Author Silly_Girl Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Actually, you stated you started this thread in response to reformed OW posts. If you have a question for a specific person, why not just PM them? How hard is this FO? I started it because of responses I'd seen elsewhere. It's directed AT OW because I was curious as to whether they agreed with the responses elsewhere. I can't say I was keen to PM all OW on the board. Does that help you? Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 When you say you were victimised, were you set up? Is that how you feel? Was there a plan of sorts to snare you, and it worked? Or was it more that your lack of experience caused poor decisions and you were a victim of the situation as opposed to the man, if you see what I mean. Why don't we all stop the arguing and get back on-topic? These are good questions Silly. I think that OWs other than NID, should think about them. My answer is "no" to all of them. I was far more experienced than many of my MMs. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 When you say you were victimised, were you set up? Is that how you feel? Was there a plan of sorts to snare you, and it worked? Or was it more that your lack of experience caused poor decisions and you were a victim of the situation as opposed to the man, if you see what I mean. A victim of the situation and the young men. But now that I have more experience, I doubt I'd be the victim of either unless I allow it by ignoring the signs. A couple of years ago, a friend joined a singles site. She corresponded with a couple of men in her area and was not aware of the fact that they knew each other until they mistakenly cc'd her in their personal email messages. The messages spoke of her and others they felt were really lonely and easy pickings on the site. Sometimes these guys do set out to trick and use women for their own benefit. I don't think it happens in all affairs, but it does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 A victim of the situation and the young men. But now that I have more experience, I doubt I'd be the victim of either unless I allow it by ignoring the signs. A couple of years ago, a friend joined a singles site. She corresponded with a couple of men in her area and was not aware of the fact that they knew each other until they mistakenly cc'd her in their personal email messages. The messages spoke of her and others they felt were really lonely and easy pickings on the site. Sometimes these guys do set out to trick and use women for their own benefit. I don't think it happens in all affairs, but it does happen. That's horrible, your friend's experience. However it sounds like a real jock-thing to do and says more about them. No comfort though. As for the men (or women) who prey in some sort of pre-meditated or deliberate, I agree it definitely happens. I just think it's a small, small minority. The chemistry between two people is made up of so many minuscule conscious and unconscious reactions, it's mostly reliant on the receptiveness - and more - of both parties. I was a 'victim' of my ex in that I hadn't encountered his behaviour in anyone else and my stupidity in not researching and understanding the red flags led me to a lot of trouble. But I don't see him as some Machiavellian mastermind who led me to his lair. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 That's horrible, your friend's experience. However it sounds like a real jock-thing to do and says more about them. No comfort though. As for the men (or women) who prey in some sort of pre-meditated or deliberate, I agree it definitely happens. I just think it's a small, small minority. The chemistry between two people is made up of so many minuscule conscious and unconscious reactions, it's mostly reliant on the receptiveness - and more - of both parties. I was a 'victim' of my ex in that I hadn't encountered his behaviour in anyone else and my stupidity in not researching and understanding the red flags led me to a lot of trouble. But I don't see him as some Machiavellian mastermind who led me to his lair. Yeah, that set my friend back a few years. Thankfully she's dating again, but no singles sites this time. I would never call myself stupid. I was inexperienced and young, but I had enough sense to walk away when I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationships. I gained experience and learned to make better relationship choices. I'm not quite sure how one recovers from "stupidity". Thanks for the laugh. They were certainly not "Machiavellian masterminds". Just stupid young guys that took advantage of my lack of experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Yeah, that set my friend back a few years. Thankfully she's dating again, but no singles sites this time. I would never call myself stupid. I was inexperienced and young, but I had enough sense to walk away when I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationships. I gained experience and learned to make better relationship choices. I'm not quite sure how one recovers from "stupidity". Thanks for the laugh. They were certainly not "Machiavellian masterminds". Just stupid young guys that took advantage of my lack of experience. I hope it didn't seem I wasn't suggesting YOU were stupid. I was stupid. I've always been quite an empowered person, looking for ways to right/improve things, rarely settle for the status quo simply because it IS the status quo. I overcame lots of problems that fell in my path, yet did not treat my relationship with the same vigour and focus. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Not far off, Pure. There are sometimes fashions in the thrust of posts from responders, and in new threads started by not-so-new members. You can get 'Own it! You KNEW what you were doing. Take responsibility'. Or 'You're clearly enjoying the pain you've inflicted, it's cruel and destructive, you're not normal'. Yes, I know, some poetic licence here but you get what I'm saying. Just lately I seemed to see more posts than usual painting MM as the big bad wolf and OW as vulnerable and ineffectual in rebutting his advances. So I wondered... these women who post here - who on the whole seem pretty together and self-aware - do THEY feel they were a victim in their own scenario? I realise some things I post are contentious, but on the other hand some posters are going to take offence when I post.... regardless of the actual content. Nothing contentious at all. I've not kept up lately, although always find your threads/posts to be very respectful and easy to understand/read. I do see see that not much has changed concerning a basic mentality (bold)...which is so not the truth in most cases. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Actually, you stated you started this thread in response to reformed OW posts. If you have a question for a specific person, why not just PM them? Well it looks like BB hasnt responded and that is clearly who this thread was directed towards... what a waste eh? How could this thread be directed at BB, I have not seen her post in awhile, nor start a thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Seems you unwittingly opened a can of worms. Interesting to say the least. Gentlegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Seems you unwittingly opened a can of worms. Interesting to say the least. Gentlegirl I can assure you it wasn't intentional. Curiosity killed the cat, huh?!! Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Like I said, I'm not a victim, so go ahead and prove the OP's point with these pointless remarks. I wasn't aware I called you a victim. Please point that out. Link to post Share on other sites
piscis Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'm of the opinion that you're either an unknowing, unwilling victim...or a knowledgeable, deliberate participant, responsible for the outcome and impacts to everyone else involved in the situation. Either you're not responsible for the situation because you were unwilling or unknowing...or you're fully responsible for your actions. Too many try to find that "grey middle ground'. I completly agree. In my case I put myself in this position, I believed and time and actions showed me I was wrong but I put myself just where I were and it was my bad decisions,anyway I like to think I am trying to ne ina a better place now. Link to post Share on other sites
SoMovinOn Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I found the following post on another site from a serial cheater. I think this guy nailed it pretty good, but, I'd like to say, you could take out the fact that he was married, take out the fact that the women he went after were married, and all of it would still hold true for a large percentage of men, at least for some period of their lives. It boils down to - men are genetically wired to be horny and to try to get laid as much as possible, by as many women as possible. Most are probably sincere with anything they tell you - at least, it is really what they feel at that moment. Some will say anything and do anything to get into your pants. Some are a little of both, depending on the moment and the woman. None of it changes anything in regard to A's though... a woman always has a choice on whom she dates. ... and dated single men isn't going to change anything - it won't make him any less horny or any more honest. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 But my post was in response to reformed OW's posts, not because OWs are here posting that they ARE a victim. On the whole they're not posting in that fashion, in my view. It's a bit of a myth, or not? So far most people seem able to take a considered view. There again, I'm already showing bias How hard is this FO? I started it because of responses I'd seen elsewhere. It's directed AT OW because I was curious as to whether they agreed with the responses elsewhere. I can't say I was keen to PM all OW on the board. Does that help you? Nope, still doesn't help. Is it directed AT OW? I honestly cannot tell WHO you want to answer your original post? You claim that 'reformed' OW (which I am still trying to understand who those people are) responded to some post somewhere and so because of those responses, you decided to start this thread and made remarks such as "Big BadMM" and "poor ickle" OW. Do you really want to know if an OW feels like a victim? Current OW or former OW? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 Nope, still doesn't help. Is it directed AT OW? I honestly cannot tell WHO you want to answer your original post? You claim that 'reformed' OW (which I am still trying to understand who those people are) responded to some post somewhere and so because of those responses, you decided to start this thread and made remarks such as "Big BadMM" and "poor ickle" OW. Do you really want to know if an OW feels like a victim? Current OW or former OW? Forget it. It's all there and moving in circles is tedious. Link to post Share on other sites
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