Too much of his family.

[Argh1]

I moved to a new city 3 years ago to live with my mother. I met my boyfriend pretty much a few day after i moved, (seems meant to be!lol) We've been together ever since.

When I first met him, It was ALWAYS hanging out at his house, with his friends and family. After all I just moved to be with my mom, and i had no friends of my own.

But when I wanted him to come to my house, he would always back out. Make up excuses, etc. I even gave away a puppy I had gotten because It wasn't fair to her with me being away all the time.

 

Spending alot of time with his family then was fine, it was an interesting household. They were more like close friends, than family. His family consists of- His mother, step dad, 2 younger sisters, 2 sisters our age (21-25), their boyfriends, and 2 nieces, and one nephew.

 

I was raised a single child, and really only saw my extended family on holidays and birthdays. (So this is normal for me.)

 

So being around this really close, larger family all the time was kind of nice for me at first... Then, I moved in. We lived in their garage, and payed around 700$ a month all in all for bills and rent!!! They were constantly in our space, as they were used to the garage being the party/smoking zone.

I had asked him to clear it up with them that it was OUR space now, he was always too shy to. He didn't want to hurt their feelings.(Like mine had no matter.)

 

About a year of that situation was enough! I finally got him to agree to move into my mothers apartment with me. (after all, I moved to this city to be with her, as shes all alone, and going through old age kind of things, memory loss, etc)

After that year when they were around ALL the time, needless to say, I could live without seeing them for a while.

But now that we've been living away from them, I see that he has a hard time not being around them all the time

 

His whole family, (grandma, uncles, aunts,) hold celebrations for EVERYTHING, holidays, EVERY birthday,(it seems, except for mine...) in fact, some thanksgivings and christmas' we have more than one event to go to for his family. ( and it costs lots of money for all the children and secret santa things they like to do.) They always have their certain ways they do things, and sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me.

 

On top of all this, he's on the phone with one of them at least once a day. And he always wants to go over saturday nights and have some drinks with them. I've told him to go ahead without me, but he wines and says he has no fun if i'm not there. so If I refuse, he tries to lay guilt on me saying he hasn't seen his mother in some time and she misses him. (like shes not busy enough with 10 people around her all the time) He also tries to fight, match for match saying things like, " We're ALWAYS with YOUR mom." Well, yes, sorry, we live with her, but when I feel we're not getting enough space, I at least tell my mother that we need time away from her, and we spend time in our own space.

 

I'm sorry I know this post is SOOOO long, but I've got my soulmate in the balance, we love each other so much, but I really start to resent him for this stuff, and I'm finding it harder and harder to keep a pleasant smile on my face when we see his family. I need to figure out a way to deal with this!

 

 

Any thoughts?

Thnks

[FitChick]

Rent a place for the two of you, halfway between the two houses. Then host a few smaller parties (your place will be too small for everyone to come) to keep the peace and maintain some control over your own life. You can still visit on a less regular basis.