Numerous sexual Partners

[Paulie]

If a girl has had alot of sexual partners, do people here consider that to be more unacceptable than if a guy has had alot of sexual partners?

 

I told one of my friends that my ex (that bitch) wanted to have sex on the first date, and he said "dude...that's the kind of chick you bang (on that 1st date) and never call her again." ...implying that It'd be acceptable for me to have sex on the 1st date, but not the girl...I should never call her again if she is willing to have sex on the 1st date.

 

I just can't see the rationale here. Please tell me if I'm missing something. I just felt that...Wow...this girl really wants me, I really want her...this is AWESOME.

 

I've had sex with (not proud of it at all, most of it was in college) close to 20 girls. This ex-chick, at the age of 21, has had about the same #. EVERYBODY I tell this to tells me that means she's a whore.

 

The only difference to me is that a good looking girl can go into a bar, club, or party, and have sex with somebody on pretty much any night. Not so with an equally attractive guy. This is the only difference as far as I can see.

 

I'm dating more now, and people say that if a girl wants to have sex early on, tells me she loves me early on, etc. that that's a big red flag...I just can't see why

 

I know that's conventional thinking, but I always try to have an open mind, and consider things for myself.

[Deejette]

I had lamented this very thing in the past on this site, but from the point of view of polygamy being tolerated in some countries of the world but polyandry is never tolerated. The double standard applied to men and women is not a fair thing. A man is a stud, a woman is a whore, who has numerous lovers. Maybe it is because a woman will be the mother of the kid that might be the product of a one-night stand. That is a serious consequence. Men get off much easier. But we are all people! It wasn't that long ago that women weren't even allowed to vote because they were not considered equal with men!

If a girl has had alot of sexual partners, do people here consider that to be more unacceptable than if a guy has had alot of sexual partners?

 

I told one of my friends that my ex (that bitch) wanted to have sex on the first date, and he said "dude...that's the kind of chick you bang (on that 1st date) and never call her again." ...implying that It'd be acceptable for me to have sex on the 1st date, but not the girl...I should never call her again if she is willing to have sex on the 1st date. I just can't see the rationale here. Please tell me if I'm missing something. I just felt that...Wow...this girl really wants me, I really want her...this is AWESOME. I've had sex with (not proud of it at all, most of it was in college) close to 20 girls. This ex-chick, at the age of 21, has had about the same #. EVERYBODY I tell this to tells me that means she's a whore. The only difference to me is that a good looking girl can go into a bar, club, or party, and have sex with somebody on pretty much any night. Not so with an equally attractive guy. This is the only difference as far as I can see.

 

I'm dating more now, and people say that if a girl wants to have sex early on, tells me she loves me early on, etc. that that's a big red flag...I just can't see why I know that's conventional thinking, but I always try to have an open mind, and consider things for myself.

[Tony T]

I think it's pretty sick to keep a running count of people we have bedded. If your going for a Gold Medal, that's another matter. I have always considered my sexual activity personal, including the number of persons I have slept with. I think that is a very personal matter and to discuss it with others sort of cheapens it...now, that's just my take on it...I certainly respect others bragging rights.

 

So while it made you feel really great, those girls eager to bed you may have had any one of a dozen reasons and the least of which may have been an attraction for you. Then again, some may have thought you were the greatest hunk alive. If you had a good time and assumed the latter, what difference does it make?

 

I think there are a lot of women who sleep with a lot of men over a period of time, many of them just don't discuss it. If a girl sleeps with a guy after a first date, that may be a sign that she has been seriously smitten; it could be a booty call; it could mean she has NO feelings or meaningful attraction for the guy whatsoever and just wants sex; it could mean she is very curious about how the guy is in bed; it could mean she is pissed at her boyfriend; it could mean she is so intoxicated she may be mistaking you for a sexy chimpanzee; it could mean sex is a very casual thing to her (like shaking hands)...it could mean a whole lot of things. It just isn't worth analyzing because there is no clear cut answer.

 

All women know the emotional and health dangers of sleeping with a guy right off the bat. If a girl automatically thinks that if she sleeps with a guy right off the bat he is going to feel committed to her, she has obviously received some very bad information.

 

I don't think you can judge anyone, male or female, by the amount of time it takes for them to sleep with another person, be it one date for ten. Again, it is irrelevant and doesn't really say anything about the parties. A wonderful girl might sleep with one guy the first night they go out...and she may hold out for six months with a guy she has her eyes on to marry.

 

Happy Hunting!!!

[Jenna]

Paulie,

 

I think you have the right idea here- there shouldn't be a big deal made about the number of partners one has had in the past. If it doesn't bother you- then tell your friend to mind his own business. As Tony said- women have sex with men for countless reasons- each as individual as the situation surrounding the event. I have dated guys whom I have slept with on the first date (not too many) and there have been times when months passed before we became intimate. And even times when we dated without anything sexual happening. ALL for different reasons. I don't think I am a "whore" and I don't think that other people see me that way either.

 

Maybe this is more of a problem about your friend- and his views- rather than your choice of girl-friends and when to have sex with them.

 

Be an individual-you know what feels right- your friend has all the right in the world to his own opinion- but maybe in this case he should keep it to himself.

 

Times have changed- as much as we hate to admit it. People do have casual sex-its just a fact of life now. Not to say that the Bible is wrong about pre-marital sex- oddly enough I think that is still a good rule-in a perfect world that is. But realistically-sex feels good- emotionally as well as physically- and people are going to do it. As long as we are responsible about STD's and pregnancy- and both partners are consenting adults-it is an accepted and well practiced fact of life.

 

So....... go get'em! Jenna

If a girl has had alot of sexual partners, do people here consider that to be more unacceptable than if a guy has had alot of sexual partners?

 

I told one of my friends that my ex (that bitch) wanted to have sex on the first date, and he said "dude...that's the kind of chick you bang (on that 1st date) and never call her again." ...implying that It'd be acceptable for me to have sex on the 1st date, but not the girl...I should never call her again if she is willing to have sex on the 1st date. I just can't see the rationale here. Please tell me if I'm missing something. I just felt that...Wow...this girl really wants me, I really want her...this is AWESOME. I've had sex with (not proud of it at all, most of it was in college) close to 20 girls. This ex-chick, at the age of 21, has had about the same #. EVERYBODY I tell this to tells me that means she's a whore. The only difference to me is that a good looking girl can go into a bar, club, or party, and have sex with somebody on pretty much any night. Not so with an equally attractive guy. This is the only difference as far as I can see.

 

I'm dating more now, and people say that if a girl wants to have sex early on, tells me she loves me early on, etc. that that's a big red flag...I just can't see why I know that's conventional thinking, but I always try to have an open mind, and consider things for myself.

[Rifka]

You are right about these double standards between men and women when it comes to talking about the number of people we have had sex with. In most cases that I know, the man usually claims to have had the most parteners than the woman, so the statistics must be true that there are more women on this planet than men. Imagine if the statistics were the other way around: more men on the planet and less women.

 

In my experience, a man is usually more desired as a lover if he has had lots of parteners, and a woman is seen a cheap if she has also had alot.

 

A have a girlfriend 36 who claims to have had 12 male sexual parteners in her life (not a significant amount according to some people) and our mutual older woman friend who is a bit old-fashoned told me that 12 parteners was too many for my friend, and not good.

 

When I told a guy I was involved with how many partners I had had (I could show the number by using my fingers)he also made a comment that I had had "too many men" and this was "no good", but he thought it was okay for himself to have had more sexual partners than me!

 

Personally I don't think it is anyone's right to judge you by numbers, but it is true that I am usually attracted to a guy who has lots of experience.

[Nina]

that's not true. Polyandry is customary in a number of south american indigenous tribes and in Tibet.

 

Of course most people are incapable of understanding the midset of any non-western ideology. Only a tiny percentage of people from western coutries can comprehend the complexities of Hindustani religions or the complex interchange of goods and services in the Tibetan villages where brothers often have the same wife.