stillhurt Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Hi everyone. Just wanted to see what are some ways people have gotten through the tough days. I usually have to chant "you will be fine...you will be fine" to stop my brain from freaking out and about the ex. Does anyone have some method that they use to help them cope with the loss? Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 staying active (or at least occupied) most of the day and then giving yourself some pity time. Give yourself an hour that you will indulge in every negative thing that crosses your mind. Rage, Cry, Scream into a pillow, write down the most painful, expletive rich content you want, break down and get it all out, listen to the songs, look at the pictures and then when your time is up do something more relaxing in nature. Make sure you get enough unbroken sleep. Keeps you from dwelling or denial. After a month or so set a date where you won't listen to those songs and won't look at the pictures. Keep your hour sessions though. Therapy for the self, prescribed by Dr. You. Link to post Share on other sites
Sooner or Later Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hot Bath and an Ativan. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I started diaphragmatic breathing after reading about it in a zen book. It's easier to do than the name leads you to believe. Forces you to be very conscious of the air you are taking in and expelling. Link to post Share on other sites
ken_25 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I sometimes shoot a text or make a call to a friend in hopes of getting involved in a conversation. I'm not a big reader, but lately I've tried it when I was dwelling on her and it really took my mind off everything I was thinking about and I focused in on what i'm reading. For me it was better to read something that provides some deeper thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhurt Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Thank you! I am afraid to open up the box of memories I have stored. That will just cause too much pain. I boxed everything the day after we broke up and have never opened it again. It's been 7 months and just the sight of the box freaks me out sometimes. I am going to look into the breathing though. Thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Ah... so many! 1. Music, music, music! Seriously, I don't believe I'd be nearly as okay as I am without all the wonderful music I've listened to this past year. I also had very similar music taste with the guy I liked which did suck when things went downhill. BUT since I'm really into the underground 'indie scene', I'd go out of my way to search for new music. Seems really irrelevant, but discovering new good music by myself and enjoying it actually helps me heal. Helps me form my new identity separate from him. Like it confirms that I'm still a person with my own taste/likes. 2. Food. No, I'm not suggesting to self-medicate yourself to death with food. Though a fast metabolism is handy to have. But what personally helped me was when I went shopping to often get my most favorite foods... apple pie with whipped cream, raspberry cheesecake, blueberry cereal with coconut milk, etc. ... and to "pamper myself". Not in a depressed eating-my-pain-away kind of way, but more like just savoring the simpler things in life and treating myself. 3. Getting back into hobbies I neglected. Like painting, reading, and writing. I love writing, stories, poems, everything. I've been scribbling more and more these days, which is great! Always good to know I haven't lost my mojo. Edited September 7, 2011 by Thieves Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Oh! And candles! Basically, aromatherapy. I always heard how it can help people, but never really tried it myself. Until lately when I started my new job a few months ago at a store that sells a lot of things... including candles. One day after a long day at work, I decided to buy a candle to light at home to help me relax. Well, one candle turned into two, three, four candles... I'm pretty sure I've bought at least 12 of them this past week alone. But it really helps when I can just come home after work and the first thing I do is light all the amazing smelling candles I've put around the house. It's just really relaxing and soothing. Really sets the mood. That along with long showers and getting plenty of rest too. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Running. I run 4 miles when I can and the high I get makes me feel good. I used to force myself to run long distance when I was really down and somehow I came back home feeling a lot better than I did before. I had to force myself to do it though... but it's so worth it Jeff Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 If you can afford it, therapy. But think about what you want to get out of it as there's so many different types out there than just talking your way through it. If you can't afford it (or in conjunction with), self-help books. Focus on improving yourself; spot any negative patterns you may have when you're in a relationship. Knowing the mistakes you've made will help you choose better next time. Dance. Like crazy! At home; in a club or in a freestyle dance class, that has the lights turned off. And keep posting here. That always seems to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Lis007 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Well my ex ignores me.... thats what works for him... Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Ah... so many! 1. Music, music, music! Seriously, I don't believe I'd be nearly as okay as I am without all the wonderful music I've listened to this past year. I also had very similar music taste with the guy I liked which did suck when things went downhill. 3. Getting back into hobbies I neglected. Like painting, reading, and writing. I love writing, stories, poems, everything. I've been scribbling more and more these days, which is great! Always good to know I haven't lost my mojo. Music and hobbies for the win. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Well my ex ignores me.... thats what works for him... I know the feeling well, that isn't coping, that's avoidance, which possibly translates into denial. How weak do you have to be not even to face the consequences of your own actions. It speaks volumes about how little of a person they really are. In my case, somewhere deep down past all the emotional turmoil I feel is really just a sense of pity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhurt Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Running definitely helps. I have found that on the days I run, I feel much better. And, yes...therapy is expensive. Don't think I can afford it. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Running definitely helps. I have found that on the days I run, I feel much better. And, yes...therapy is expensive. Don't think I can afford it. Be a forum whore like me lol. seriously, it does help to vent here and when you see other peoples problems it helps you view your own more objectively. I like to think I give sound advice, though I have trouble heeding my own, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Yes, posting here like a madwoman has helped me a lot to get through the horrendous first weeks. Also, from the top of my head: -good self-help books -long hot bubble baths -lots of sleep (when I finally was able to sleep again) -meditation, clearing my mind and counting to infinity (helped me to sleep again) -lots of chocolate -cuddling with my cats -journaling to death -wearing a rubberband on my wrist and slapping it when thoughts about the ex intrude (I'm still doing this) -new clothes and indulging in shopping sprees (I got myself into trouble, but hell, it helped keeping me alive) -moving furniture around, redecorating etc. -exercising -doing exercises from self-help books -reading tons of breakup books -some aromatherapy -some lithotherapy -some therapy (but didn't help much) -massages -going on a vacation -getting a tattoo (not something I'd recommend deciding upon on a whim) oh well. You name it, I've probably tried it ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Yes, posting here like a madwoman has helped me a lot to get through the horrendous first weeks. Also, from the top of my head: -good self-help books -long hot bubble baths -lots of sleep (when I finally was able to sleep again) -meditation, clearing my mind and counting to infinity (helped me to sleep again) -lots of chocolate -cuddling with my cats -journaling to death -wearing a rubberband on my wrist and slapping it when thoughts about the ex intrude (I'm still doing this) -new clothes and indulging in shopping sprees (I got myself into trouble, but hell, it helped keeping me alive) -moving furniture around, redecorating etc. -exercising -doing exercises from self-help books -reading tons of breakup books -some aromatherapy -some lithotherapy -some therapy (but didn't help much) -massages -going on a vacation -getting a tattoo (not something I'd recommend deciding upon on a whim) oh well. You name it, I've probably tried it ^^ or that....I was going to give meditation a try too, seems like a good way to relax and focus, or unfocus, as the case may be. Nice lithium cover btw. I have looked up piano tabs for the guitar like gary jules but didn't ever think to try it the other way around, now I have a lot of searching to do Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Exercise! And sometimes booze Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Exercise! And sometimes booze Oh yeah, forgot that one ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Truthfully, alcohol served me no good purpose. Just made me either dwell on or ignore the issues I was facing. It's too enticing a crutch for me so I had to let it go. But to each his/her own. Link to post Share on other sites
SillyS Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Good old crying in bed, listening to sad songs, and then proceeding to not eat, followed by more crying. Then I started to see more of my friends, which was proceeded by more crying and complaining and then crying. It will be hard, but time will manage things. So start making lists of goals and start knocking them off, start exercising because of the chemicals that are released into your body, and really remember that you are still here everyday. And come on LS, the people here are experiencing similar situations, they are extremely knowledgeable and it's another way to occupy a half-hour or more of your day Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Good old crying in bed, listening to sad songs, and then proceeding to not eat, followed by more crying. Then I started to see more of my friends, which was proceeded by more crying and complaining and then crying. It will be hard, but time will manage things. So start making lists of goals and start knocking them off, start exercising because of the chemicals that are released into your body, and really remember that you are still here everyday. And come on LS, the people here are experiencing similar situations, they are extremely knowledgeable and it's another way to occupy a half-hour or more of your day Yeah, it's how it starts out isn't it? I tend to try to overlook the negatives involved but they are needed to cope with and eventually accept what has transpired and there is no shame in it, it's all part of the process. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I do CHI and read books and read self-help books. I also exercise. I'm so much better than I was before....but I'm not there yet....I still break NC sometimes. I hope that today was the last time I do it. Then part of me hope my ex contacts me. I'm still in a lot of turmoil, but it's better than it could have been. I could have stayed mostly in bed for three months. Instead, I get out, I have a life too, although I cry and I slip. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I do CHI and read books and read self-help books. I also exercise. I'm so much better than I was before....but I'm not there yet....I still break NC sometimes. I hope that today was the last time I do it. Then part of me hope my ex contacts me. I'm still in a lot of turmoil, but it's better than it could have been. I could have stayed mostly in bed for three months. Instead, I get out, I have a life too, although I cry and I slip. Good for you! once you get the NC down you will be so much better off. It's the golden rule around here for very good reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhurt Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Thanks for all the suggestions! Well, I have been very good since the break up. LOL...no binging of anything. Not chocolate or alcohol. Just exercising to help me through my days. Lost 15LBS, but the pain is still there. sigh. For some reason, I don't know if it's a good thing to listen to all the sad music and cry. It's like any song...almost any...reminds me of him and my pain. And, I end up crying. People! It's been almost 7 freaking months! Grrrrr...so I just avoid sad music. I did that for the first 2 months, but then decided I had to stop listening to Adele ...cause her whole record is about breaking up...and I would just cry in bed. Adele knows about our pain!...lol. Now, it's only club music for me...haha. Link to post Share on other sites
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