do we really ever find better than our ex?

[lifeispain]

I don't like the notion of comparing ex's, in terms of, for instance " she was thinner" or " she had a prettier face".... It is rather gross, to line people up and think of them as a pile of body parts, that are better or worse than others....

 

 

OF course, on a basic level, we know if one person was well below the other ( if they were MUCH better looking...).. However, if both girls were attractive, and possessed many great personal qualities; if both girls were amazing in their own ways, comparisons should not really come to mind...

 

 

My boyfriend dated a very smart, funny, and great girl before me. In addition to being an amazing person, she is also very, VERY beautiful... At first, I was upset that my boyfriend could be comparing my appearance to hers, after all, she was sTUNNING.

 

Ultimately, I am attractive in my own ways too, and he loves me for that. SUre, she had a smaller nose than me, and she can speak 3 - 4 languages.... However, I am me, and I have enough going for me, for my boyfriend to fully love me, without thinking about how his ex had a better nose, smile, or other such physical features than I do.

 

 

I honestly do not think all guys would sit there, and make notes on what part of their ex's were more attractive, at least physically speaking, than their current girl...

 

I would think thaat it is more logical, if both girls were attractive, and there is not a gross difference in looks, that MOST guys would be too busy getting to KNOW their new girlfriend, rather than waste too much time comparing their ex's...

 

 

My boyfriend compared his ex to me in a good way; I had personal issues, and still do, that I need to resolve, in order to be a better PERSON... His ex had a personality and qualities that HE wished I had, but only because it would make me a happier person, and he wants me to be as happy as possible.

 

For example, he told me that I should be less high maintenance, and more random and more crazy, when it comes to doing random things with him.. He thought that I was a great person, but that I could BENIFIT from those qualities.

 

I have since taken it upon myself to better myself, and his suggestions regarding his ex's good qualities, has served as motivation, for me to become a better version of myself.

 

 

In summary, on occassion, it can be helpful to point out to your current partners, qualities that u feel would benifit them ( if they have certain issues, as I did, that were hindering me from being the best version if myself).

 

In my case, the qualities that have made me better as a person, were qualities my boyfriends ex had. He never even mentioned his ex, until I asked him..

 

I talked to his ex, and found her to be such a great person, and a VERY good match for my boyfriend.. On the other hand, i was a bit of a broken person, and wanted to be more like her ( certain qualities, not HER).

 

 

I asked him once what I could do, to become a better person, and a more suitable match for him.. In response, he told me that he feels I would be happier if I was _________ ( lower maintenance, enjoying life more, etc).

 

 

 

Currently, I am much happier in myself, about who I am, and am thankful that I was able to develope better qualities, such as the ones his ex possesses.

 

I certainly know that he does not sit around comparing how much prettier or smarter or what not, his ex was than I am.... He loves me, and would have better things to do. If i was that far below his ex, he would not bother with me, if he did not think I was amazing, inside and out.

 

 

im not just talking about looks, im talking about personality traits, intelligence, emotional stability and the whole 9 yards

[SillyS]

I hate it when people say that right after a break up. "You will find someone better, he doesn't deserve you". Jeez, can we all wait till I pick up my heart off the floor as it has just been stepped on before we start envisioning the idea of another man. I really didn't want or need to hear that. It didn't help me and still doesn't really help me.

 

I think what people are saying is, it's a learning process. You learn about yourself and then apply the lessons from our past relationships to our future ones. Thus, the next person will not only inherit a wiser individual but also someone that we chose a bit more carefully if we are smart. If not, we don't do better, we do the same damn thing as last time and then go cry to our family and friends when it's over. I have started to be brutally honest with my mistakes in the relationship, I have been working on redefining my personal goals, and trying to become a person that one day another person could want to spent their lives with. It won't happen overnight, but its just important to not repeat the same mistakes and grow stronger and better as we age.

[Leigh 87]

Lifeispain - that is actually what I meant; I just focused on looks, because she was MUCH prettier than me ( even though I am attractive to my boyfriend).

 

I also touched on what an amazing person she is; she is funny, smart, has a great life, a lot of friends, everything about her is great.... Where as I, on the other hand, am lacking in a couple of the things she has in spades.

 

My point, was: HIS ex WAS better than me, all around, and it only served to make me want to better myself. A good version of myself, IS as good as his ex...

 

It reminded me that I am not really being the person I want to be, when I learnt of how great his ex was, both inside AND out.

 

I am currently in the process of wanting to improve myself, and slowing making changes, lol....I am getting there, but his ex is still an all around better person than I am. Plain and simple.

 

REality hurts sometimes, but if you are lacking in aspecrs of your personality, I say change it, or yes, a lot of others WILL be better than you, as an all around package.

 

Of course it goes much deaper than looks; in my case she is JUST A BETTER PERSON; looks AND on the inside...

 

My boyfriend loves me and likes me FAR more now, that I am heavier and not as attractive, as when I first met him ( and was 5 [ 5 110 lbs, great body, but NO personality).

[Karala]

Just make sure she's got bigger boobs. Or a bigger wang. You know. In general terms.

 

Nohbody, you crack me up. Are you single?