Am I Being Unfair by Asking Him to Do This?

[wannabdone]

I probably shouldn't post it here. But here it is for the breakup:

 

Him: whatever

 

Me: please don't contact me again. You never cared for me.

 

Him: This is so wrong!!! Baby?? I have been buried in this ___ since mid July. This is why they pay me ___ a year!!! What could I do? I tried to stay in touch and you said no. You went on dates and I forced a smile and said "great." What could I say?? You didn't ask me: you told me and I sucked it up as you went on dates. Doesn't that prove how much I want you???? What more can I do??? I'm about to come home for good ...

 

Me: You don't deserve me.

 

Him: Thanks. Why? Tell me what more I could have done??

 

Me: Why are we still talking? Can you keep quiet now, so I can move on with my life.

 

Him: Wow. Ok. You're too attracted by the new shiny boys. Enjoy them. Shake them down. They will bore you. I will be around for you. Perhaps. I have choices too, princess. Daddy is wanted.

 

Me: You will never find a woman like me.

 

Him: I know. That's why I chose you among all the others. I'm your daddy.

 

Here it is guys. The best breakup I ever had. I'm feeling great! I have a feeling it might not be the end of it. He sounds like he would try to get me back to this "grey area" with him.

 

 

Daddy is a narcassist.

 

Good for you. Don't answer or return his calls or answer. The only way to deal with a narcassist is to completely break contact. PERIOD.

 

Oh and speaking on the seperation... every one is right. He's full of ****. There is not a stat in the United States that you do not have to file a degree of legal seperation. However, unlike a divorce degree in some states they do not have to be signed. It is basically just saying until divorce is finanlize any assets gains can not be divided and any bills incurred after that can not be divided as well.

 

I'd like to kick Daddy in the balls. Just sayin.....

[country_gurl]

OMG, what's with all of his "Daddy" references? What a sick phocker. Was her making some reference to being your 'sugar daddy' or something?

 

Please, please, please...................do not have any further contact with him. I agree, he is narcissistic and arrogant and full of more **** than an outhouse at the county fair. What does how much he supposedly earns have to do with anything? Oh what a big talker. I'm guessing from things he's written and you too that he's some big lawyer. Well woopy ****in doo for him. Perhaps none of that is true, either...but anyway, that doesn't matter now.

 

Please confirm that you're going to have no further contact with him???????????????

[whichwayisup]

Daddy is a narcassist.

 

Good for you. Don't answer or return his calls or answer. The only way to deal with a narcassist is to completely break contact. PERIOD.

 

Oh and speaking on the seperation... every one is right. He's full of ****. There is not a stat in the United States that you do not have to file a degree of legal seperation. However, unlike a divorce degree in some states they do not have to be signed. It is basically just saying until divorce is finanlize any assets gains can not be divided and any bills incurred after that can not be divided as well.

 

I'd like to kick Daddy in the balls. Just sayin.....

 

Yup, he sure sounds like an N. Even more reason to run!

[ilovehim77]

He has been texting me all night. I did reply to them. Why can't I stop?

[whichwayisup]

He has been texting me all night. I did reply to them. Why can't I stop?

 

What did you say?

 

Here's how to stop him..."Try me, one more text and I WILL call your wife."

 

Change your number tomorrow. Make it absolutely impossible for him to reach you.

 

So, why can't you stop? Only you can answer that.

[country_gurl]

He has been texting me all night. I did reply to them. Why can't I stop?

 

What could there be to discuss? He's told outright lie after outright lie and by you continuing to communicate with him, he thinks to himself "man I'm good, I'm smooth, I'm so clever and she can't live without me." Do you really want to boost his ego any further?

 

Imagine his poor wife who's at home, probably getting their children ready for bed and little does she know that her a$$hat of a HUSBAND is texting it up with you. I'm willing to bet you $100 that his wife doesn't "have a boyfriend" at all. That was another lie. Imagine if you were the wife of a dog like this?

 

Tell him to seriously go phock himself and then turn off your phone. If there's a way to block his #, do it. He's just playing games with you. Aren't you worth more than to have some lying married man playing games with you?

[xxoo]

From the convo you posted, it sounds like you each are trying to "win" the argument. Nothing you say will get to him as much as your silence. Ignore him, and enjoy the knowledge that it is driving him crazy!

[wannabdone]

OMG, what's with all of his "Daddy" references? What a sick phocker. Was her making some reference to being your 'sugar daddy' or something?

 

Please, please, please...................do not have any further contact with him. I agree, he is narcissistic and arrogant and full of more **** than an outhouse at the county fair. What does how much he supposedly earns have to do with anything? Oh what a big talker. I'm guessing from things he's written and you too that he's some big lawyer. Well woopy ****in doo for him. Perhaps none of that is true, either...but anyway, that doesn't matter now.

 

Please confirm that you're going to have no further contact with him???????????????

 

 

Nope, CG.... Narcassist use this line A LOT!!!! Its them heightening their sense of value to others.

[whichwayisup]

From the convo you posted, it sounds like you each are trying to "win" the argument. Nothing you say will get to him as much as your silence. Ignore him, and enjoy the knowledge that it is driving him crazy!

 

Do you know engaging with a Narcissist will just feed their ego? He'll suck you back in, say whatever he can, he'll LIE and not bat an eye, he'll look you straight in the eye and LIE, so innocent and shocked that you would think he'd not tell you the truth. DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

 

Ignore him. Silence is golden and it's basically the only way to ward off an N.

[wannabdone]

from the convo you posted, it sounds like you each are trying to "win" the argument. Nothing you say will get to him as much as your silence. Ignore him, and enjoy the knowledge that it is driving him crazy!

 

 

please listen to this wise quote from xxoo..... You will never win an argument with a n!!!! Never!!!!

[TurboGirl]

Thank you so much, country_gurl!

 

I just broke up with him. I told him not to contact me again. I'm also deleting his number.

 

QUIT REPLYING TO HIS TEXTS!!!! HELLO!!!

 

He is using you for his own ego gratification! Every time you reply, he knows that you are still there for him! A little stroke to his ego... just what he loves.

 

Yeah yeah, he wants more kids. My azz. He's telling you what you want to hear.

 

Do you love yourself? Do you TRULY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF?

 

Do you want to meet a nice single guy & get married & have a family?

 

 

If you can answer YES to all of the above questions, quit replying to his texts.

 

It's called NC and the only way you will get over this.

[whichwayisup]

It's called NC and the only way you will get over this.

 

You haven't invested a whole lot into him, so pick up your own ego and pride, slam the door in his face and do the NC.

 

NC is for you...To help you heal and get over him. And, in this case, even more so ignoring him WILL affect him more than engaging him so do the NC. Please!

[wannabdone]

He has been texting me all night. I did reply to them. Why can't I stop?

 

 

Dunno.... why don't you tell us why. Is it that you want to win? Is it that you are really not willing to let this guy go? Is it that you really just want to "scare" him enough that he will love you, and will get that D and be with you?

 

No one can answer that question.... but you!!!

 

I will tell you this..... Everyone when going to NC, (well not everyone, but a lot) will slip, or back slide if you will. Its like an addiction. We back slide, feel like ****, get back on the pony and learn from our lesson. But back sliding 5 minutes after you go NC, is not NC. Its coming across more as a game. So now what happened??? You just showed this guy that what you say, holds no validity. You can say "leave me alone", but then keep talking to him. You have just set a presidence on what he can expect from now on.

 

The number one thing here is this "own it"..... as soon as you own what it is that you are doing or want, then you can grow and heal. If you just keep saying things in fear of feeling or looking stupid, or because you know in the back of your head what you should be saying, but you really don't feel that way.... your taking on his traits. Saying one things, and having actions of another. And you know and so does everyone else, than that does nothing more than complicate things even further and waste your and our time. I for years did this.

 

So the real question is.... what is it you want? Do you want him? Do you want to be the OW? Do you want to be his wife? Do you want to dump him? Do you want to keep talking to him? What is it???? And don't worry about how dumb it sounds, or who will jump your ass for saying it.

 

because none of us can offer support, if you don't tell us what your agenda is.

 

I know its confusing. If you need some time to figure it out.... say it and take it and then come back with a clear mind.

 

You can get through this....if you want to and will try. You can find happiness.... again, if you want and try.

[ilovehim77]

I want to be his wife and marry him. But I also know that my efforts are better spent elsewhere. Unlike men, women do have a biological clock when it comes to kids. I want 3 kids and will do it. Also, I'm not happy with him. I have been crying at nights during the last 3 months, more than I have done in my entire life.

 

Thanks for the NC advice. I'm changing my phone # tomorrow. Phone company just told me that I couldn't block someone's number. Time to switch.

[country_gurl]

My ex was a textbook narcissist (not a married man, tho) and though he didn't make 'daddy' references (have never heard of that and I used to belong to a pretty large support forum for survivors of Ns (narcissists), he was just like your guy when confronted with a lie. And I can't even tell you how many hours I wasted in this life, trying to get him to see my point of view. I would type and write and talk until I was blue in the face. I would tell him to phock off and leave me alone and he would see that as nothing but a challenge to wear me down and get me to continue communicating with him. It took me a long time to figure out that for an N (narcissist), any attention - even NEGATIVE attention, is a real source of 'supply' for them. It's a game to them. They love to push buttons and upset their partners. They even get a thrill, I'm sure, being told off......because it then becomes even MORE of a challenge to try and get you to engage them. It took me far too long to realize this.

 

The only way to really deal with an N is to seriously, totally and completely go total NO CONTACT and stick to it. And they will go to many lengths to try and engage you....pretend to be sorry (they're not), tell you/write you want you want to hear/read.....they'll twist things around and put the blame on you........they'll do anything to keep their game going.

 

You gotta ignore him.

[whichwayisup]

I want to be his wife and marry him. But I also know that my efforts are better spent elsewhere. Unlike men, women do have a biological clock when it comes to kids. I want 3 kids and will do it. Also, I'm not happy with him. I have been crying at nights during the last 3 months, more than I have done in my entire life.

 

Thanks for the NC advice. I'm changing my phone # tomorrow. Phone company just told me that I couldn't block someone's number. Time to switch.

 

Why? What is it that you love about him, think he'd be a good husband, a loyal husband, a good father, a family man?

 

Your clock is ticking, so don't make bad choices by grabbing a guy whom you click with sexually and have an unhealthy dynamic built with already! He's not husband material! Imagine having children with a narcissist. Read up on those types of people, then post back and tell me that you still want to marry him and have him father your kids. Seriously.

[Lucky_One]

You might as well count him out as a husband in your way-too-rushed timeframe of husband then a baby in a year.

 

So if you want children so badly, why not rely on yourself and go visit a sperm bank? Raise your child that you want so badly on your own. Marriage these days is a crapshoot, and you certainly don't need a husband to get pregnant.

[Woggle]

Out of all the men in the world why do you want to marry and have kids with this guy? There certainly must be better men out there.

[wannabdone]

My ex was a textbook narcissist (not a married man, tho) and though he didn't make 'daddy' references (have never heard of that and I used to belong to a pretty large support forum for survivors of Ns (narcissists), he was just like your guy when confronted with a lie. And I can't even tell you how many hours I wasted in this life, trying to get him to see my point of view. I would type and write and talk until I was blue in the face. I would tell him to phock off and leave me alone and he would see that as nothing but a challenge to wear me down and get me to continue communicating with him. It took me a long time to figure out that for an N (narcissist), any attention - even NEGATIVE attention, is a real source of 'supply' for them. It's a game to them. They love to push buttons and upset their partners. They even get a thrill, I'm sure, being told off......because it then becomes even MORE of a challenge to try and get you to engage them. It took me far too long to realize this.

 

The only way to really deal with an N is to seriously, totally and completely go total NO CONTACT and stick to it. And they will go to many lengths to try and engage you....pretend to be sorry (they're not), tell you/write you want you want to hear/read.....they'll twist things around and put the blame on you........they'll do anything to keep their game going.

 

You gotta ignore him.

 

I have been involved with N my entire life. My Mother is one, and I have had an A with a MM that is one for 10 years. It has been the most painful expereience I have ever went though in my life. My xMM always said "daddy", and many women in my group did as well.

 

Yep!!! NC, NC, NC.... that is the ONLY WAY YOU CAN DO THIS. CG is right.... any attention, negative or positive, is attention and gives them their N supply.

 

Why did you cry for the last 3 months??? Because N are known as emotional vampires. He is draining you, plain and simple.

 

Just know this.... it is abuse!!! They come across so wonderful at first, to get their claws into you, then the fangs come out.

 

You will never win anything with them, because they never see they are wrong and that they are always entitiled.

 

RUN!!! I'm serious!!! You will never have anything with a N. No happiness, no peace NOTHING THAT YOU WILL EVER WANT. Your life will only be okay if you are doing what they want and fueling them.

 

Let us know if you really change your number.

[ilovehim77]

Omg, can he really be a Narcissist?

 

I'm reading "Narcissistic Lovers" on my Kindle right now... Thanks for the suggestions.

[wannabdone]

Omg, can he really be a Narcissist?

 

I'm reading "Narcissistic Lovers" on my Kindle right now... Thanks for the suggestions.

 

 

So, after reading..... what do you think???

 

I have a list of books to suggest to you if you in fact think he fits the criteria.

 

Remember, there is a healthy level of N. So, in some ways all of us should fit into some N traits. But, your wise enough to see if it is healthy or unhealthy.

 

Let me know and I will forward you the list on some awesome books that I found very helpful while dealing with my XMM/N.

[skywriter]

I want to be his wife and marry him. But I also know that my efforts are better spent elsewhere. Unlike men, women do have a biological clock when it comes to kids. I want 3 kids and will do it. Also, I'm not happy with him. I have been crying at nights during the last 3 months, more than I have done in my entire life.

 

Thanks for the NC advice. I'm changing my phone # tomorrow. Phone company just told me that I couldn't block someone's number. Time to switch.

 

 

Whoa!!! You've known him three whole months and you are ready to marry him and have children with him! WOW!!!

[wannabdone]

Whoa!!! You've known him three whole months and you are ready to marry him and have children with him! WOW!!!

 

 

YES!! This point is one you (poster) can't over look. You need to look within yourself to see why after only 3 months, you are finding yourself so tied to this douche bag.