Not Allowed To Have Friends ...

[Magnum]

So, me and this guy have been taking things slow. He broke up with his boyfriend a little over a month ago and we'd been friends since March, so we decided to wait until it was the right moment to become official.

 

In the past, I knew he'd get jealous of other guys I talked to. It wasn't an extremely big deal, but today it apparently was. I added a gay friend to my Facebook and he "liked" one of my statuses and the next thing I know I'm getting questioned. Well, this new friend is someone he doesn't like ... not exactly an ex either, but someone who's personality he just flat out didn't like. He told me that our friendship was through if I didn't cancel out the new one I started. I said "Heck no, I'm not giving up my friends for you" and it was done.

 

It's not like I was going to sleep with my friend. Me and him established that I was already into something and that being friends was cool for us. So... I'm hurt. Then again, not so much. This guy had the nerve to call me drunk one night and tell me he'd been screwing around, so I shouldn't feel hurt because I followed the rules when he himself did not.

 

So, has anyone had this problem. I know some men and women get jealous but has it ever costed you the relationship or what would have become the relationship.

[thatone]

happens all the time but i think with a homosexual couple there has to be more leeway than with a straight couple, because your circle of friends are more limited.

 

if a girl i'm with has male 'friends' that i know are attracted to her that she hangs around with, it's a red flag, and yes i would leave a girl over it. the reason being, it's manipulative and selfish. 9 times out of 10 the male 'friend' is getting used for all sorts of relationship things besides sex. so when/if she doesn't approve of something i do, rather than talk about it and deal with the issue, she'll just run off to the male 'friend' and cry on his shoulder about it while shutting me out.

 

and the answer to that from my standpoint is to shut her out, and say "fine if you prefer a non-sexual relationship with that guy, stay there then", because the only way to make it clear to her that i do not approve is to do the same thing she's doing to me, and in so doing create a sort of downward spiral of non-communication.

 

so while i think there has to be more leeway in your situation, those boundaries should be clearly defined and there should be a talk about it, and an agreement that you don't discuss relationship issues with those friends.

[Magnum]

happens all the time but i think with a homosexual couple there has to be more leeway than with a straight couple, because your circle of friends are more limited.

 

if a girl i'm with has male 'friends' that i know are attracted to her that she hangs around with, it's a red flag, and yes i would leave a girl over it. the reason being, it's manipulative and selfish. 9 times out of 10 the male 'friend' is getting used for all sorts of relationship things besides sex. so when/if she doesn't approve of something i do, rather than talk about it and deal with the issue, she'll just run off to the male 'friend' and cry on his shoulder about it while shutting me out.

 

and the answer to that from my standpoint is to shut her out, and say "fine if you prefer a non-sexual relationship with that guy, stay there then", because the only way to make it clear to her that i do not approve is to do the same thing she's doing to me, and in so doing create a sort of downward spiral of non-communication.

 

so while i think there has to be more leeway in your situation, those boundaries should be clearly defined and there should be a talk about it, and an agreement that you don't discuss relationship issues with those friends.

 

 

I agree with a lot said there. I guess I don't feel as bad today. I went out with that guy friend and got some ice cream at McDonald's and it turned out to be nice. I was glad that this guy shared the same point of view as me. We ate, we talked about life and listened to some music, so ... I guess choosing a new friend over a compulsive boyfriend might have not been such a bad deal afterall. But really though, that's rude to tell someone "oh you can't be my friend because my boyfriend said so" ... lol.