Why is a managed exit a bad thing?

[SBC]

Only good can come of your decision SBC. I see nothing wrong in someone sorting out their life before adding another to the mix. Good luck to you!

 

I know, it sure feels icky right now though. Thanks for the good wishes.

[jj33]

Wow, this thread really grew legs of its own.

 

Anyway, in having taken to heart some of the comments here, I told him I would have to say goodbye until he can get his stuff managed completely and on his own. He said he is not ready at this point.

 

We had a very heartfelt exchange, but it all came down to he is there, and I am here and until we are in sync we have to be done with each other.

 

So there you have it.

 

I feel like sh*t, but I take comfort in that I sincerely believe that our story is not yet finished.

 

SBC I know this is a difficult time for you and I just wanted to say stay strong. You have managed all of this very wisely giving him the space to do what he feels he needs to do. No one can push someone out of a marriage. They have to make their own decision in their own time.

 

As for your initial question, while the idea of a managed exit sounds unfair when someone is in an A, arent all exits managed? If someone is thinking about divorce, its unlikely that they simply blurt it out one day over breakfast he honey, Im thinking Im going to leave just wanted to let you know, Im not sure yet but I willl let you know when I have given it more thought.

 

By the time someone voices those feelings to their spouse they usually know what they want (unless they want to work on the marriage and are not sure how that will pan out). So unless you mean manage exit as code for manage/hide/move assets, then I think its what most people do whether they are in an A or not.

[SBC]

There is no barb there.

You sound so soft with your feelings for him, so your anger comes out at me when I try to toughen you up. I'm sorry. You need to get tough or you will be right back where you started 7 days from now when he calls you missing you. If you believe in the two of you, then get tough or it will always be the three of you. Making him a happy fulfilled man and you and his wife sad and half filled.

 

kristi, I appreciate your taking the time here, but I am not going to keep going round 'n round. I made my decision, all by little self, and I don't need you telling me first what he is going to do, and now what I am going to do as if you have a magic crystal ball.

 

Like the rest of us, you will just have to sit back and watch to see how this unfolds. All you can do is wish me luck and let me go do my thing!

[SBC]

SBC I know this is a difficult time for you and I just wanted to say stay strong. You have managed all of this very wisely giving him the space to do what he feels he needs to do. No one can push someone out of a marriage. They have to make their own decision in their own time.

 

As for your initial question, while the idea of a managed exit sounds unfair when someone is in an A, arent all exits managed? If someone is thinking about divorce, its unlikely that they simply blurt it out one day over breakfast he honey, Im thinking Im going to leave just wanted to let you know, Im not sure yet but I willl let you know when I have given it more thought.

 

By the time someone voices those feelings to their spouse they usually know what they want (unless they want to work on the marriage and are not sure how that will pan out). So unless you mean manage exit as code for manage/hide/move assets, then I think its what most people do whether they are in an A or not.

 

jj, I appreciate, sincerely, your feeling of support! Surprisingly, I feel pretty strong. I am sure this will ebb and flow, but I am, for the first time, really, really, ready to move on if he can't get it together.

 

And you are right, they need to work this out in their own time. And I do believe I have been unfair in wanting it to move faster, which is why I finally said ta-ta. I do believe that they will fail, as they have been failing for a long time, but whether or not this equals us being together or not is something that remains yet to be seen.

 

It is just a tough situation all the way around I guess. I am sad, but I know now that I can make it without him, which is not something I was feeling even 6 months ago. So my exit was quiet and dignified with non of the weeping and flailing about that was common in the past. This time just feels different, you know? And I think we both feel it.

 

So, we will see. Either way, 2012 is going to be an excellent year for me, of this I am sure!

[donnamaybe]

 

Plus, who would blame the W of an abuser for managing her exit safely? I'd have to question her sanity though, if she thinks its safer to have an affair to manage that exit than to call a counsellor, a lawyer, and local law enforcement to help her get out.

 

That was my point exactly. I have a hard time imagining a woman in fear of bodily harm inciting the abuser to a level of rage that an A would bring about.

[donnamaybe]

jj, I appreciate, sincerely, your feeling of support! Surprisingly, I feel pretty strong. I am sure this will ebb and flow, but I am, for the first time, really, really, ready to move on if he can't get it together.

 

And you are right, they need to work this out in their own time. And I do believe I have been unfair in wanting it to move faster, which is why I finally said ta-ta. I do believe that they will fail, as they have been failing for a long time, but whether or not this equals us being together or not is something that remains yet to be seen.

 

It is just a tough situation all the way around I guess. I am sad, but I know now that I can make it without him, which is not something I was feeling even 6 months ago. So my exit was quiet and dignified with non of the weeping and flailing about that was common in the past. This time just feels different, you know? And I think we both feel it.

 

So, we will see. Either way, 2012 is going to be an excellent year for me, of this I am sure!

Good for you! No matter how this turns out, you with or without your guy, you are managing it from a position of strength! That attitude will serve you well in this and other situations!

[SBC]

Good for you! No matter how this turns out, you with or without your guy, you are managing it from a position of strength! That attitude will serve you well in this and other situations!

 

Thanks donna, I appreciate it.

 

I can tell you this for sure, I know that this place (LS) would have torn me to shreds if I had posted when I first started combing these forums almost a year ago, but I gained a lot of the strength I have today from what I have read here. So, all in all, a good thing.