visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 heh, sometimes i go out of my way to FIND sad music, its perfectly acceptable. Then again im about twice as far along as you are so I can listen to it and let it move me without breaking down. It's just another way to express yourself and acknowledge your feelings. If sad doesn't work for you, listen to happy. there arent really any hard and fast rules, well, there are some, but everyone copes differently. Music you say? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t294005/ or... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291674/ yeah, we got an app for that...er...thread, I meant thread Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Thanks for all the suggestions! Well, I have been very good since the break up. LOL...no binging of anything. Not chocolate or alcohol. Just exercising to help me through my days. Lost 15LBS, but the pain is still there. sigh. For some reason, I don't know if it's a good thing to listen to all the sad music and cry. It's like any song...almost any...reminds me of him and my pain. And, I end up crying. People! It's been almost 7 freaking months! Grrrrr...so I just avoid sad music. I did that for the first 2 months, but then decided I had to stop listening to Adele ...cause her whole record is about breaking up...and I would just cry in bed. Adele knows about our pain!...lol. Now, it's only club music for me...haha. You know what, so what if it's been 7 months? You can't track your progress by how long it's been. Not always. Like VisualBasicide said, there are not always hard and fast rules. Track your progress by quality, not quantity (as in it's been this long and so and so is usually over this, so there must be something wrong with me). We're all individuals here before anything else. The best thing that helps me when I'm having a bad day or a bad moment is to know that THIS WON'T LAST FOREVER. I think that's what scares us humans the most about heartbreak, is not knowing when it's gonna end, if ever. Well, life is full of ups n' downs. Not just downs. So it makes sense that it would apply to pain too. Believe it or not, you're not gonna feel this horrible forever, stillhurt. You're really not. Whether it be two months from now, a year from now... you will be in a better place soon. I promise you. You just have to keep that in mind and trudge through the bad days. They happen to us all, and often. You're not pathetic for being sad or crying, either. Don't be ashamed for feeling how you do. Better to let it all out now than to keep bottling it up and having it catch up to you down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Thieves has it right. and Thieves....is your avatar blowdrying her brains out? kinda what it looks like to me and Iv been laughing every time I see it Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) Thieves has it right. and Thieves....is your avatar blowdrying her brains out? kinda what it looks like to me and Iv been laughing every time I see it Psh, how dare you laugh at my avatar! Hahah, no really it's just the album cover from one of my favorite bands called She & Him. It's a picture of a girl listening through a can telephone.. ya know the ones you used to make when you were little? Ah, I feel so old now Blowdrying her brains out does sound more interesting, though Edited September 8, 2011 by Thieves Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 lol yeah I had to think back to see what it was, i realized it after i posted but since I like my interpretation better I didn't recant it Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Saying to myself "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" whenever I feel those obsessive thougts taking over. Reading self help books-The secret (great for positive thinking and creating your perfect future), How to get past your break up by Susan Elliot, Its a break up not a break down, by Lisa Steadman. Reading fiction books-can only do this when not in the "dark crying place"!! Boxercise-so cathartic!!! Talking to my friend who is a fan of the "tough love" she is hilarious and never fails to make me laugh...the other day when i was going on and on to her about my ex and his new g/f and saying I just think "what the f**k, you know" and she said.."no, not what the f**k, its Thank F**k, Thank F**k youre not with that little prick who still lives at home in his single bed at 36 who has no backbone and you know wasnt good enough, everytime you get that panicky sad feeling, just associate it with the vision, remember when you phoned me one day and said you were sitting on his single bed in his parents house and he was sorting out stuff from the loft and you were surrounded by star wars toys and comic books that he was keeping and you said to me how did I end up here with him, remember that, well think of that" and it works because i do remember that day very well! Also am moving out of my flat in oct to a new area Have work goals so i can either change jobs or get a pay rise, 2 courses booked, one done already. Shopping-nothing better than getting dressed to go out and feeling confident and knowing you look amazing and you turn heads as you walk into a bar/down the street etc. Adopting yourself-I had a bit of a rocky childhood, lots of abandonment issues hence the feeling like a scared child if anyone significant seems to be leaving i.e before a break up when you can sense its not ok and your bf is treating you pretty badly and you cant walk away. I have learnt to "calm" that inner child and look after her myself rather than as i alway did look for someone else to take care of me and make me feel happier. If I do it myself I will never abandon and I will always be there. I essentially know I have everything I need in me to be happy and secure on my own, not there yet but its my goal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhurt Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 Thank you sleepykitten for your suggestions. Just downloaded a few self-help books and hopefully it will slowly get me out of my funk. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I don't think I mentioned this earlier so I'm going to now. Playing the guitar has probably been the most fulfilling coping mechanism I have found. I have always wanted to play the thing but never took the time. I suppose any instrument would work but this one works for me. You can pick up a decent starter from a pawn shop for like $150, gives my mind something else to focus on, though the tips my fingers hurt like hell the first two weeks, and you get a great sense of accomplishment learning to play a song you like. Youtube has a lot of lessons for popular songs of all genre's and eras for guitar, piano and a few others. Took me a month to learn all the things about the instrument I didn't know, and to figure out where to start learning (the beginning obviously but its easier said than done) and started with easy songs, mostly just chords that repeat, and progressed from there. Might not be for everyone but you never know if you don't try. Not only does it make me feel good, but seriously, who doesn't like listening to someone passably play any instrument? Others enjoy it as well....well the finished product at any rate, not the beginning awkward repetitive learning part, might want to do that where you won't wrack the nerves of the rest of your house. Pick a song and learn it, don't like halfway learn it, start slow and play it properly until you can play it all the way through, speed will come with familiarity. Then once you have that confidence under your belt, move on to another, rinse and repeat. Don't go the super cheap $80-100 brand new guitar route, they are poorly built and harder to play and will rob you of motivation to continue. Might not be everyone's cup of tea but it has been fun for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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