New poster here--the "dating a coworker" thread but a little different

[nathan82]

So I Googled the topic and ran across a few threads here on the board. So I thought why not post my dilemma here? My situation isn't exactly the textbook definition of dating a coworker. I have read several articles on it but not entirely sure what to think of it.

 

So this girl is new to the job. We work for federal agencies in the same office building. We're not exactly coworkers as we essentially work for separate agencies and we have different space. We interact fairly often but we wouldn't have to if we didn't want to. I know, I know... I can't really steer clear of it because I can't help it. I'm fairly picky and I haven't had anyone set my woods on fire like this since I guess 2005 when I had my last serious g/f. (I've been single almost four years now.) She's got great personality. Though very cute, I find myself drawn to her drive and her intelligence. She's very sharp and motivated and I think that's what hooked me. She's a farm girl and drives a pickup. Never saw her work but it sounds like she'd out work some men. I'm fairly conservative and not a serial dater of any sort. I'm in pretty good shape on ethics as I know a few people in the agency that are married. I'm fairly confident in saying we're not crazy so I don't foresee a revenge situation here.

 

So she's been on the job three months now. I didn't really do anything the first four weeks or so. It happens that the situation presented itself to me about two months ago and now here I am in this emotional quagmire, lol. I had heard her mention she had a microwave in her truck she couldn't get up to her upstairs apartment so I offered to help one evening after work. I got her number and called her up. It just so happens that she spotted her landlord that eve so I didn't need to help her anymore with that. Thinking quick, I nabbed her for dinner that night. With zero hesitation, we found ourselves at dinner in about 30 minutes. That was a pretty awesome night, we ate and talked almost two hours. It was about 50/50 work and personal. We did talk about ourselves some. Definitely a good time--I without a doubt paid.

 

Since then, we've been out to dinner two other times and been to lunch a couple times. I've paid every time despite her offer to. A couple weeks ago, the two of us did some "outreach" for work which was a picnic for a local group and we were to bring a food item. I again paid despite her repeated attempts to. Sometimes at the office she'll send me instant messages and not really say anything. Just small talk you wouldn't send to just anyone. Lots of times I will stop by her office on the way out and we'll talk sometimes over an hour. She never seems in a hurry to leave. Friday was such an occasion. We spent quite a bit of time showing each others parents' farms with Google satellite imagery. She was making silly noises you wouldn't make with people you work with I don't think. We've shared a few great laughs together.

 

I'm second guessing myself here as there's a flip side that doesn't really point to the good as the above does. Although we talk a lot after work, I always have to initiate it. I'm the one that stops by her office, never the reverse. Sometimes I'll slide over there and she's already gone for the day. She doesn't really call me. Then again I don't call her either as I don't wanna seem desperate or smother her. She doesn't text me. However, she doesn't have Facebook either so that may lend credence to the texting thing. Some of the standard "Does she like me?" things don't apply here either. I wonder if the work thing has a little to do with it. I don't find her touching me in any way. We've never kissed. I don't catch her dressing any different for me. I ask her to two concerts lately. She seemed interested until I told her when they were. First one she said she had plans. I am 99% sure they were legit plans because it all adds up. Second one she balked because it was five hours roundtrip on a Tuesday. Perhaps she was squeamish because she is still new on the job. If it were me in the situation, I'd have made it happen but maybe it's a legit excuse.

 

So there it is. Where am I? I know a man has to be extra sure about these things at work before he goes all in. I'm busting to let it out but I think it's a bit early yet. I can't help but think she realizes my feelings for her given all the attention I give her and my paying for her dinner. However, I can't put my finger on it for sure she's interested. Surely she'd have cut me off at this point if she wasn't interested herself. I'm not sure how old fashioned she is yet. It would really let me down if she thought this was all just a professional relationship.