so much. I don't think I can ever forget him.

 

Maybe this would make him feel better. If he knew that I at least still think of him. I don't regret my decision but I do still have these feelings towards him that I can't seem to shake. Maybe because I identified with him so closely. I don't know if I'm about to make a really bad move here. But will I ever feel better if I do nothing? I'm starting to realize that he had his own reasons for doing what he did, and they probably had nothing to do with his feelings towards me. He was incredibly insecure. And I probably crushed him even more.

[That_girl]

I guess my question is, is there any way I can my point across to him without sounding ridiculous?

 

I have no idea how he feels at this point.

[Coupedriver]

You will NEVER be able to change what or how he feels....NEVER..people have ideas within them that NO ONE can change....I TRIED it,doesn't work..!!!If he hates you,then that's his problem.I cant stop thinking about MY EX either..."if I could say this..or say that"...doesn't work that way.There is a REASON he has NOT contacted you...Want to guess why..? Yeah,there's probaly someone else, and he might think you dont care..and you have to SHOW him you dont...How tough is that part..?? We all have our OWN ways of dealing with pain...

LISTEN to your GUT..!!!!!!! The feelings you still have ARE supposed to be there..we all dont have a switch where we can just reach inside and FLIP.."oh well,thats over...".I wish it DID work that way...I wouldnt have lost all of my weight, have CONSTANT sleepless nights with thousands of dreams...Hurt..? Oh hell yes your hurt..YOUR A HUMAN...you will keep hurting until one day you look back and think.."What a waste..".

When will that happen...?? No one will EVER be able to tell you that...the healing process is faster for some..slower for others.We ALL want to change the BAD things that have happened in our lives but no matter how hard you try...you just cant.....you have to go on living...( easier said then done..!! TRUST me on this one..)..

One day....leads to another....you fall down...you cry..you want to die...you get up..brush yourself off...and try again.You use support forums like this one....ALWAYS use them...a SELECT few really can help you out in here.I wish there was ONE easy answer....but no one has ever found it yet...it takes time...thats the only comfort I can offer...and a set of outstretched ( internet) arms

[That_girl]

I'm seeing someone else too, sort of. And it's not making me forget these feelings I have towards my ex. I dumped him. That's why he's not contacting me. Everyone here always says the dumper needs to make the first move....

 

You're probably right though. I just always felt like I needed time to think about things before I could get them off my chest. I don't want to degrade myself by contacting him. I just want the urge to go away.

[1Dunno]

I have to really question your motives behind contacting him. You said it yourself that you just want him not to hate you. Is that all there is?

 

If so, then it's downright selfish, and is misleading to him.

 

If not (i.e. if you hope something more will come out of it), then you need to be reminded of how he treated you in the past. I don't know the circumstances but I don't think you deserve to be abused, verbally or physically, especially if he's the one that did the cheating.